Question to those that date escorts

[Fancy fancy]

Libby,

Would you date a "civilian" and tolerate if they were having sex with other people, albeit with your full knowledge?

i would date someone but they would have to accept i work in the adult industry with no intentions of leaving it for the forseeable future ... i.e webcamming, camera work , modelling or escorting etc ...

so therefore i would pretty much say that rules out 99% of civilians ...of which would just leave me to find another person the industry as they understand the setup .

[runningdownthatdream]

My partner is similar to yo apart from two things.
He wasn't particularly interested in a relationship or even sex with a Ts, before he met me.
Not even after he met me, for a while, either!
He was neutral about escorts to. Just a job so to speak.
But unlikely he could be friends with one or date one.
Purely coz he wouldn't want the potential wide range of issues
that may go along with being in such a relationship.
I was indifferent to dating anyone. Like simply not bothered either way.
We became good friends then an item.
By which point the trans thing was a generally non issue.
Escorting more of an issue. He's very supportive but it's not something he is wildly enthusiastic about. Today he was helping to rig some HT cables on a pylon. {It's one of his trades} I hate him going up those towers. He points out that it's the same for him when I go on an o/c.
But we both accept it's our jobs.
And both pay well enough to give us lots of time together
that more orthodox jobs may not, if not in £/$ then in time away from said job.

Just choices.

I used to think a more sexually open society would be a good thing, but now that we have it, I can see that it just provides validation for misogyny. Leave it to men to fuck up a beautiful thing like real love.

~BB~

Right on..

so you ladies aren't like these ladies:

[Tyler___Durden]

Libby,
Would you date a "civilian" and tolerate if they were having sex with other people, albeit with your full knowledge?

I would totally, yes.
And I say that.
I'm 100% fine and supporting if he wants to do some away recreational shagging.
Thing is, he's just not interested in anyone else.

[kmersh]

My partner is similar to yo apart from two things.
He wasn't particularly interested in a relationship or even sex with a Ts, before he met me.

It is not as much as I am interested in a relationship with a TS (is that the proper abbreviation?), it is just after meeting a few as friends that I began to understand they are women like genetic women, just different plumbing that many get corrected at some point.

Truth be told, I have never had anything other than heterosexual sex and I am not sure I would know exactly what to do, I understand the physics of it but I would probably need some instruction at first.

He was neutral about escorts to. Just a job so to speak.
But unlikely he could be friends with one or date one.
Purely coz he wouldn't want the potential wide range of issues
that may go along with being in such a relationship.

I was chatting with my seatmate on a flight from Los Angeles to New York and the hours just passed by for the both of us. Upon landing I took a risk and asked her to dinner the following evening.

I was shocked when she said yes and we exchanged contact info and went on our merry way. After a fantastic dinner and conversation we kissed good night and she said something that sounded strange at the time, but makes perfect sense when put in context, that she apologized for the early night but she had a prior appointment. I took that as a brush off, but was slightly confused because she initiated the kiss.

When she called me the next day, I was pleasantly surprised and we planned for dinner the following night because she had a commitment that day and did not want to cut the night early again. Well, the rest was history (we both lived in LA at the time) and after going out for about a month, she told me she was an escort and I have to admit at first that I was a little uneasy about the idea at first.

However, I really liked her as a person and I learned that while it not be my choice of profession, I really cannot judge. As her profession is not who she was nor is to this very day (and we are still close friends) and I over time became more comfortable with the idea.

Again, I want to date somebody for who they are not what they are.

K

[BeardedOne]

it is not uncommon if you are into ts, that you end up paying to see one. Question of offer and demand.

But here is the question:
- do you pay because you pay them to leave after having had sex, and you don't desire to have a relationship, same thing if you dated women.

-because you want to see someone different each time?

- or would you prefer something more long term, even if it was a sugar daddy arrangement?

Having never paid for sex I don't know how the other side thinks but I was always of the opinion that most people pay because it is easier that looking for something real and putting yourself in a position to be emotionally hurt. Genuine intimacy scares most people and turning part of that into a business transaction removes some of the open, naked feeling of an actual relationship.

In my case, all of the above.

Longtime readers of my rants and rambles know that I am bi, poly, and have had a rocky 'love' life that's had its share of noisy train wrecks. My commercial relationships have elements of all of the above points:

After my last 'lover' ditched me in 1998 I lost all interest and hope in ever having a lifemate/soulmate or long term relationship. Though I have tended to being a hermit since then, I still crave the human aspect from time to time in everything from conversation to tangles between the sheets. Seriously, my cats are lousy conversationalists and I don't even want to begin to think of what awful bedmates they'd be. Pussy isn't all it's made out to be.

Though I use the common adage of not paying for sex, but paying for them to leave after sex, I'm not always that anxious for them to leave after the festivities have ended. Some of my commercial dates have gone on to late dinners and occasional friendly meetings outside of the business relationship.

Being poly by nature, I've always been open to plural relationships, different partners and, because I am a 'genuine' bisexual and not an 'ersatz bi' (The kind of people that claim to be bi, but are actually deluded straight people that use phrases like "Any hole in a storm"), different genders. Though I've had a number of lovers that were open to poly relationships (Hell, there are conferences that celebrate and study poly lifestyles), human nature comes into play and jealousy rears its many-horned head. Open-end commercial encounters bring a varied math to the intimate relationship.

I confess that I would like to have a more permanent relationship with my partners, but I don't see it happening. If I were truly wealthy, I'd certainly get together with one or more gurls in the long haul. There is one, sweet person that is local to me that I discovered via these forums and that I have seen a few times over the past couple of years that would be high on my wish list. We get on wonderfully, she's met many of my friends, and the 'whoopie' factor is exceptional. I help her handle her cell bill so that we can keep in touch and wish I could do more, not just for the commercial trade-off, but also for the fact that I can honestly say that she pretty much saved my life at a rough time and I'd like to return the favor. For the right person/persons I'd be a sugar-daddy, not just for the intimate considerations, but also for how they affect me and how I might actually feel for them.

Lastly, as Quiet Reflections points out, commercial relationships do streamline the process a great deal. I hate the game-playing and the intricate courting dances that develop. I have never mastered the language and am often frustrated by the missteps. I was once asked how many partners/lovers I'd had in my life and I answered "More than one and less than two...hundred" and I've never considered more than a handful 'fleeting'. I'm not enamored of the one-night stand and get very attached to those that I am intimate with (Which can be difficult with commercial relationships). Yet I've never attuned myself to the speech and tactics needed to attain success in a relationship. In my most recent encounter, where the results were already guaranteed by contract, the girl sweetly leaned over and said "Hold my hand, dummy!", because I'm still shy and have contact issues. Go figure.

Sure, the holier-than-thou, studly moralists that 'never have to pay for it', will admonish us for not having 'game', but they have...no...idea. I wouldn't have two hundred names on my holiday card list if I didn't have 'game', but I choose pay-for-play for a number of personal reasons that have little to do with sex-for-money and 'prostitution' and more to do with a simplified lifestyle and some personal issues that cause me to deliberately limit my human interaction.

In the end, the accounting has come out ahead for me. Including dinners, gifts, hotel expenses, and the 'roses', I've spent less in recent years with escorts than I did in earlier years with 'lovers'. I've been happier, spent quality time with exceptional people, enjoyed exotic encounters, and gained some incredible bragging rights (Seriously, how many guys can say that they have professional video of their dates?).

Thank you, nina_lisa, for starting this thread and giving some of us FOGs a chance to tell our side of the commercial date tale.

[NJfan]

i would date someone but they would have to accept i work in the adult industry with no intentions of leaving it for the forseeable future ... i.e webcamming, camera work , modelling or escorting etc ...

so therefore i would pretty much say that rules out 99% of civilians ...of which would just leave me to find another person the industry as they understand the setup .

I could totally date you if you didn't live so far away. And it also depends on what version of BSG you are into. BTW, I used to be an Apple Tech. How is your Mac Book Pro failing?

[kmersh]

In my case, all of the above.

Longtime readers of my rants and rambles know that I am bi, poly, and have had a rocky 'love' life that's had its share of noisy train wrecks. My commercial relationships have elements of all of the above points:

After my last 'lover' ditched me in 1998 I lost all interest and hope in ever having a lifemate/soulmate or long term relationship. Though I have tended to being a hermit since then, I still crave the human aspect from time to time in everything from conversation to tangles between the sheets. Seriously, my cats are lousy conversationalists and I don't even want to begin to think of what awful bedmates they'd be. Pussy isn't all it's made out to be.

Though I use the common adage of not paying for sex, but paying for them to leave after sex, I'm not always that anxious for them to leave after the festivities have ended. Some of my commercial dates have gone on to late dinners and occasional friendly meetings outside of the business relationship.

Being poly by nature, I've always been open to plural relationships, different partners and, because I am a 'genuine' bisexual and not an 'ersatz bi' (The kind of people that claim to be bi, but are actually deluded straight people that use phrases like "Any hole in a storm"), different genders. Though I've had a number of lovers that were open to poly relationships (Hell, there are conferences that celebrate and study poly lifestyles), human nature comes into play and jealousy rears its many-horned head. Open-end commercial encounters bring a varied math to the intimate relationship.

I confess that I would like to have a more permanent relationship with my partners, but I don't see it happening. If I were truly wealthy, I'd certainly get together with one or more gurls in the long haul. There is one, sweet person that is local to me that I discovered via these forums and that I have seen a few times over the past couple of years that would be high on my wish list. We get on wonderfully, she's met many of my friends, and the 'whoopie' factor is exceptional. I help her handle her cell bill so that we can keep in touch and wish I could do more, not just for the commercial trade-off, but also for the fact that I can honestly say that she pretty much saved my life at a rough time and I'd like to return the favor. For the right person/persons I'd be a sugar-daddy, not just for the intimate considerations, but also for how they affect me and how I might actually feel for them.

Lastly, as Quiet Reflections points out, commercial relationships do streamline the process a great deal. I hate the game-playing and the intricate courting dances that develop. I have never mastered the language and am often frustrated by the missteps. I was once asked how many partners/lovers I'd had in my life and I answered "More than one and less than two...hundred" and I've never considered more than a handful 'fleeting'. I'm not enamored of the one-night stand and get very attached to those that I am intimate with (Which can be difficult with commercial relationships). Yet I've never attuned myself to the speech and tactics needed to attain success in a relationship. In my most recent encounter, where the results were already guaranteed by contract, the girl sweetly leaned over and said "Hold my hand, dummy!", because I'm still shy and have contact issues. Go figure.

Sure, the holier-than-thou, studly moralists that 'never have to pay for it', will admonish us for not having 'game', but they have...no...idea. I wouldn't have two hundred names on my holiday card list if I didn't have 'game', but I choose pay-for-play for a number of personal reasons that have little to do with sex-for-money and 'prostitution' and more to do with a simplified lifestyle and some personal issues that cause me to deliberately limit my human interaction.

In the end, the accounting has come out ahead for me. Including dinners, gifts, hotel expenses, and the 'roses', I've spent less in recent years with escorts than I did in earlier years with 'lovers'. I've been happier, spent quality time with exceptional people, enjoyed exotic encounters, and gained some incredible bragging rights (Seriously, how many guys can say that they have professional video of their dates?).

Thank you, nina_lisa, for starting this thread and giving some of us FOGs a chance to tell our side of the commercial date tale.

I respect that, but I would add one thing, there is the illegality factor (IMHO it should NOT be illegal) and I can only speak for the USA, but here at least it is illegal to pay for sex.

That illegality factor is enough to scare me away from ever actually going through with it, because the last thing I want is to end up in cuffs. At least in my area, the police are doing what is called "Reversed Stings" they are going after the "Johns" by posing on the internet as escorts, arranging a meeting and then arresting the "John" when the deal is made.

With that potential risk out there, I would rather just do it the old fashioned way and date/etc. as at least I cannot get arrested.

K

[BeardedOne]

I respect that, but I would add one thing, there is the illegality factor (IMHO it should NOT be illegal) and I can only speak for the USA, but here at least it is illegal to pay for sex.

That illegality factor is enough to scare me away from ever actually going through with it, because the last thing I want is to end up in cuffs. At least in my area, the police are doing what is called "Reversed Stings" they are going after the "Johns" by posing on the internet as escorts, arranging a meeting and then arresting the "John" when the deal is made.

With that potential risk out there, I would rather just do it the old fashioned way and date/etc. as at least I cannot get arrested.

K

Yah, it can get interesting. In my case I've only had a couple of encounters where I didn't already have some prior connection with my date. With most I've had some previous communication wherein I got to know them a little better and vice-versey. I already knew who I was meeting and had some rapport with them when we met face to face. Repeat encounters make it all the more personal. It helps that I've typically met them in environments where there were people that I knew around us.

[kmersh]

I used to think a more sexually open society would be a good thing, but now that we have it, I can see that it just provides validation for misogyny. Leave it to men to fuck up a beautiful thing like real love.

~BB~

RANT ON

Ms. Bellucci,

I was re-reading this thread to better understand myself and my fellow human and your post stood out at me as I believe you have justification for your feelings, but I do hope that you have not made your judgements based purely from the internet and this bulletin board in particular.

Love is a beautiful thing, there is no question about it, but and here is where I feel you might have jumped the track (that is if, you have made your judgements strictly based on internet data points) the internet creates a level of noise as I see it and bulletin boards by their nature attract a fairly homogenous user base thus amplifying a certain set of sounds over the balanced real world that is around us.

I would argue that now, more than ever, we are less misogynistic as a greater society, we are far more open than we ever have been before and I believe things are progressing in the right direction.

Maybe I am suffering from naïveté, but I was raised by a very progressive feminist women who taught me that a woman can do anything a man can do, and that in time women will be equals to men in everything they desire to do. My Mother and Grandmother both attended college and graduate school, my Grandmother (in a time when women really did not go much past high school), thus I see society as becoming more progressive and less misogynistic as a whole.

When my Grandmother attended Medical school the male students resented her being there as did the male faculty who felt she was wasting their time as once she found a husband the practice of medicine would fall by the wayside. Contrast that to my Mother who also attended Medical School (almost thirty years later) and felt welcomed by her fellow students and faculty alike, and did not have to fight tooth and nail (like my Grandmother did) to show the males that she was every bit their equal.

Are we there yet? No absolutely not, but I would argue that we are a more open society in all categories (including sexually) and that misogyny (the hatred of women) while still around (it will probably never fully go away) is far less than it ever was before and that is a big accomplishment for all human beings.

Ms. Bellucci I do not know you in any fashion, but I do hope that you realize that the internet and bulletin boards bring together certain sets of people and those certain sets of people create a level of noise and that noise does not represent the entire populous as a whole.

K

RANT OFF