The problem with the trans community

[BellaBellucci]

... is not independent thinkers. It's those who can't think for themselves at all. They rely upon a kind of 'sisterhood' for their co-dependent validation, and any girl who offends the sanctity of that is to be mercilessly (salvagely?) beaten, usually verbally, sometimes physically for their supposed insolence. And Gods help them if they fight back.

But I have a news flash for the lock-steppers: you have no clout anymore. The sisterhood has failed. Do you know why? Because it's too repressive. Daring to be upset with one causes an attack by the whole and frankly, most girls have too much to worry about on their own to get into a war with every person who offends anyone within the group. Unless of course, you work for Grooby, but that's a whole other story.

The fact that we all wear womens' clothes doesn't make any of us a woman any more than a penis makes any of us a man. Just because some girls face discrimination (usually not because they're 'clocky,' but because they don't pass at all), that doesn't mean that they can walk around with thin skin and a victimization complex. They've made their decision and frankly nobody owes them protection, validation, or even conversation.

This is in no way a slam to those who are proud to be who they are, but it's usually the loudest, most obnoxious, most provocative 'girls' that are psychologically and emotionally the weakest and yet feel the most entitlement, even though they have nothing to offer the supposed sisterhood themselves. Everyone in this community seems to have their hand out, and it's pathetic. Some of us have never asked for a thing and have even made offerings to the community but receive nothing but hate in return when we exercise our independence. That's so wrong on so many levels and extraordinarily counter-productive.

What we need is more critical thought in this community. I may have transsexuality in common with a girl, but that doesn't mean we have anything else in common. It doesn't require me to always take her side of things. It doesn't require me to protect her. It certainly doesn't require to me to be like her. I am myself, for better or worse, and I'll deal with the hate that's flung my way for my assertive (and unlike so many girls, stable) identity. I for one protect whomever I deem worthy and nobody that I don't and certainly not every person who claims they're 'just like me.' They're not. They have merely one thing in common with me and I don't own them a Gods damn thing. They seriously need to seek therapy if they feel otherwise.

And I find it interesting how often people who sanctimoniously follow the herd will ostracize anyone with a shred of independence, but then expect them to use that independence to bolster the strength of the group. It sort of defeats the purpose of objectivity, doesn't it? There's a lot of hypocrisy and there are countless double-standards in this community, and I'm here to say once and for all that you can call me whatever you like, but I'm going to point it out every time I see it.

I've been accused of 'dividing' the community on many occasions, usually by the parties who up until recently, as a group (surprise, surprise!), had the most influence on the message boards, but the truth is, I've never expected anyone to agree with me, let alone everyone, as they do. I don't brow beat people with my opinions unless they do the same first (I'm looking at you Seanchai and Felicia). I've always just encouraged independent thought and self-worth. If that 'divides the community,' then so be it if that's what it's going to take to strengthen the individuals among us and inevitably make us all look better for it as a group. It's time to trim the fat and strengthen our weakest links.

We shouldn't have to walk in lock step. We're not Nazi's. Or Republicans. Or Groobies for that matter. Sure, we should all try to help each other out when we can, but never under duress. We do all have a struggle in common, but that doesn't mean we should never question anything that's done, especially by those who exploit us the most and/or their allies. And we should each always, always strive to be better as people, not as transgendered people, so when girls see 'transgender' as anything but one aspect of their personality, they seriously need to rethink their identity and self-worth.

Nobody needs to do it for me. They need to do it for themselves and the community for which they think they're doing good, and see that the truth is that followers are merely pawns who get sold out all the time but never seem to see it coming for some reason.

I for one will not be a pawn. And neither should anyone else here. OUR little clique here on HA should be about leading by example, not demanding submission.

~BB~

PS: If you think this post is about you, it probably is.

[wendell]

In any group that faces social discrimination and/or oppression there is an understandable and completely acceptable gravitation towards groups which tend to coalesce around certain ideas and personalities. There's no poblem with that per se but you're right that it can lead to close mindedness and an unwillingness to tolerate people who upset what is considered acceptable behaviour.

On the flip side of that Bella it is possible for people just to not like each other and disagree without it being part of a collective effort or groupthink, even when it is a large group of people that take exception to an individual. Some people have personalities that just rub lots of people the wrong way. That's not what i'm saying your problem is Bella only that i'd be careful of identifying a conspiracy out of individual problems. Though of course the former is just a possible as the latter.

[lisaparadise]

... is not independent thinkers. It's those who can't think for themselves at all. They rely upon a kind of 'sisterhood' for their co-dependent validation, and any girl who offends the sanctity of that is to be mercilessly (salvagely?) beaten, usually verbally, sometimes physically for their supposed insolence. And Gods help them if they fight back.

But I have a news flash for the lock-steppers: you have no clout anymore. The sisterhood has failed. Do you know why? Because it's too repressive. Daring to be upset with one causes an attack by the whole and frankly, most girls have too much to worry about on their own to get into a war with every person who offends anyone within the group. Unless of course, you work for Grooby, but that's a whole other story.

The fact that we all wear womens' clothes doesn't make any of us a woman any more than a penis makes any of us a man. Just because some girls face discrimination (usually not because they're 'clocky,' but because they don't pass at all), that doesn't mean that they can walk around with thin skin and a victimization complex. They've made their decision and frankly nobody owes them protection, validation, or even conversation.

This is in no way a slam to those who are proud to be who they are, but it's usually the loudest, most obnoxious, most provocative 'girls' that are psychologically and emotionally the weakest and yet feel the most entitlement, even though they have nothing to offer the supposed sisterhood themselves. Everyone in this community seems to have their hand out, and it's pathetic. Some of us have never asked for a thing and have even made offerings to the community but receive nothing but hate in return when we exercise our independence. That's so wrong on so many levels and extraordinarily counter-productive.

What we need is more critical thought in this community. I may have transsexuality in common with a girl, but that doesn't mean we have anything else in common. It doesn't require me to always take her side of things. It doesn't require me to protect her. It certainly doesn't require to me to be like her. I am myself, for better or worse, and I'll deal with the hate that's flung my way for my assertive (and unlike so many girls, stable) identity. I for one protect whomever I deem worthy and nobody that I don't and certainly not every person who claims they're 'just like me.' They're not. They have merely one thing in common with me and I don't own them a Gods damn thing. They seriously need to seek therapy if they feel otherwise.

And I find it interesting how often people who sanctimoniously follow the herd will ostracize anyone with a shred of independence, but then expect them to use that independence to bolster the strength of the group. It sort of defeats the purpose of objectivity, doesn't it? There's a lot of hypocrisy and there are countless double-standards in this community, and I'm here to say once and for all that you can call me whatever you like, but I'm going to point it out every time I see it.

I've been accused of 'dividing' the community on many occasions, usually by the parties who up until recently, as a group (surprise, surprise!), had the most influence on the message boards, but the truth is, I've never expected anyone to agree with me, let alone everyone as they do. I don't brow beat people with my opinions unless they do the same first (I'm looking at you Seanchai and Felicia). I've always just encouraged independent thought and self-worth. If that 'divides the community,' then so be it if that's what it's going to take to strengthen the individuals among us and inevitably make us all look better for it as a group. It's time to trim the fat and strengthen our weakest links.

We shouldn't have to walk in lock step. We're not Nazi's. Or Republicans. Or Groobies for that matter. Sure, we should all try to help each other out when we can, but never under duress. We do all have a struggle in common, but that doesn't mean we should never question anything that's done, especially by those who exploit us the most and/or their allies. And we should each always, always strive to be better as people, not as transgendered people, so when girls see 'transgender' as anything but one aspect of their personality, they seriously need to rethink their identity and self-worth.

Nobody needs to do it for me. They need to do it for themselves and the community for which they think they're doing good, and see that the truth is that followers are merely pawns who get sold out all the time but never seem to see it coming for some reason.

I for one will not be a pawn. And neither should anyone else here. OUR little clique here on HA should be about leading by example, not demanding submission.

~BB~

PS: If you think this post is about you, it probably is.

time to switch to decalf little woman lol.seriously a sisterhood as i see it is were all trans and thats about all most of us have in comman right?im not a card carrying member although i give alot of advise to those who ask and that is my responsability period.i may not use spell check but im pretty sure my point gets across crystal clear.i am a lone wolfe when it comes to dealing with my sisters i just honestly got burnt out trying to mediate a bunch of spoilled hookers who couldnt hold a real job if there life depended on it.i admire your tanacity and your strong will and that im sure we have in comman but i cant help but think your upset about amys alliance with steven and if thats the case then you need to free yourself of the anger will only give you an ulcer kiddo and if im wrong about whats troubling you then im just gonna blame it on my many years of blonde hair-dye seaping into my brain but whatever reason you posted this thread i will always love an admire you for who you are and what you stand for.

[BellaBellucci]

In any group that faces social discrimination and/or oppression there is an understandable and completely acceptable gravitation towards groups which tend to coalesce around certain ideas and personalities. There's no poblem with that per se but you're right that it can lead to close mindedness and an unwillingness to tolerate people who upset what is considered acceptable behaviour.

On the flip side of that Bella it is possible for people just to not like each other and disagree without it being part of a collective effort or groupthink, even when it is a large group of people that take exception to an individual. Some people have personalities that just rub lots of people the wrong way. That's not what i'm saying your problem is Bella only that i'd be careful of identifying a conspiracy out of individual problems. Though of course the former is just a possible as the latter.

I never said a word about a conspiracy. That's Seanchai's word. I'm referring to the 'completely acceptable gravitation towards groups.' My point is that some of us don't find it to be all that acceptable, and still more of us even find it entirely counterproductive.

~BB~

[LibertyHarkness]

the only person that concerns me is myself ...i am not part of some TS womans movement etc ....
i have no care, desire nor interest for anything like that ...people just need to get on with their lives and take control of their own actions/fates ..

There is no clique on this site its merely just a porn/escort board ...faceless conversations etc are ultimately all meaningless its just poltie banter ..this board has girls come and go just like it has guys come and go. myself i see this place as a marketing tool and a means to interact with fans/people in a non serious manner.

[dderek123]

F'in great OP. Well done Bella. I'm totally oblivious to the drama that you speak of but the issues you have brought up I have noticed for a long time. It's not only the TS community it happens in most discussion groups. Be yourself Bella, pursue your happiness and people will appreciate your for it.

[BellaBellucci]

i cant help but think your upset about amys alliance with steven

It's an example but it's not the only one by a longshot!

Besides, group think lends validity to stereotyping. 'All trannies' this; 'all trannies' that. It comes to a point where speaking in generalizations is not only acceptable, but accurate. You didn't see MLK or Malcom X telling Blacks to be carbon copies of each other, did you? Or Gloria Steinem with women? Or Harvey Milk with gays?

~BB~

[wendell]

I don't think it's wrong to form groups Bella as long as those groups don't lose sight of the issues of toelrance that made then neccesary or perhaps desirable in the first place. There are vocal parts of the trans community that I agree are completely counterproductive and seem to have formed groups soley to victimise other people as a means to deal with their own issues but I don't think group making is inherentley likely to lead to that and has it's uses.

[BellaBellucci]

I don't think it's wrong to form groups Bella as long as those groups don't lose sight of the issues of toelrance that made then neccesary or perhaps desirable in the first place. There are vocal parts of the trans community that I agree are completely counterproductive and seem to have formed groups soley to victimise other people as a means to deal with their own issues but I don't think group making is inherentley likely to lead to that and has it's uses.

First of all, groups of transwomen can be the most intolerant, racist, sexist, homophobic bullies who care about nothing more than protecting only themselves even as they sell out their 'sisters,' and far too many are. Example: girls who let Maury make a mockery of transwomen for a few hundred dollars.

Secondly, are you a Republican?

~BB~

[wendell]

I'm English Bella so our political parties and what they stand for are quite different to America. I've vote Conservative in the two elections since I got the vote. Why do you ask?