You Might Be A Republican If.......

[BeardedOne]

For economic reasons President Bush will combine the Border Patrol with the Park Service & institute a Catch and Release program for illegal immigrants.

Dunno...I kinda like that one.

[yourdaddy]

You might be a liberal if you are a paranoid scizophrenic.

[BeardedOne]

You might be a liberal if you are a paranoid scizophrenic.

Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get me.

And I'm =NOT= schizophrenic!

And neither am I! :P

[chefmike]

Man, And these 2006 predictions are really scary.....but more accurate:


Nancy Pelosi will elope with Osama Bin Laden. They'll divorce months later when she discovers that he is too "Pro America" for her.

Noam Chomsky will write a new book. It will have 200 pages of the same 3 sentences: Bush Lied. Screw America. America is Evil. It will become a instant classic. Making Mr Choamsky an even richer "progressive" and able to live in an even more expensive & exclusive neighborhood.

Nancy Pelosi will marry Noam but divorce him a short while later after discovering that he is too "Pro America."

Cindy Sheehan will draw 10,000 people to a protest when she declares: "If Bush doesn't withdraw our troops – I'll set myself on fire." Unfortunately, at the next speech 9900 of the visitors will bring gasoline and matches.

Hollywood will launch a new film called Christalot. It will feature three artists pissing on crosses & Whoopi & Robin Williams will play Mary Magdalene & Jesus for ninety minutes of an X-rated laff fest. It will be nominated for six Golden Globes. No pork rinds will be served at the premiere party for fear of offending Jews or Muslims.

After undergoing a lot of soulsearching, UN Secretary Kofi Annan will announce that he will forego his salary from the United Nations and live exclusively on his & his son's bribes.

The New York Times will merge operations with Al Jazeera. Six months later – problems will emerge when the Times feels Al Jazeera to be too "Pro America." The day after they separate the world comes to an end & the front page headline of the NYT reads:
"ALL LIFE ENDING: Minorities & poor hardest hit."

Al Sharpton will discover Jesus Christ and become a Baptist minister.

Hollywood will attempt to appease conservatives with Brokeback Mountain II. The sequel features two sheepherders who fall in love - with the sheep. FEMALE SHEEP!

New Orleans will flood yet again. This time, FEMA officials will arrive in time & set up water slides.

Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco will write a new book called – Governors Who Cry Too Much, & The Democratic Voters Who Love Them.

For economic reasons President Bush will combine the Border Patrol with the Park Service & institute a Catch and Release program for illegal immigrants.

Sesame Street will introduce its first fully rehabilitated character called the Tookie Monster. Two weeks later, Grover and Big Bird will be discovered dead. Police will later find the Tookie Monster passed out next to Mr. Crack.

Nancy Pelosi asks for conjugal visits with the Tookie Monster.
**
And any of these are about as liable to happen as that other piece of speculation posted earlier.

rush is back on that dang oxycontin agin...you go, rush...

[Jamie Michelle]

You might be a liberal if you are a paranoid scizophrenic.

There is only up or down: up to liberty or down to slavery. In the original sense of the political terms "left" and "right," left meant liberty and right meant government control.

The terms "left" and "right" in the political sense go back to 1789 France. When the French Estates-General met on May 6, 1789, the Third Estate commoners, who wanted less taxes and government control (i.e., "laissez-faire"), were seated on the left side of King Louis XVI, and the Second Estate nobles and First Estate clergy, who were the conservatives and wanted to maintain the government's power, sat on his right. (Prior to the May 1789 convention of the French Estates-General [the first meeting of which was on May 5, 1789], the last time the Estates-General had met was in 1614.)

Also, "liberal" originally meant what we would call today (at least in the U.S. and Canada) "libertarian," i.e., laissez-faire free market, less taxes, less regulation, and gun ownership by the common people. Thus, in the original sense of the words, someone who wanted no taxes, legalization of all drugs, a free market, and armament of the common people would be a left-wing liberal.

[El_hefe]

OMG So I AM a liberal after all !!!! I subscribe to that entire "Liberal Agenda" (SSShh....don't tell the Chef...)

[Felicia Katt]

Schizophrenia one of the most damaging of all mental disorders---causes its victims to lose touch with reality. They often begin to hear, see, or feel things that aren't really there (hallucinations) or become convinced of things that simply aren't true (delusions). In the paranoid form of this disorder, they develop delusions of persecution or personal grandeur

Seeing connections between 9-11 and Iraq when none exist. Believing in weapons of mass destruction that aren't there. Thinking we will not suffer any casualties and will be greeted as liberators. Saying Mission Accomplished when nothing could be farther from the truth. Maintaining an insurgency is in its final throes as the body count mounts.

oh, and taking political discussions as if they were against you and responding with hateful personal attacks as if you were everyone's better?

FK

[BlackAdder]

New book out on how the CIA sent 30 operatives into Iran and Iraq looking for WMDs and any kind of nuclear program....And all 30 found nothing...yet in 2002....They come to a decision that Iraq has WMDs........

The CIA needs to go...there is no more Cold War.

The Russo-China Coalition is so going pwn us if America keeps heading in this direction...

I read a financial analyis the other day were a high up personage in the energy business said that the price of light sweet crude will NEVER again fall below 50$ a barrel because of China's insatiable demand for industrialization.......Add the fact that there making all kinds of economic and industrial deals with former soviet bloc countries, namelt Kazakstan, and America is going to be taking a back seat very soon in the very near future.

[chefmike]

This is encouraging, even to an agnostic like myself... Christian denominations that do not subscribe to karl rove's aka shrubya's brain attempt's to ruin our country.


Dec 15 2005

Budget Ignores Christian Teachings on Economic Justice
This statement, presented below in its entirety, was first released jointly in March 2005 by five leading Christian denominations in the United States: The Episcopal church USA, Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, Presbyterian Church (USA), United Church of Christ, and United Methodist Church.
Per the Washington Post on December 14, 2005, these five leading Christian denominations sent a letter to President George W. Bush in early December, reiterating their statements in this joint document.

Ecumenical statement on Bush's 2006 federal budget

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

The Episcopal Church, USA
Evangelical Lutheran Church in America
Presbyterian Church USA
United Church Of Christ
United Methodist Church

Joint Statement

We are preachers, and so, in explaining our opposition to the 2006 Federal Budget that President Bush has sent to Congress, it seems only fitting that we should begin with Scripture.

There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and who feasted sumptuously every day. And at his gate lay a poor man named Lazarus, covered with sores, who longed to satisfy his hunger with what fell from the rich man's table; even the dogs would come and lick his sores. The poor man died and was carried away by the angels to be with Abraham. The rich man also died and was buried. In Hades, where he was being tormented, he looked up and saw Abraham far away with Lazarus by his side. He called out, "Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue; for I am in agony in these flames."

The passage comes from 16th chapter of the Gospel according to Luke, and it contains a warning that should deeply trouble those of us who live in a wealthy nation. As the story continues, the rich man implores Abraham to raise Lazarus from the dead and send him to the house of his brothers so that they may be spared his torment.

"They have Moses and the prophets," Abraham replies. "They should listen to them." The rich man says, "No, father Abraham; but if someone goes to them from the dead, they will repent." And Abraham answers, "If they do not listen to Moses and the prophets, neither will they be convinced even if someone rises from the dead."

In telling this story, Jesus makes clear that perpetrating economic injustice is among the gravest of sins. Yet self-interest is so deeply ingrained in each one of us, he says, that we will not renounce it, even should someone rise from the dead. Jesus was right about that. It was he who rose from the dead to save us from greed and myriad other sins. Yet those who have much continue feasting, even as those who have little remain at their gates.

Like many Americans, we read our daily newspaper through the lens of faith, and when we see injustice, it is our duty to say so. The 2006 Federal Budget that President Bush has sent to Capitol Hill is unjust. It has much for the rich man and little for Lazarus.

According to the White House's own numbers, this budget would move 300,000 people off food stamps in the next five years. It would cut the funds that allow 300,000 children to receive day care. It would reduce funding for Medicaid by $45 billion over the next ten years, and this at a time when 45 million Americans-the highest level on record-are already without health insurance.

These cuts would be alarming in any circumstances, but in the context of the 2006 budget, they are especially troubling. For even as it reduces aid to those in poverty, this budget showers presents on the rich.

-- If passed in its current form, it would make permanent tax cuts that have bestowed nearly three-quarters of the "relief" on one-fifth of the county.

-- If passed in its current form, it would include whopping new cuts that would benefit, almost exclusively, those with household incomes of more than $200,000 per year.

-- If passed in its current form, it would take Jesus' teaching on economic justice and stands it on its head.


Dec 15 2005

Budget Ignores Christian Teachings on Economic Justice
Some contend that these cuts will stimulate the economy and improve life for all Americans, but we believe that stocking the rich man's larder is a peculiar strategy for getting Lazarus more food. Not only does this policy rest on dubious economic assumptions, but it asks the poor to pay the cost for a prosperity in which they may never share.
Some contend that works of mercy are not the business of the government but of private citizens. But in what other area of our national life do we formulate policies uninformed by our deepest values?

Some contend that with the proper support faith-based charities will step forward to fill the gap created by the government's retreat. But this flies in the face of the lessons that we, as religious leaders, have learned first hand. Our churches operate thousands of charities from the parochial to the international.



We know that programs, whether governmental or non-profit, can change people's lives for the better. New situations challenge us to respond to new conditions and to support those who are in transition out of poverty. Sadly, the 2006 budget will send more people searching for food in cupboards that, quite frequently, are bare.

Our churches will continue their ameliorative ministries. But it is not enough for us as a Church or a society to be merciful. We must remember the admonition of the prophet Micah. "And what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God?" Micah's choice of verbs is instructive. We are not to love justice or preach justice, we are to do justice-to act, and, when necessary, to struggle.

We urge the members of our churches, of other churches and other faiths, and all whose conscience compels them to do justice to join us in opposing this budget. Write to your representatives. Write to your local newspaper. Join the organizations working to obtain justice for the 36 million Americans living below the poverty line, the 45 million without health insurance and the unknown millions struggling to keep their families from slipping into these ever increasing ranks.

Together, let us pledge ourselves to creating a nation in which economic policies are infused with the spirit of the man who began his public ministry almost 2,000 years ago by proclaiming that God had anointed him "to bring good news to the poor."

[BeardedOne]

This just in:

Cheney Accidentally Shoots Fellow Hunter
AP
WASHINGTON (Feb. 12) - Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and injured a man during a weekend quail hunting trip in Texas, his spokeswoman said Sunday.


Harry Whittington, 78, was "alert and doing fine" after Cheney sprayed Whittington with shotgun pellets on Saturday at the Armstrong Ranch in south Texas, said property owner Katharine Armstrong.


Armstrong said Cheney turned to shoot a bird and accidentally hit Whittington. She said Whittington was taken to Corpus Christi Memorial Hospital by ambulance.


Cheney's spokeswoman, Lea Anne McBride, said the vice president was with Whittington, a lawyer from Austin, Texas, and his wife at the hospital on Sunday afternoon.





Copyright 2006 The Associated Press.