Aaarrgh! Damn 'Puter Won't Listen To Me Anymore!

[beandip]

...been runnin LINUX mint for 3+ years. Free. No viruses, ever. No virus protection, ever. Windoze is a fucking virus masquerading as an Operating System. The only program I need Windoze for is AutoCad, so I run it inside VirtualBox. I can even run NetFlix inside VB. Fuck Bill Gates and fuck Windoze.

[GrimFusion]

Dino - stop and do as people suggested - get malwarebytes and superantispyware - both free. If you can't get them onto your infected machine (some of these things are so smart, they won't let you download or run these programs) you may need to download them on a clean machine, slightly change the name, then put them on the infected machine and run.

This may not do it, because some of these infections are so insidious, they change your registry, and every time you restart, they re-install themselves. You may need to go into the registry and manually change/remove some things or download and run some specialty scripts. There are a couple forums where computer geeks will help you out with this - you run a free program (forget the name of it right now) and post the log, and someone will help you out - if running malwarebytes and superantispyware doesn't work, let me know and I will find you some links.

Once you get the machine running, buy and install Norton 360 - the only thing that really, really works.

Then again, with the kind of porn sites you're surfing, there may be no chance for your poor computer!

Most viruses and spyware change registry entries. The more insidious ones change your HOSTS file or redirect you to a proxy hosting a slew of other malware. Antimalware apps usually remove erroneous entries and try to correct changes made to the registry, but some don't do such an awesome job at it.

The program you can't remember the name of is called HijackThis and it's not an easy software to use. If steps aren't followed absolutely and precisely, he risks completely borking OS boot. Good luck stepping him through data recovery via LiveCD.

Norton 360 is pretty pointless. If Dino's behind a wireless router, he's already behind a hardware firewall. There's absolutely no reason to run a software firewall, too. Windows firewall is pretty pointless, but if you're paranoid, leave it enabled. The other totally awesome features in Norton 360? Parental control software, an email attachment scanner which only works with popular email applications like Outlook and Thunderbird, and online storage. It's beyond me why anybody would want to upload their personal files online with a company who has a vested interest in your data.

If he's not behind a wireless router, there are still much better firewall apps like Outpost or Comodo and they aren't pointlessly bloated installations nor do they suck RAM like Norton products do. Another plus? Same protection, and they're free.

He should be buying Norton Antivirus plus Antispyware 2011 if he's going to buy Norton. I'd suggest Kaspersky or NOD32. Kaspersky is really easy to use, and NOD32 removes malware faster and more effectively, but it's a bit of a bitch to setup and configure.

Personally, I use ClamWin. It's open-source, INCREDIBLY low-resource, tiny, does a great job at detecting and removing malware, and it's free. Scan speed is slow, and it doesn't come with all the fancy doo-dads, so I take other preventative measures like using safe browsing habits. On the other hand, I can't exactly point you to a popular free antivirus like Avast, Avira, or AVG because their detection rates float at about 81% and they're always the last to receive definition updates. They used to be good, but they pulled the whole "bait-and-switch" routine and damn near nobody notices.

Or you could get a Mac.

http://www.apple.com/why-mac/

I don't know if that was a joke, or if you were actually suggesting he get a Mac. Macs ARE PCs now-a-days. There used to be a day when PCs and Macs used totally different hardware and everything Mac was completely proprietary, but not anymore. The only thing that makes a Mac and a PC any different is the operating system. Macs are more secure NOW because they run off of a UNIX base and so few people own them that virus proliferation would be low. Really low.

Refuse to fix your PC and buy a Mac and you've just made writing a virus for a Mac a little more appealing to script kiddies. Antivirus software on a Mac IS pointless since there are only five or six known active viruses that can infect a Mac, but as Macs become more numerous that number will rise. Then what? You're stuck with a $1800 laptop and the same problems you had with your old $600 PC.

ProTip for Everybody

Screw installing Antivirus and Antispyware software. Next time you end up having to reformat, learn about, install, and configure this:

Deep Freeze
http://www.faronics.com/en/Products/DeepFreeze/DeepFreezeCorporate.aspx

You'll need to partition your hard drive and configure your software to export anything saved to the second partition, but basically, you can download two rootkits, three viruses, and 15 instances of spyware, reboot your PC and everything reverts right back to the way it was when you first installed Deep Freeze.

Fuckin' A, right?

[Dino Velvet]

You guys are way too smart for me. Maybe we should have a tech section on the board with a super smart mod running it. If it weren't for this board my computer would still be broken and I'd have no weird porn to look at and masturbate to. Thanks. God Bless.

[Dino Velvet]

I have serious impulse issues. Trixie gives me The Clap. Sawbones fixes me up giving me a clean bill of health as I leave the office. Next day I'm over at Trixie's house again remembering all the fun we had but forgetting that she left me scratching.

This Vista AntiVirus 2012 is a real bitch and worse than the 2011 version. System locked up and didn't let me use any anti-virus programs. I finally got around it and have run 3 different anti-virus programs. So far, so good but I'm not out of the woods yet. I might see a little daylight unless it's a mirage.

July 4 is around the corner. Time for my dumb-ass to but a new Dell Desktop and put more viruses on it. Yay!

[robertlouis]

A mac, dear boy, get a mac.

[betts]

A mac, dear boy, get a mac.

Not the answer.
It's the operator, not the operating system, causing the issues.

[robertlouis]

Not the answer.
It's the operator, not the operating system, causing the issues.

It is if you want to minimise virus infection.

[peggygee]

Not the answer.
It's the operator, not the operating system, causing the issues.

Concurs, and here's a t-shirt for our lucky winner.

[robertlouis]

Not the answer.
It's the operator, not the operating system, causing the issues.

Oh yes, I was forgetting that Dino is the operator in this case. His appetite for porn must make his virus software look like an emmenthal cheese.

[Dino Velvet]

I accept 100% blame.