Any jokes?

[Jericho]

This drunk tosser shouted at me, "Your mum's a whore!" and I heard all his friends laughing.
But I had the last laugh...He has to pay her, I don't!

[Jericho]

I've just created a new board game for Muslims called 'Atrocity'.
It's just like Monopoly except you start with the buildings on the board.

[Amy Gray]

A little tgirl humor for you. Sorry, they're mostly crude, vulgar, and in poor taste.

A guy's car break's down one summer so he gets a tow to an auto shop. The mechanic tells him it'll take an hour to look at the car so the guy heads off to wait. When the guy comes back his face and shirt are a mess. Mechanic takes one look at him and says "looks like you blew a tranny." The guy just smiles sheepishly and says "nah, I just had an icecream."

Why would tgirls make good nuns?
They never spare the rod.

I hear they have a transsexual superhero now, she's going to be joining the X Men! (please don't kill me, that one is Wendy Summer's fault)

Did you hear about the transsexual massage parlor? They won't help you with that back pain but they'll sure loosen you up!

A tgirl walks up to the deli and asks if they're trans friendly.
The butcher says "No, all our food is hormone free."

Men are like hotdog buns, best when stuffed with meat.

You might be a transsexual... If a bartender offers you salted nuts and you respond "no thanks, I'm still trying to get rid of the ones I've got."

You might be a transsexual... If you've got more hormones in you than the chicken you're eating.

An old man is just back from Thailand with his new Thai bride.

Lying in bed, his new bride is playing with his manhood slowly stroking it up and down. The old man says, "You must love that, you haven't left it alone since we got back."

The bride sighed wistfully and replied, "Not really...I just really miss mine."

And my favorite...

Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat sitting at the end of the bar with a great big smile on his face. Mike says, "Pat, what are you so happy for?"

"Well Mike, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me.. tits out to here, Mike. Tits out to here! She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?'"

I said 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Mike. I took her way out. I turned off the key and I said 'It's either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim, Mike. She couldn't swim!"

The next day Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat sitting at the end of the bar with an even bigger smile on his face. Mike says, "What are you happy about today Pat?"

"Well Mike.... I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blonde came up to me...tits out to here, Mike. Tits out to here! She said 'Can I have a ride in your boat?'

I told her, 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Mike. Way the fuck out there. Much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said, 'It's either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim, Mike! She couldn't swim!"

A couple days pass and Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat down there cryin' over a beer. Mike says, "Pat, what are you so sad for?"

"Well Mike, I gotta tell ya....Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and the most desirable brunette came up to me...tits WAY out to here, Mike. Tits WAY out to here. She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?'

So I said, 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Mike, way WAY out... much, much further than the last two times. I turned off the key, and looked at her tits and said 'It's either screw or swim!'

She pulled down her pants and...She had a pecker, Mike! She had this great BIG pecker! And I can't swim Mike! I can't swim!"

[Jericho]

A man went to Harley Street in London and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant.

Interested, he went in and asked the receptionist for details. She pulled up the file and read...

"The job entails preparing ladies for their intimate examination by the gynecologist. You have to help the women undress and remove their underwear. Lay them down and carefully and thoroughly wash their private parts, apply shaving gel and gently shave off their pubic hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're relaxed and ready for the gynecologist's examination. The annual salary is £65,000 and if you're interested you'll have to go to Manchester."

"Manchester! Is that where the job is?" asked the man.

She answered, "No sir, that's where the end of the queue is"!

[Jericho]

My son was trying to open a yogurt this morning.
After a few minutes he started getting stressed and said "Stupid twattin', fuckin' lid."
The wife looked at me and said "Where's he got that from?"
I said, "The fridge you fuckin' thick cunt"!

[Jericho]

A bloke has just got out of a time machine and forced me to suck his cock, I felt degraded and humiliated.
When I get older I am going to build a time machine, go back in time, find this cunt as a kid, and force him to suck my cock.

[Jericho]

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest,
‘I almost had an affair with another woman.’
‘What do you mean, almost?’ the priest said.
‘Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.’
The priest said, ‘Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put 50 Euros in the poor box.’
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying,
I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!’
‘Yeah, but I rubbed the 50 Euros on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in.

[Jericho]

A family is at the dinner table.
The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many Kinds of boobs are there?'
The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, a woman goes through three Phases. In her 20s, a woman's boobs are like melons, round and firm. In Her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.. After 50, they are like onions'.
'Onions?'
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry".
This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, 'Mom, how Many kinds of 'willies' are there?'
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through Three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and Hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree.
'A Christmas tree?'
'Yes...dead from the roots up and the balls are just for decoration'!

[mellownella]

If you're Jesus and you know it clap your hands......

[mellownella]

I'm not saying my wife's vagina is big but, according to British Intelligence

Al Qaeda is planning on attacking it.