Why are many admirers flaky?

[sophiebendable]

Now I'm not generalizing about everyone because I know there are lots of good guys out there, but in my experience I've found men who are into transsexual women to be unbearably flaky. It's pretty much at the point where I don't even want to correspond with anyone I meet online for too long because of how many times it has ended with me being stood up after we finally arrange a time to meet. I transitioned at a late enough age to understand the extent to which men's sexual desires are policed and the pressure and shame that goes along with this. I understand that to many guys, girls like me are scary fantasies who they've only seen in porn. I just wish they would think more about how inconsiderate it is, how it effects my life, and yeah also how it makes me feel about myself

xo,
Sophie

[Westheangelino]

You have to understand that most men who are admirers have intense issues regarding their desires. Usually it is something they keep from friends and (as evidenced by BILLIONS of posts on this board) are wrestling with questions such as: am I gay? So, some dudes just can't bite the bullet and give in to what they want. However, their shit is not your shit. So, I totally agree that it is rude. Gentleman, girls are not your therapy! Get over your bullshit and THEN start interacting with people. We sometimes forget that the people on the other end of the net or the phone are real people. Don't.

[irvin66]

I could not agree more with you. Some of us are afraid of the unknown and some have only experience with genetic girls. Think if some of those we know will find out that we admire tgirls, it's fucking scary....

[sophiebendable]

Thanks, guys. I really appreciate your insight. Like I said, I do know what it's like to be closeted about your sexual desires and to question your identity because of it. Before I transitioned I was a submissive bottom, but still mainly interested in women. I watched a ton of tranny porn…and still do But the thing is, while that was hard, it's still way harder for me to date now. And I'm not even talking about the flakiness, more about having to think about the possibility of violence as well as all the stereotypes applied to me based on utter ignorance. I just wish more admirers would realize that— that I can relate to them, but also that things might be really hard for me too. Like Westheangelino said, I think it's really about just remembering that even though we might be your fantasy, we're also real people.

[Westheangelino]

It's not that scary. What is more scary to me is being a prisoner of your own desires. It's not something I bandy about, but if someone asks me a direct question, I'll answer truthfully.

The conversation usually goes like this:

"Um, I keep getting friend suggestions on facebook to friend these hot girls because we have mutual friend, and then I realize they're trannies!"

"Yeah...and?"

"So, you know them?"

"Some of them I have met in person, others I just friended because I like their work."

"So...you like trannies?"

"Yup."

"Um....you fuck trannies?"

"Oh, yeah."

"So, are you gay?"

"Nope."

"Hmmm. Ok."


And then nothing eventful happens at all. My true friends find me more interesting because of my experiences. Those I wouldn't be good friends with anyways either don't seem to care or just put it in the category of why we are not friends in the first place. I've never made an enemy because of my sexual proclivities.

[Jericho]

Because some of the chicks we're into are batshit crazy!

[giovanni_hotel]

The sad fact is sometimes it takes years if at all for many admirers/chasers to come to terms with their sexual attraction to transgendered women. Many are still going to be conflicted about it.
IMO the more TG women an admirer interacts with, the more comfortable he becomes with his own sexuality.

From personal experience, I know the first time I had a dick in my mouth it was attached to a trans-chick, and I felt the dueling conflicting emotions of exhilaration/confusion/guilt/euphoria/shame/paranoia all at the same time.

Thankfully the girl I was with brought me back down to my new 'normal'.
It's the identity crisis most admirers have a hard time coping with initially.

[caliuncut]

Now I'm not generalizing about everyone because I know there are lots of good guys out there, but in my experience I've found men who are into transsexual women to be unbearably flaky. It's pretty much at the point where I don't even want to correspond with anyone I meet online for too long because of how many times it has ended with me being stood up after we finally arrange a time to meet. I transitioned at a late enough age to understand the extent to which men's sexual desires are policed and the pressure and shame that goes along with this. I understand that to many guys, girls like me are scary fantasies who they've only seen in porn. I just wish they would think more about how inconsiderate it is, how it effects my life, and yeah also how it makes me feel about myself

xo,
Sophie

Sophie - It sucks to read your post and it honestly kinda pisses me off that people are still so flakey in this day and age. I've been flaked on a few times and it freaking sucks, but honestly it's really an indictment of what a shit person the other party is as opposed to a shortcoming on your end.

Oh and you are just my type so it pisses me off even more to think someone has an opportunity to spend time with you and they flake!!!

[caliuncut]

Shit Sophie, just saw your pics on your profile....I've died and realized heaven is 3000 miles away in nyc...lol

[GrimFusion]

I don't try to hide what I do, and I've had friends and family ask why I have a few transgirls added over my facebook and myspace accounts. I've had to distance myself from my aunt, my cousin, and an old friend from high school because the conversation has come up and gone sour. I'm sure I'll probably get some flack off of admirers "smart" enough to keep all of that on the down low and avoid the conflict, but in my opinion; that's no better than lying. Save for the few bad apples, none of my ex's have ever had a problem with it and most of my friends are aware, but it isn't an issue and doesn't come up in conversation.

I'm sorry you've run into so many problems just trying to keep up with dudes, Sophie. Practically everything everyone has said in this thread so far is true. There's no useful or proper way to sort out the time-wasters from respectful admirers. When it comes down to it, some guys will say anything necessary and be whomever they imagine you're looking for. The game is just flipping through the deck of cards until you find one that suits your hand best. Good luck finding a respectful dude. That wasn't sarcasm; they do exist.