Monogamy or Polyamory?

[BellaBellucci]

I've always thought Polyamory as you describe it was just a stopping point on the way to monogamy. That is to say, I've had difficulty finding everything I needed from just one partner, ( I don't suggest that's thier fault, but probably mine) so the logical course was to have several. It's a difficult balancing act, and takes as much if not more work at times than one committed relationship....but it was always undertaken with the ultimate goal of monogamy, but that search continues.

LOL! That's called 'dating,' not polyamory.

~BB~

[fred41]

No, of course, as was said, those are called 'open relationships,' but in monogamous relationships you always have to wonder if you've limited yourself or made the right choice in committing to one person. I'm all about choices, not regrets, so long as one doesn't intend to use them to hurt others.~BB~

One may always wonder...and when it doesn't work for a million and one reasons...it ends. Monogamy often only lasts for a certain period of time but that doesn't mean another monogamous relationship can't be started thereafter...For many,if not most - monogamy actually means: one at a time.

On the flip side, most poly relationships are sexually open, but it takes a lot more to bring a person into the fold beyond that.~BB~

A sexually open poly relationship sounds like the relationship ties are much weaker than a monogamous relationship. I realize people have different ideas about the meaning of love...and due to chemical and emotional differences in human beings,probably experience love differently...but in my opinion - a monogamous bond would be stronger than a poly amorous bond.

~BB~[/QUOTE]

[GrimFusion]

Sexual variety is an abstract concept. It's possible for a monogamous couple to experience sexual variety to a greater extent than a polyamorous couple. What is actually meant is that “a person needs to have sex with multiple partners, perhaps simultaneously, in order to experience sexual variety”—which is not a logical assessment.

Intimate relationships are intense opportunities for personal and spiritual growth, but they aren't necessary. A person can grow from virtually any experience or relationship, depending on their own commitment to growth. Growth is a personal choice that comes from within; it is not created by an external event or another person. Furthermore, intimacy with more than one partner does not ensure “greater” or “deeper” intimacy, and may be used as a codependent excuse to avoid intimacy with a primary partner.

A person is free to make their own choice about how many partners they want to be involved with, but respecting your partner’s choice to pursue other relationships is a separate issue from respecting your own core needs and choices—which may be monogamous. You can respect a partner’s needs without disrespecting your own needs in the process.

That said, it's obvious that this debate can't boil down to more than simple personal decision. Neither monogamy or polyamory are more appropriate globally. The only thing that is natural is for you to be honest with your feelings, and acknowledge your needs and your limitations when it comes to romantic relationships. In other words, I may not support your view, but the reason I don't like arguing with you about the topic is that I can respect your view.

[BellaBellucci]

^ Two excellent, well-considered, logical responses. Thank you.

I understand the mono point of view as well. I just want it honestly explained to me why people share it.

~BB~

[Chaos]

For me, losing a relationship is a big deal. Yes,I'd be single again.....but that's how I need it to be. If i were Poly and lost one relationship there would be a strain on the others. I'm the kind of person that if I break it off with someone I NEED alone time....whether to sort out what went wrong on my part or to avoid the mistake of dating the same kind of person again. Like I said, I DO have trust issues....so if one person was cheating on me then I'd automatically assume that it wasn't just one....That's just how I am,and why Monogamy is better for me....
It is not a pleasant prospect at all to me to find that someone I care about needs other relationships of similar status to be happy....It makes me feel deficient as a person...
And what happens when you have this group of people and you still feel like you're missing something? Does the group just keep getting bigger? And what if you find one person with everything you want? You're hurting at least a few other people.....Just questions....Not an argument. You know I luv ya Bella

[BellaBellucci]

And what happens when you have this group of people and you still feel like you're missing something? Does the group just keep getting bigger? And what if you find one person with everything you want? You're hurting at least a few other people.....Just questions....Not an argument. You know I luv ya Bella

What happens in a monogamous relationship when someone wants to stray? The same thing: what ever happens. It depends on the circumstances and the needs of the people involved. Mono, poly, makes no difference really.

~BB~

[Chaos]

I can only speak for myself but if I am unhappy and missing something, I leave. I do not cheat. Better to be alone and lacking everything than to be missing one thing and making someone miserable while looking for it. That's just how I am,But then, I've never had the situation present itself to me either...I can only go on what I know of myself so far...To reiterate,I'm not against it,but I go with what I know...

[phillyguy21]

I would certainly be open to a non-monogamous relationship. I have talked about this with my gf, but she wants to be married to each other before possibly letting anyone else in. I think most of our society would be less miserable without the stringent expectation of monogamous sex. We human beings are animals. We fuck. At least half of people in the U.S. cheat, have cheated or will cheat. I think honest communication is the key.

[Dino Velvet]

I can only speak for myself but if I am unhappy and missing something, I leave. I do not cheat.

Me too. I'm a clown when I'm single but I take relationships seriously.

[Rusty Eldora]

Our society would be much better if poly was more accepted. Many wives leave a husband that has been good to them, but has strayed. We each have specific needs spectrums and can satisfy on a different spectrum. No two in a relationship can satisfy everything. Bringing in others can provide stability.

I have a gg provider girlfriend that shares me with her friends. It works pretty well. I also accept her being a provider, I probably wouldn't if she didn't share me as we both get to experience others.