Monogamy or Polyamory?

[BellaBellucci]

Personally, I'm poly. I've been in too many relationships that offered me things that I've wanted, but still left much to be desired. Since I actually care about my partners and want whats best for the both of us, I feel that polyamory is the answer.

I mean, my parents had serious issues with one another but got married anyway because they had me and felt pressured to do so, and they resented me for it and probably still do. Neither of them has ever been fulfilled in any way by their relationship and their misery trickled down onto everyone around them. It was a fiasco for almost 18 years. I would never wish that kind of upbringing on anyone.

There's no one person or relationship that can make a person entirely happy and fulfilled, and I think it's a cop-out to say that we're all entirely responsible for our own happiness because all anybody can do is their best under the circumstances, and those circumstances are rarely chosen by an individual in question. More often than not, even when we think they are, they're still usually within our arbitrary social guidelines. I think it's time that human beings expand the consciousness to a point that happiness is actually an attainable achievement.

That's not to say that poly relationships aren't committed. Quite the contrary, they all are. Being poly isn't an excuse to cheat; it's a way for the greatest number of people to have the greatest number of opportunities for happiness. That said, the only argument for being monogamous seems to be a moot point.

What say you?

~BB~

[Tika]

Poly people strike me as greedy, selfish, immature and narcissistic. They want it all. "Me me me me me, I want to be happy all the time, pay attention to meeeee, OH GOD I CAN NEVER BE ALONE". There's a girl I know who's poly and holy fuck is she ever irritating. "My boyfriends" this, "My boyfriends" that. She bitches and moans if she's alone for five fucking seconds. It's pathetic and what's more, it's kind of creepy.

Grow up and accept that life's not perfect and neither are people. Contrary to what fairy tales have tried to teach, you can't have it all. If you're with someone and there are issues, you discuss them and either work things out or move on. People aren't Pokemon, you can't collect a bunch to fill out your stable of wants/needs.

When you set up the discussion with loaded premises like you have, what point is there in wasting time on discussion? You've already arrived at what you think is right and you're not going to change your mind based on anyone's input because you don't really want anyone's input. You just want, like all poly fans, to wave your life in other people's faces. "Oh I'm poly, you just don't get it, it's awesome, you're so narrowminded and couldn't possibly understand".

[LibertyHarkness]

i dont like to share

poly isnt for me ...

[doctor screw]

My dad had 2 wives,it's really not that bad having 2 mothers

[BellaBellucci]

Poly people strike me as greedy, selfish, immature and narcissistic. They want it all.

Excuse me, but many of us have just as much love to offer as we take.

Grow up and accept that life's not perfect and neither are people. Contrary to what fairy tales have tried to teach, you can't have it all.

Life is what we make it. It's cliche, but it's still true.

When you set up the discussion with loaded premises like you have, what point is there in wasting time on discussion? You've already arrived at what you think is right and you're not going to change your mind based on anyone's input because you don't really want anyone's input.

I'm not asking you to agree with me or convince me that I'm wrong. This isn't about me at all; I'd just like to have a frank discussion on the topic without personal attacks. In the latter regard, you've already failed. Thanks for that.

You just want, like all poly fans, to wave your life in other people's faces. "Oh I'm poly, you just don't get it, it's awesome, you're so narrowminded and couldn't possibly understand".

Oh... you're in my head now? You know my motives?

~BB~

[danthepoetman]

I have found someone with whom it connects totally. Communion more than communication. Something like that is difficult to explain. She’s my meaning and my end; not sharing the important with her is almost like not living it at all. And it’s not that I can’t; I have. But it’s at best like comparing a Monday morning to a Friday. It hasn’t been perfect; but what terrible spots we’ve been through were all about ghosts and demons.
I can understand that not everyone finds something like this. As a matter of fact, I know it too well. You’re absolutely right, Bella, that some people make their mutual lives miserable, almost as if it was the very end of a couple to make each other unhappy. And I also completely agree that not being monogamous doesn’t mean not being able to give love and live loving relations (rather than “a relationship”) with others.
My hunch is, it’s a pure matter of circumstances and essentially blind luck.

…and oops! she’s home now. So since she always comes first for me, I’ll talk to you guys later…

[BellaBellucci]

I have found someone with whom it connects totally. Communion more than communication. Something like that is difficult to explain. She’s my meaning and my end; not sharing the important with her is almost like not living it at all. And it’s not that I can’t; I have. But it’s at best like comparing a Monday morning to a Friday. It hasn’t been perfect; but what terrible spots we’ve been through were all about ghosts and demons.
I can understand that not everyone finds something like this. As a matter of fact, I know it too well. You’re absolutely right, Bella, that some people make their mutual lives miserable, almost as if it was the very end of a couple to make each other unhappy. And I also completely agree that not being monogamous doesn’t mean not being able to give love and live loving relations (rather than “a relationship”) with others.
My hunch is, it’s a pure matter of circumstances and essentially blind luck.

…and oops! she’s home now. So since she always comes first for me, I’ll talk to you guys later…

Yeah, I actually agree with this. If I was to come into a relationship with someone with whom I'd like a monogamous relationship, and I was single at the time, then I'd probably try it again.

... but that person would have to be almost impossibly exceptional.

~BB~

[Jericho]

Guess I'm just a selfish greedy bastard!

[CaliBoy951]

To each there own but in regards to a serious relationship poly isn't for me.

[RallyCola]

unfortunately, i tend to agree that an actual discussion cannot occur because there is nothing to debate. as a supporter of monogamy, in terms of a peer-bonded relationship, devoid of the cultural cultivation of marriage and family, there is nothing that i can say that a poly person would agree with or even see value in. for many, its a way to glorify swinging and for others, you may in fact believe that you have more love to spread around but I would submit that applying Malthus is essential...that a poly person would argue they have greater capacity for love just shows how self-absorbed they are.

suffice it to say that for reasons you can't understand, the feeling of love, belonging and concern i have for one person make me a better person and such feelings remain so strong that i need not seek to supplement them with anyone else.