Excellent Article about dating Transwomen?

[MHarrigan82]

Trans girls are battling a mistake in nature to become what they were supposed to be. Many of them consider it a birth defect. It’s difficult to for them to find acceptance. Imagine waking up one day in the wrong skin and not being able to see yourself in the mirror as you see yourself inside. Many TS ladies live “steath” meaning no one around them -- socially or at work -- knows of their personal situation and medical history.

For some men, being attracted to a TS female can cause a little anxiety. Don’t let mis-information, ego and fear make you pass up the opportunity to get a great new girlfriend. Check it out. You very possibly could find a hidden treasure who just might be the love of your life.

The find a girlfriend FAQ:

1. If I get a girlfriend who is TS, does that make me gay?

No. This is not a gay issue. A transsexual woman is a girl.


2. What do they look like?

Remember it’s about the quality of the girl as a person. Appearance and feminization can depend on how far along they are in their transition. Their goal is to blend in undetected and live like a normal woman.


3. I’m not sure I know how to handle being with a transsexual physically. What should I

expect?

Take it at your own pace. A person is not the sum of their body parts. Some TS girls are pre-op (before having Sex Reassignment Surgery), some are post-op (after SRS), and some are non-op (don‘t plan on ever having SRS). You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to but if you do, she’s the girl and you’re the guy regardless of what happens in bed. It’s that simple. Most girls are comfortable in the traditional female role.


4. I’m nervous. How do I go about it?

Don’t be nervous. Simply approach her in person, in chat or email her like you would any other woman. Talk to her about your concerns, she will understand. Be respectful and decent. Do not ask her for multiple photos or discuss sex with her on initial contact. You will come off like a pervert and will get rejected. Also don’t be fanatical or an admirer. It’s creepy. Just be yourself and have a normal conversation as if you met at a party or cocktail lounge.


5. What if my friends or family find out? Do I need to keep this secret?

When you find a girlfriend, what you do with that new girlfriend is your business. No one need know anything. I personally was in a relationship with a guy for several years. I was best friends with his sister and close with his family and to this day, none of them know of my past. Keep things to yourself. It's your new girlfriend's choice who she decides to tell.

Are you a fag?"

That's exactly what a man shudders to hear when his family, friends, coworkers or his boss discovers that his girlfriend is a transsexual.

"Yes" as an answer is obviously untrue. Gay guys are not romantically or sexually attracted to women.

"No" as an answer means you will have some explaining to do. So you say: No.

"This is a chick with a dick," that guy says to you. "Do you expect me to believe you're not messing with that thing? Is she the one fucking you in the ass, or are you fucking her in the ass? Maybe you're fucking each other? Either way, man, that's gross! Jesus, I had no idea you were like that!"

The post-op defense

If she's post-op – I'm sure you know what that means – you have a defense:

"Knock it off. She's had the sex-change surgery. She's a woman," you say.

"No, she's not a woman," the guy says. "She doesn't have female organs and she was born a dude, dude."

You may not be a redneck, but by this point in the conversation, your neck may be turning red. Along with your face. And your fist may be tightly clenched. What do you do now? Use that fist and put the ignorant son of a bitch in the hospital? Maybe you could try some logic instead:

"You have met transsexuals before and probably you didn't even know it. You may have even asked one out." Nah, he'll laugh at that. He'll say he can "spot a tranny" every time.

"Am I a fag? Have I ever hit on you?" you snarl at him. "Have I ever hit on any guy that you know of? I haven't and you know it, so I'm not a fag." Good argument, but he'll probably just think you won't hit on anyone you know in your family, social or work circles.

You could be dismissive, with humor:

"Her background doesn't matter to me. But doesn't she have great tits?" If she has great tits, he'll probably agree.

Slam it home hard if necessary

I believe the most effective way to shut down ignorant and/or intolerant people is to be very straightforward and honest, and to do this with solid conviction. You no doubt have your own way of phrasing such things, but this works for me:

"Look, she is my girlfriend. In her mind, she's always been a girl and she's in the process of making her body match what's in her head. Now, I really love this girl and I expect you to show some respect. Furthermore, what happens sexually between her and I is none of your business. If this really bothers you, then you are the one with the problem. Deal with it and go get help."

Yes, that's right, the man should stand up for his transsexual lady. Unfortunately, transsexual ladies usually discover this is unlikely to happen until the man is over age 40. I know there are exceptions to this rule, but it takes a lot of inner strength to put personal and business relationships on the line.

Usually, it takes many years for a man to gain the experience and confidence necessary for him to be able to risk losing those he's close to, or risk being ostracized. This is exactly why TS ladies have such a hard time finding a relationship with younger men. These younger ladies may hear the promises about love and romance, but what happens when she says: "I'd like to meet your parents and friends"?

He either delays that by offering up some lame excuse, or bolts for the door, never to be seen again.

Either he was afraid, or he was lying. It's not news that men will lie to get sex. With men under 40, it's almost always about sex. Even though this young man may desire a relationship with a transsexual, there will be moments when stark, cold reality gets in the way of that fantasy

If she's fully passable but pre-op, what happens if her tucked penis somehow becomes visible in her bikini bottom? What about if her Adam's apple is noticeable? If she hasn't completed electrolysis, facial hair might compromise the big secret. What about her voice? Oh my god – what will Mom and Dad think? What about the office Christmas party when she meets the boss?

If he has joint custody of children from a prior marriage, what happens if his ex-wife finds out? Will she try to use that as leverage in court to cut him out?

What about his football or golf buddies? What he dreads hearing is: "Are you a fag?"

Can you sense his ice-cold fear?

In this situation, when faced with the reality of entering into a legitimate relationship, he has to make a choice: Face down these people or run from the TS girl. Most often, he will run.

If you're a TS lady experiencing this problem, then it would be useful to talk about this openly and honestly with your man. You might as well find out if he can handle the ancillary relationship issues. This is far more problematic than what a genetic female experiences.

Did he say he can handle it? Good, then put him to the test. You might as well find out if he's telling the truth before you invest any more of your time and money in him. If he disappears on you, then you know for a fact that he can't handle it. Also apply this test to older men; obviously, there are a lot of liars with gray hair.

[nysprod]

Great info except for one thing...where/how can I find one??

[MHarrigan82]

There are online dating websites such as Transgenderdate, TSDating, and even some girls on regular sites such as match.com or plentyoffish.com Even craigslist have single tgirls posting in the misc love section. I found my girlfriend off of ts dating.

[bluesoul]

Great info except for one thing...where/how can I find one??

depends on where you are. currently, divas in san francisco has a wide variety of transsexuals for you to choose from

[MHarrigan82]

I live in Dallas bluesoul we don't have bar club like Divas. We have some gay and lesbian bars but no transbars. I tried looking for a tgirl at one of those bars most were crossdressers, drag queens, or escorts which i was not looking for. I lot of regular 9 to 5 stealth girls are on transgender date and ts dating.

[bluesoul]

I live in Dallas bluesoul we don't have bar club like Divas. We have some gay and lesbian bars but no transbars. I tried looking for a tgirl at one of those bars most were crossdressers, drag queens, or escorts which i was not looking for. I lot of regular 9 to 5 stealth girls are on transgender date and ts dating.

try going on craigslist and directing a question to the ts community requesting information about places where you can meet trans-women. in the mean time- here are some places that you can cruise:

http://www.yelp.com/search?find_desc...c=Dallas%2C+TX

[christianxxx]

that is the first time I have heard the word "non-op" in 15 years of being around TS girls. wow

[GoddessAthena85]

that is the first time I have heard the word "non-op" in 15 years of being around TS girls. wow

First time for everything , for everyone I suppose.

[lifeisfiction]

that is the first time I have heard the word "non-op" in 15 years of being around TS girls. wow

There are several performers who are non-op, I have heard it before, never thought it was new term.

I people hear different things at different times. I heard one tg tell me that tops are generally more aggressive and bottoms are more passive. Now that was something new. I don't buy it, but her and her friends said it is true. It just depends what comes up in your conversation.

[danthepoetman]

Trans girls are battling a mistake in nature to become what they were supposed to be. Many of them consider it a birth defect. It’s difficult to for them to find acceptance. Imagine waking up one day in the wrong skin and not being able to see yourself in the mirror as you see yourself inside. Many TS ladies live “steath” meaning no one around them -- socially or at work -- knows of their personal situation and medical history.

For some men, being attracted to a TS female can cause a little anxiety. Don’t let mis-information, ego and fear make you pass up the opportunity to get a great new girlfriend. Check it out. You very possibly could find a hidden treasure who just might be the love of your life.

The find a girlfriend FAQ:

1. If I get a girlfriend who is TS, does that make me gay?

No. This is not a gay issue. A transsexual woman is a girl.


2. What do they look like?

Remember it’s about the quality of the girl as a person. Appearance and feminization can depend on how far along they are in their transition. Their goal is to blend in undetected and live like a normal woman.


3. I’m not sure I know how to handle being with a transsexual physically. What should I

expect?

Take it at your own pace. A person is not the sum of their body parts. Some TS girls are pre-op (before having Sex Reassignment Surgery), some are post-op (after SRS), and some are non-op (don‘t plan on ever having SRS). You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to but if you do, she’s the girl and you’re the guy regardless of what happens in bed. It’s that simple. Most girls are comfortable in the traditional female role.


4. I’m nervous. How do I go about it?

Don’t be nervous. Simply approach her in person, in chat or email her like you would any other woman. Talk to her about your concerns, she will understand. Be respectful and decent. Do not ask her for multiple photos or discuss sex with her on initial contact. You will come off like a pervert and will get rejected. Also don’t be fanatical or an admirer. It’s creepy. Just be yourself and have a normal conversation as if you met at a party or cocktail lounge.


5. What if my friends or family find out? Do I need to keep this secret?

When you find a girlfriend, what you do with that new girlfriend is your business. No one need know anything. I personally was in a relationship with a guy for several years. I was best friends with his sister and close with his family and to this day, none of them know of my past. Keep things to yourself. It's your new girlfriend's choice who she decides to tell.

Are you a fag?"

That's exactly what a man shudders to hear when his family, friends, coworkers or his boss discovers that his girlfriend is a transsexual.

"Yes" as an answer is obviously untrue. Gay guys are not romantically or sexually attracted to women.

"No" as an answer means you will have some explaining to do. So you say: No.

"This is a chick with a dick," that guy says to you. "Do you expect me to believe you're not messing with that thing? Is she the one fucking you in the ass, or are you fucking her in the ass? Maybe you're fucking each other? Either way, man, that's gross! Jesus, I had no idea you were like that!"

The post-op defense

If she's post-op – I'm sure you know what that means – you have a defense:

"Knock it off. She's had the sex-change surgery. She's a woman," you say.

"No, she's not a woman," the guy says. "She doesn't have female organs and she was born a dude, dude."

You may not be a redneck, but by this point in the conversation, your neck may be turning red. Along with your face. And your fist may be tightly clenched. What do you do now? Use that fist and put the ignorant son of a bitch in the hospital? Maybe you could try some logic instead:

"You have met transsexuals before and probably you didn't even know it. You may have even asked one out." Nah, he'll laugh at that. He'll say he can "spot a tranny" every time.

"Am I a fag? Have I ever hit on you?" you snarl at him. "Have I ever hit on any guy that you know of? I haven't and you know it, so I'm not a fag." Good argument, but he'll probably just think you won't hit on anyone you know in your family, social or work circles.

You could be dismissive, with humor:

"Her background doesn't matter to me. But doesn't she have great tits?" If she has great tits, he'll probably agree.

Slam it home hard if necessary

I believe the most effective way to shut down ignorant and/or intolerant people is to be very straightforward and honest, and to do this with solid conviction. You no doubt have your own way of phrasing such things, but this works for me:

"Look, she is my girlfriend. In her mind, she's always been a girl and she's in the process of making her body match what's in her head. Now, I really love this girl and I expect you to show some respect. Furthermore, what happens sexually between her and I is none of your business. If this really bothers you, then you are the one with the problem. Deal with it and go get help."

Yes, that's right, the man should stand up for his transsexual lady. Unfortunately, transsexual ladies usually discover this is unlikely to happen until the man is over age 40. I know there are exceptions to this rule, but it takes a lot of inner strength to put personal and business relationships on the line.

Usually, it takes many years for a man to gain the experience and confidence necessary for him to be able to risk losing those he's close to, or risk being ostracized. This is exactly why TS ladies have such a hard time finding a relationship with younger men. These younger ladies may hear the promises about love and romance, but what happens when she says: "I'd like to meet your parents and friends"?

He either delays that by offering up some lame excuse, or bolts for the door, never to be seen again.

Either he was afraid, or he was lying. It's not news that men will lie to get sex. With men under 40, it's almost always about sex. Even though this young man may desire a relationship with a transsexual, there will be moments when stark, cold reality gets in the way of that fantasy

If she's fully passable but pre-op, what happens if her tucked penis somehow becomes visible in her bikini bottom? What about if her Adam's apple is noticeable? If she hasn't completed electrolysis, facial hair might compromise the big secret. What about her voice? Oh my god – what will Mom and Dad think? What about the office Christmas party when she meets the boss?

If he has joint custody of children from a prior marriage, what happens if his ex-wife finds out? Will she try to use that as leverage in court to cut him out?

What about his football or golf buddies? What he dreads hearing is: "Are you a fag?"

Can you sense his ice-cold fear?

In this situation, when faced with the reality of entering into a legitimate relationship, he has to make a choice: Face down these people or run from the TS girl. Most often, he will run.

If you're a TS lady experiencing this problem, then it would be useful to talk about this openly and honestly with your man. You might as well find out if he can handle the ancillary relationship issues. This is far more problematic than what a genetic female experiences.

Did he say he can handle it? Good, then put him to the test. You might as well find out if he's telling the truth before you invest any more of your time and money in him. If he disappears on you, then you know for a fact that he can't handle it. Also apply this test to older men; obviously, there are a lot of liars with gray hair.

Normally for something like this I would simply put an "I agree" emoticone; but this is such a good, enlightening post, MHarrigan, that I want to quote it all. Thank you!
Christian, we read the word "non-op" quite regularly on this forum, it seems to me. I can't imagine that the concept of a t-woman not wanting to have srs is something new and unknown to you, among all people... You know, it's a huge step for someone to decide to have such an anatomical change. I think it's one more elements of the pains and dilemmas t-women have to go through...