Any jokes?

[Jericho]

A young man applied for a sales position in a local department store. Being young, it took some convincing that he was the man they were looking for, so he was hired on a trial basis.
After only one week, the sales manager called him to talk about the new salesman’s week. The manager was impressed. The new salesman had exceeded all expectations. In fact, he had broken all existing sales records. So, he asked the new salesman how he did it.

“Well, a feller came in and I sold him some fish hooks. Then I told him since he has new fish hooks, he ought to get some new fishing line. So, I sold him some new line. Then I told him since he had new hooks and new line, a new rod and reel would look nice. So, I sold him a new rod and reel. Then I told him that he needs some new fishing lures to go with his new rod and reel. So, I sold him two of each type of lures the store carries and a new tackle box to carry them in.”

The sales manager said, “That’s great salesmanship, but it doesn’t explain the total sales figure I have here. Is that all?”

“Well, not exactly,” the new salesman said, “I did manage to sell him a bit more. I told him since he had all this new fishing equipment, he ought to have a new boat so he could, get to the good fishing spots. So, I sold him a new 19’ bassboat with a 200 HP outboard engine on a tandem axle trailer.”

“Wow! Now that’s really good salesmanship. You are going to go places, son. But, it still doesn’t explain these figures. Is that all?”

“Well, not exactly,” the new salesman said, “I told the guy he was well on his way to the best fishing trip of his life, if he just had a way to tow the boat to the lake. So, I sold him a new Dodge 4x4 extended cab pickup with full tow package.”

“Wonderful!” the manager cried. “So, that’s where these figures come from. All that and the guy only came in for fish hooks?”

“Well, not exactly,” the new salesman said. “The feller came in for Tampons and I told him since he wasn’t doing anything this weekend he might as well go fishing.”

[martin48]

Miss World has just been won by the contestant from the Philippines.

She was so excited that she could barely conceal her erection.



so non-PC!!

[travel_by_day]

A priest, a rabbi and a buddhist monk are all travelling on the Titanic when it hits the iceberg.

"The boat is sinking," the buddhist monk says.

"We need to get out of here and get to the lifeboats," the priest says.

"What about the children?" asks the buddhist monk.

"Fuck the children," the rabbi says, climbing into a lifeboat.

The priest pauses and strokes his chin. "Do you think we have time?"

[SammiValentine]

David Moyes

[Ben]

The Most Offensive Jokes Ever:

[Jericho]

On a train from London to Manchester an Australian was berating an Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.

"You English are so stuffy! You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lip sets you above the rest of us. Look at me: I'm ME! I have Italian blood, Greek blood, a little Irish blood and some Aborigine blood. What do you say to that"?

"Awfully sporting of your mother, old chap"!

[Jericho]

Girl : "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest : "What have you done my child?"
Girl : "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest : "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl : "Because he touched my hand."
Priest : "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl : "Yes father."
Priest : "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl : "Then he touched my breast."
Priest : "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl : "Yes father."
Priest : "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl : "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest : "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl : "Yes father."
Priest : "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl : "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest : "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl : "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
(after a few minutes)
Priest : "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl : "But father,he had AIDS!"
Priest : "THAT SON OF A BITCH"!

[robertlouis]

David Moyes

Naughty but funny.

Just one of the many things I like about you, Sammi.

[Prospero]

I had to google Moyes to get that. But i still don't really get it.

[GroobySteven]

I had to google Moyes to get that. But i still don't really get it.

Oh dear.
Took over as Man Utd. manager after a great spell at Everton. It was hard enough to step into Alex Ferguson's smelly, sweaty shoes but Man Utd. have had the worst start to a season in a long time.
It's not really funny more ire.