Relationship Jokes:Upgraded frm Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

This was sent to me by a GG close friend of mine who got married and thought was very funny so Id like to share this with everyone on the board.

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0, and noticed a distinct slow-down in overall system performance - particularly in The Flower and Jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, MLB 3.0, NBA 4.0, NASCAR 4.2 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate

************************************************** ***

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: "http//www.I-Thought-You-Loved-Me.com" and try to download Tears 6.2, and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background, that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory, and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Hope this Helps,

Tech Support Department
__________________________________________________ ___

LMAO..

~Kisses.

HTG[/b]

[Dengoza]

LMAO too

[specialk]

Now THAT'S funny stuff HTG!! LMAO

[tsntx]

thats fucking awesome and going in my blog

[Dengoza]

Yeah I already sent it to a bunch of married friends and divorced friends... lol

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

Glad you guys like..I thought it was funny as hell. Lmao..

~Kisses.

HTG

[Ecstatic]

OK, I just had to write a retort from the other point of view:

Dear Tech Support,

I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 10.7.5 to Wife 3.0 with disasterous results. I should have anticipated the upgrade problems since this is actually the third time I've tried to install Wife (hence my continual resetting of system parameters to Girlfriend versions, but they are simply inadequate as Operating Systems). Among other system errors, I have been hounded by continual Pop Ups, all claiming to be bonafide bank and credit card companies, though I suspect they are phishing. Sex 6.9 no longer operates unless I first activate Sweet Talk 5.1 and crashes unless I also run Shopping Spree 6.4. Housework 3.5 works intermittently, and there are system conflicts with Soaps 4.0 and Oprah 7.2. Nagging 3.0 and Gabbing 6.1 run continuously in the background. What am I to do? With previous installs I've run Divorce 2.5, but that always invokes Alimony 50.50 and I just can't afford to run such an expensive program again. Help!

Signed,

Longing to be single again

************************************************** ***

Dear Longing:

Firstly, we apologize: our sales department should have cautioned you against a third installation of Wife on your existing hardware. Your hardware is now software, and there's little we can do to alleviate the problem, except to advise you to run Divorce 5.0. This is an improved product over the much older version you have run previously, and comes bundled with Lawyer 2.0 and Swiss Bank Account 1.5. However, it is still a risky operation and may permanently affect your hard drive, leaving you with only a floppy.

Alternatively, you can try running Fabio 7.6, which drains system resources from Wife 3.0. Then, partition your system by installing Mistress 9.3 and City Apartment 1.0. If you set the system resources correctly, Fabio 7.6 will prevent Wife 3.0 from detecting Mistress 9.3 and you can keep your secret files on the City Apartment partition. However, be cautioned that system conflicts can result from running these programs simultaneously, leaving you with Alimony 50.50 once again.

Or buy a Mac. That's a Big Mac: you'll have no money left for anything else.

Tech Support Department

[specialk]

Pretty funny one here too!! Nice job Ecstatic!

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

Very funny Ecstatic! Here's the Tranny version:

Dear Tech Support,

I've just recently upgraded from Tricks 4.0 to Boyfriend 5.0, and immediately noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance. Particularly in The Gifts and Money applications, which operated flawlessly under Tricks 5.0. In addition, Boyfriend 5.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as Trannychaser 5.0, Sports 3.0, Lies 4.0, Bars 4.2 and GG 4.1. Chat 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 and bootycalls 2.0 to fix these problems temporarily, but is not fool proof and doesnt work half the time. What can I do?

Signed,

Ms. Clueless

************************************************** ***

Dear Ms. Clueless,

Sorry for the inconvinience and glitches youve been having with Boyfriend 5.0. As a safety reminder, Tricks 4.0 is an Entertainment software, while Boyfriend 5.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: "http//www.I-Thought-You-Loved-Me.com" and try to download Tears 6.2, and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, boyfriend 5.0 should then automatically run the applications Gifts 2.0 and Money 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Boyfriend 5.0 to default to start up and Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, Beer 6.1. (Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta).

Whatever you do, NEVER install and run Friends 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background called Tranny chaser 5.0, GG 4.1 and Lies 4.0) and Nagging 5.3 altogether. It will eventually seize control and corrupt all your system resources. Also, do not attempt to reinstall Tricks 4.0 program while on Boyfriend 5.0. These two conflicts eachother and will crash Boyfriend 5.0.

In summary, Boyfriend 5.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory, and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might want to try and consider downloading additional plug-ins for your version of Boyfriend 5.0 to tune up and improve memory and overall performance. We recommend Patience 3.0, Hot Food 3.0, Lingerie 7.7 and Sex X.0.

Hope this Helps,

Tech Support Department
__________________________________________________ ___________

~Kisses.

HTG

[Ecstatic]

Thanks, HTG! Some funny additions to the Tranny version as well--I'd like to see more!

I did hear from Tech Support this morning (after being on hold for 17 days, 12 hours, and 42 minutes to a call center in Mumbai) and they suggested one alternative: Prayer 1.0. "It'll probably accomplish nothing, but it might make you feel better," I was told. They claim that, while this is one of the oldest programs in existence, it has never required an upgrade and has been ported to all known operating systems (consult your owner's manual, provided by most OS Help Centers). Or, for those running an Open Source system, try Angst Beta (no official version has ever been released, and you must code your own).