Spent the last two weeks in a State run Regional Psychiatric Hospital

[Erika1487]

On Friday September the 14th I decided this life was no longer worth living. I sat at my kitchen table alone and picked up my Keltec PF9 drew the slide back putting a 115grain fmj into the chamber. I drew the gun to my temple and put my finger on the trigger, then my mom came over and screamed 'don't do it'.
Crying uncontrolably I put the gun down on the table and my aunt drove me to the E.R. I was seen by a doctor and a social worker, then sent (by police escort) to Appalachian Behavioral Healthcare, a state psychiatric hospital, run by The Ohio Department of Mental Health.
For the last two weeks Ward 1 north has been my home. I was placed on umpretictable behavior and was monitored by staff 24hrs a day. Every 15mins a staff member had to report where i was and what i was doing.
I was placed on the women's side of the ward for the entire stay. Being trans was not an issue there.
The fist week there I found a loose paper clip with a sharp edge and cut my wrist with it twice.
The second time i cut myself, I was placed in a 'quiet room' and strapped down to a bed fed seditaves for 12hrs.
The second week went better, my new deppression meds kicked in, I no longer felt suicidial.
Today my psychiatrist signed my relase and I came home at 11Am.
I am better, but a hell of a long way from being ok.....

[robertlouis]

Big hugs, Erika. x

[Steele67]

I'm glad to hear that you are doing better. I myself have been where you are 2 years ago. It took me over a year to get control of my situation and I'm doing a lot better now. I know that you don't know me but if you ever need a friend or someone to just talk to don't hesitate to contact me. My email is brbrahma@yahoo.com. I will be there to listen to you and will try to help in any way I can.

[danthepoetman]

Hang on, Erika! You have friends here! there’s people for whom you’re important and precious! Life is sometimes a fucking bitch, but there is always something you can find to make it interesting and fun.
Life is all we have; it’s the very bottom line. Sometimes, for some reason, we stop letting it give joys to us; it’s as if we didn’t want anything to do, not so much with life itself, but more with anything it has to offer. You have to let yourself appreciate what it can give you, even when you feel it’s not that much.
At this point, you have to take care of yourself, Erika. Pleasure yourself! do what you like to do! find back what you like to do if need be. And REST! that’s very important. Take a lot of time to recuperate and recover. REST.
Many people in this society feel that people who suffer from depression are cowards. But the reality is exactly the opposite. And it’s exactly why those people suffer from depression. People affected with this are those who constantly push themselves, those who never ever give themselves a break. It’s almost a sickness in itself. They are the more severe and hard on themselves than anybody would be. At some point, they get so tired of what they, themselves, demands from themselves (yes!), that they start functioning only on nervous tension. And when you function on nervous tension alone, at some point, this tension suddenly completely releases and the person has absolutely nothing left. Everything seems gone. That’s why all the energy leaves you, and that’s why every problem or heartache seems colossal. This is very difficult to build back: you have to rest a lot, do what you like to do, and slowly learn back to enjoy life.
Don’t stop talking to us, Erika! Everybody loves you on this forum. We're not physically with you but believe me, we all are in mind!

[Wendy Summers]

Sorry you had a rough patch there. I'm glad to see you got and I hope are continuing to get help.

HA wouldn't be the same without you.

[robertlouis]

Sorry you had a rough patch there. I'm glad to see you got and I hope are continuing to get help.

HA wouldn't be the same without you.

Very nicely put, Wendy. I echo the sentiments. Please stick around Erika - and you know who to pm if we can help.

[loveboof]

Hi Erika,

I'm sorry to hear about your recent problems. I would just like to echo what some others have said in your thread - there is never no hope.

You should never feel lost or afraid. There are still plenty of wonderful people and things in the world, and whenever you feel low I hope you will reach out to someone rather than thinking you have nowhere else to turn.

We may be an anonymous internet community here on HA, but sometimes anonymity is the best place to start from in order to speak honestly

There are people here who would go out of their way to help you Erika, and although I don't know you I would like to extend my hand with them if you are ever in need again...

[buttslinger]

I was just going to write in another thread how the people here have actually become PEOPLE, but I didn't because I thought it was too sappy. So this is pretty shocking that this could happen to my favorite Republican. Get the very best doctor you can, Erika, it's a real good sign the meds make you feel better in this amount of time.

[danthepoetman]

If anyone has a personal link to Erika and a way to reach her outside here, it’s time to encourage her; it’s time not to let her down… She’s such a wonderful person, so colourful and with such an engaging, attractive personality. She’s so deserving of friendship and love! I hope someone can stay in contact with her on a regular basis.

[tsadriana]

Erika me loves u and im with u all the way hun....u can talk with me anytime hun.....Don`t forget u said it that im mad so pls let me be the mad one..BIg hugs and all my support hun 24/7 anytime u need to talk with someone im here.....Love ya be strong....We all have a hard life but being strong is all about....lots of kisses xxxxxxx