Monogamy or Polyamory?

[TSMichelleAustin]

Yeah, that sounds like an open relationship to me, too. The difference is that polyamory is having multiple committed relationships whereas an open relationship is one that is monogamous in terms of mutually exclusive commitment, but is still open sexually.

~BB~

We have had other partners in past, he had a genetic girl gf for a long time and I have dated a few guys but of course nothing good has come along and of course finding people that understand it! Yea as of right now its open but we dont mind poly if the right peep come along! I should of elaborated on my earlier post!

[BellaBellucci]

We have had other partners in past, he had a genetic girl gf for a long time and I have dated a few guys but of course nothing good has come along and of course finding people that understand it! Yea as of right now its open but we dont mind poly if the right peep come along! I should of elaborated on my earlier post!

I wasn't judging. I just wanted to clarify. Of course I wish you the best of luck in all of our relationships.

~BB~

[onmyknees]

I've always thought Polyamory as you describe it was just a stopping point on the way to monogamy. That is to say, I've had difficulty finding everything I needed from just one partner, ( I don't suggest that's thier fault, but probably mine) so the logical course was to have several. It's a difficult balancing act, and takes as much if not more work at times than one committed relationship....but it was always undertaken with the ultimate goal of monogamy, but that search continues.

[RallyCola]

I've pointed out logical, objective reasons for polyamory - conclusions that I've come to after a period of self-discovery that was consequential to my upbringing, but I in no way alluded that people should be poly SIMPLY because I had a rough life.

You're attempting to not only distract from my criticism of your lack of logical argument, but hang a red herring around my neck by saying that my argument is based on that which you need it to be based in order to have an argument at all - a subjective catalyst for a process that led me to draw certain conclusions about how relationships work... or don't. Put simply: my background did nothing more than provide a thesis.

So go ahead and make one of your own; I'm still waiting. So far you've offered no intellectual support to your argument. It's not a good look.

~BB~

so we are inagreement that you feel the way you do because of your experiences...so what are we arguing about?

i stand by what i say that i need not give any logical reason as to why i feel monogamy is better for me because again, to use your words they are conclusions that I've come to after a period of self-discovery that was consequential to my upbringing. in that, our viewpoints cannot be juxtaposed so what's the point.

in fact, i'll prove to you how idiotic you are being about this.



Personally, I'm poly MONO. I've been in too many relationships that offered me things that I've wanted, but still left much to be desired. Since I actually care about my partners and want whats best for the both of us, I feel that monogamy polyamory is the answer.

I mean, my parents DIDN'T HAVE had serious issues with one another and but got married anyway because they had me and felt pressured to do so, and they loved me resented me for it and probably still do. They have Neither of them has ever been fulfilled in any way by their relationship and their love misery trickled down onto everyone around them. It was a blessing all my life fiasco for almost 18 years. I would never wish that kind of upbringing on anyone.

There's no one person or relationship that can make a person entirely happy and fulfilled, and I think it's a cop-out to say that we're not all entirely responsible for our own happiness because all anybody can do is their best under the circumstances, though and those circumstances are rarely chosen by an individual in question. More often than not, even when we think they are, they're still usually within our arbitrary social guidelines. I think it's time that human beings expand the consciousness to a point that happiness is actually an attainable achievement.

That's not to say that mono poly relationships aren't without issue committed. Quite the contrary, they all are. Being poly isn't an excuse to cheat; it's a way for the greatest number of people to have the greatest number of opportunities for happiness while demonstrating the ability to make the most basic of choices. That said, the only argument for being polyamorus monogamous seems to be a moot point.

What say you?


you even say it's a moot point to be monogamous in your post so again, that is the point of any debate when you've decided you don't want to hear it in your own words.

really, you need to learn how to be consistent in your point and formulate an argument rather than just splooge on your keyboard and think you are intellectually sparring rather than just falling victim to that which you accuse those that don't agree with you of. the problem is not that you don't find value in what i am saying...it is that you don't and probably can't realize that the framework of your argument renders this whole thread moot. though i have used your EXACT argument changing the positive connotation towards that of monogamy, you can't see it because you are exactly what tika posted

[trish]

Well I think I would dispute that monogamous relationships are rarely rewarding.

One important factor in any relationship, monogamous or polyamorous is knowing when it has reached the point of no returns. Often relationships never reach that point. Some pods or pairs have a creative chemistry that increases with time. Others not so much. It is often difficult to admit when a relationship reaches that point where its more chore than thrill. Children make it even more difficult.

In Kim Stanley Robinson's new novel 2312 the Titans practice a sort of polyamory. The group of committed "lovers" (for lack of a better word) is called a creche. Even though the parents are exceptionally attached to their children and partake in their upbringing and education, the creche also takes responsibility in raising the children, providing emotional, financial and other support. Sometimes members leave and sometimes they return. I can only think Thanksgiving must be hell on Titan. But it all sounds quite reasonable to me. There's are lots of fruitful ways to live and we shouldn't let primitive social norms stifle our happiness.

[BellaBellucci]

so we are inagreement that you feel the way you do because of your experiences

I'm not normally one for name calling, but you sir, are a stubborn, obtuse, self-absorbed asshole who will say anything to avoid looking like you might be wrong, and you're still attempting to distract me from my argument.

Grow the fuck up. I just said repeatedly that my upbringing was only the impetus for a path of discovery that led me to objectively learn more about how relationships work and draw logical conclusions. You just continue to ignore the statements because, again, you have no argument for monogamy, only one against polyamory.

Seriously. Don't even respond. Until we're having the same conversation, I'm no longer interested in what you have to say.



~BB~

[fred41]

No risk, no reward. The irony here is that my point that monogamous relationships rarely ever are is entirely lost on this thread it seems.

~BB~

I'm sure there are plenty of monogamous relationships that remain exclusive...just not always sexually exclusive...just as I would imagine a few members in a polyamorous relationship would not be sexually exclusive (or lie about it).

[Chaos]

Monogamy for me. I can't even begin to imagine the effort it would take to keep multiple people happy and committed to me. I trust so very few people to begin with....So much so,that I'd need to get tested every time I slept with one of them.. If I had 5 committed people and even ONE of them cheated....I'd be inclined to think it wasn't just one....At least with one person the risks are minimal across the board. Again, this only applies to ME. if Poly works for you then that's awesome,not my thing though....I don't share well either...lol

[BellaBellucci]

I'm sure there are plenty of monogamous relationships that remain exclusive...just not always sexually exclusive...just as I would imagine a few members in a polyamorous relationship would not be sexually exclusive (or lie about it).

No, of course, as was said, those are called 'open relationships,' but in monogamous relationships you always have to wonder if you've limited yourself or made the right choice in committing to one person. I'm all about choices, not regrets, so long as one doesn't intend to use them to hurt others.

On the flip side, most poly relationships are sexually open, but it takes a lot more to bring a person into the fold beyond that.

~BB~

[BellaBellucci]

Monogamy for me. I can't even begin to imagine the effort it would take to keep multiple people happy and committed to me. I trust so very few people to begin with....So much so,that I'd need to get tested every time I slept with one of them.. If I had 5 committed people and even ONE of them cheated....I'd be inclined to think it wasn't just one....At least with one person the risks are minimal across the board. Again, this only applies to ME. if Poly works for you then that's awesome,not my thing though....I don't share well either...lol

You're confusing social commitment with sexual monogamy. The two are far from mutually exclusive. Otherwise, I see your point, but again, if you were in a relationship with just one person and you broke up with them for cheating, then you would be alone. In poly relationships, the numbers don't work out like that and the only way one can 'cheat' on you is to not disclose their outside relationship, which yes, people may still fail to do irrespective of their relationship status.

~BB~