Refusing to get into a relationship until after SRS?

[maddygirl]

Hey all, I'm Maddy and I'm fairly new here, just wanted to see what other girls on the forum thought about this particular topic and if anyone else feels the same as me about it. Anyway, I'm 19, I've been on hormones for years and I know a few trans girls around my age, but they don't feel the same way. Basically, it doesn't matter how accepting or nice a guy is regarding my transsexuality, I would never be comfortable being naked infront of him or anyone until after I get srs surgery. It's like I don't event want a guy to accept how I am pre-surgery because I don't accept it and nothing anyone has ever said could ever change that. The only way I'd ever want to get intimate with anyone is by having a vagina, and not feeling "different" or like I have something on me which doesn't belong. Obviously, what's between your legs doesn't make you a woman, but I literally have no interest in pursuing a boyfriend until I can feel totally like myself. Feel free to leave your opinions or personal feelings. I'd mostly just like to hear from other trans girls, not really men...sorry... but I'd still be glad to hear what you have to say. Have a great day everyone!

[BellaBellucci]

I share your point of view, but only to an extent. At the end of the day, you may not know how long it'll be before you get SRS, so if you can try to wrap your head around your anatomy and find a guy that is primarily attracted to GG's who can do the same, then a relationship is possible.

I know it's a tall order, but it's not impossible. I waited over 6 years to find a man who could accept me as a woman, a sex worker, a single mother, a Pagan, a nerd/geek, etc. As I explained to him, even if I wasn't trans, there would still be quite a bit about me that isn't exactly mainstream, so when he says he'll still love me after SRS, I absolutely believe him.

In fact, he'd prefer I have it and has the means to help get it done. More on that another time though.

~BB~

[MrsKellyPierce]

I think this is a good decision on your part...

If you can't fully give yourself in a relationship..what's the point of starting one?

[BellaBellucci]

I think this is a good decision on your part...

If you can't fully give yourself in a relationship..what's the point of starting one?

Oh come on now. There are plenty of other things that keep people from that level of intimacy. By your logic, nobody should ever be in a relationship. Just sayin'.

~BB~

[MrsKellyPierce]

Oh come on now. There are plenty of other things that keep people from that level of intimacy. By your logic, nobody should ever be in a relationship. Just sayin'.

~BB~

Bella if she isn't comfortable with herself...she wont be comfortable in romantic relationships..

She should find herself and make herself happy..then find a relationship..

Otherwise it will always end in disaster..and it may pull her self esteem down..

most people in relationships shouldn't be in them..cause they don't love themselves and aren't comfortable with who they are..

It's truth..not far fetched..and most clinical psychologist would say the same

You demonize everything Bella..or at least when it's coming from me..you try to demonize it..

[BellaBellucci]

Bella if she isn't comfortable with herself...she wont be comfortable in romantic relationships..

We don't know her well enough to make that judgment. She could be underestimating herself. So are we really discussing her, talking hypothetically, or is she a proxy for someone else you had in mind?

Besides, if someone really loves you and shares your goals for yourself, what's the problem with that? She doesn't have to write off everyone. She just sounds scared to get hurt, and I can relate to that, but fear is trepidation about the future... which hasn't yet been written.

most people in relationships shouldn't be in them..cause they don't love themselves and aren't comfortable with who they are..

Precisely my point. But part of maturity is dealing with your own insecurities, not handicapping your life over them. Just being trans shouldn't be enough reason to keep someone out of the dating pool IMO. But I guess it's a point of contention.

You demonize everything Bella..or at least when it's coming from me..you try to demonize it..

'Demonize?' Drama queen much? I'm merely presenting an opposing viewpoint - one that is much less self-repressive than yours. Yeah. I'm so evil. Pardon me for trying to be positive.

~BB~

[Jericho]

Well, this should run!

[maddygirl]

Bella if she isn't comfortable with herself...she wont be comfortable in romantic relationships..

She should find herself and make herself happy..then find a relationship..

Otherwise it will always end in disaster..and it may pull her self esteem down..

most people in relationships shouldn't be in them..cause they don't love themselves and aren't comfortable with who they are..

It's truth..not far fetched..and most clinical psychologist would say the same

You demonize everything Bella..or at least when it's coming from me..you try to demonize it..

Thanks for your reply Kelly, I really appreciate it and you hit the nail on the head. I'm really uncomfortable with my body and all I've ever wanted is to have a boyfriend (like every other girl... or the straight ones), but I have come to realize I can't do that until I become 100 % comfortable with my body. It makes me envious that some girls can be so comfortable pre-op but I just know I never could be. It just wouldn't feel right for me. Again thanks for your advice and have a great day.

[maddygirl]

We don't know her well enough to make that judgment. She could be underestimating herself. So are we really discussing her, talking hypothetically, or is she a proxy for someone else you had in mind?

Besides, if someone really loves you and shares your goals for yourself, what's the problem with that? She doesn't have to write off everyone. She just sounds scared to get hurt, and I can relate to that, but fear is trepidation about the future... which hasn't yet been written.



Precisely my point. But part of maturity is dealing with your own insecurities, not handicapping your life over them. Just being trans shouldn't be enough reason to keep someone out of the dating pool IMO. But I guess it's a point of contention.



'Demonize?' Drama queen much? I'm merely presenting an opposing viewpoint - one that is much less self-repressive than yours. Yeah. I'm so evil. Pardon me for trying to be positive.

~BB~

Bella, you're also right, I AM scared of rejection, being hurt, all of that stuff. I don't really have high self-esteem, however, Kelly was right when she said I wasn't comfortable in my skin, and therefore can't really give all of me in a relationship. For me, being comfortable means getting srs, and maybe a couple other things (but those would be icing on the cake). Anyway, thanks for answering and sharing your thoughts hun. Have a great day.

[MrsKellyPierce]

We don't know her well enough to make that judgment. She could be underestimating herself. So are we really discussing her, talking hypothetically, or is she a proxy for someone else you had in mind?

Besides, if someone really loves you and shares your goals for yourself, what's the problem with that? She doesn't have to write off everyone. She just sounds scared to get hurt, and I can relate to that, but fear is trepidation about the future... which hasn't yet been written.



Precisely my point. But part of maturity is dealing with your own insecurities, not handicapping your life over them. Just being trans shouldn't be enough reason to keep someone out of the dating pool IMO. But I guess it's a point of contention.



'Demonize?' Drama queen much? I'm merely presenting an opposing viewpoint - one that is much less self-repressive than yours. Yeah. I'm so evil. Pardon me for trying to be positive.

~BB~

It's pretty obvious she isn't comfortable with her body and who she is on the outside at this time..

Something that controls her mind and scares her...

Something that will prevent her from giving herself in a relationship..

Holding up barriers doesn't help a relationship and at the same time may cause more psychological issues with herself.

I think she should stick to herself - do what she can to accomplish her goal of going post-op - then concern herself with relationships....

Going on a date is a lot different than a relationship...

It's like an alcoholic getting in a date too early after AA...

Relationships take a lot of yourself...even in good times..