Explain this to me?

[almoststraight]

Hi everyone, I need some help understanding what I need to do here. Im just missing something cultural I think.

I'm a "almost straight" guy who is turned on by, but never had an experience with a tgirl.

I've contacted a few via dating sites and the like in my area (which is sort of backward, so there aren't many...). The responses have basically all gone like this:

I make contact, and say hi
They say, Hey, you're hot!
I say, great, let's go out and if there's chemistry we'll see where it goes...
They say, ok well, what do you want to do?
I say, I'm inexperienced with this, I want to explore, I'm open to anything
They say nothing. They go silent.

Once is whatever, people go silent on the internet, but this has happened about 3 times now, not counting the people who ask for money. If I want a pro, I'll go to a pro, if I'm on a dating site, I want a date.

Anyway, I'm thinking I'm saying something wrong. I feel self conscious because I'm so new at this, and I don't know if this is a problem because I'm new or because I'm "flexible" instead of a super macho, top guy?

I was guessing that someone would find it titillating to take my t-virginity. Maybe I just haven't found the right girl yet? I don't know, enlighten me.

[BellaBellucci]

Love the username.

~BB~

[Coroner]

Get a fuck first and think about dating a little bit later.

[GroobySteven]

"I say, I'm inexperienced with this, I want to explore, I'm open to anything"
Wrong answer.

"Do you want to go grab a coffee or a juice and see how we get on?"
Right answer.

[youshouldtrythislol]

maybe try not looking at it as something different? it shouldnt be any different than dating a "regular" woman. you are, afterall, hopefully dating them for their personality, not what is between their legs anyways.

[BellaBellucci]

maybe try not looking at it as something different? it shouldnt be any different than dating a "regular" woman. you are, afterall, hopefully dating them for their personality, not what is between their legs anyways.

Oh, cool. A fellow idealist.

~BB~

[youshouldtrythislol]

Oh, cool. A fellow idealist.

~BB~

not an idealist. i am sure i am one of a handfull that feel that way. most people have no respect for others. doesnt worry me, i only worry about myself in that regard, as i can not change the attitudes of others.

so ive gotta ask, as a woman, i am going to assume you do not want people to date you for what is between your legs, but for you as a person?

[BellaBellucci]

not an idealist. i am sure i am one of a handfull that feel that way. most people have no respect for others. doesnt worry me, i only worry about myself in that regard, as i can not change the attitudes of others.

so ive gotta ask, as a woman, i am going to assume you do not want people to date you for what is between your legs, but for you as a person?

Want? Oh no, honey. I demand. I don't date chasers... unless they have money of course.

~BB~

[almoststraight]

I get what you're saying, I really do. And it's my fault for not quite explaining myself correctly.

Yes, you're absolutely right that I should date people for who they are and not just for their physical characteristics. But these are girls I made contact with on sites that are meant for that though. Think AdultFriendFinder and the like--girls who put themselves out there as available to hang out with and have casual sex with men.

I'm not a caveman approaching people who are looking for romance who happen to identify as TS on a regular dating site and saying "Hey baby, I want your cock." I feel like I'm being respectful and appropriate for the context.

What I'm describing happens after we get past the "let's go out for drinks or to lunch and see if we like each other." After that, they have consistently wanted to know what I wanted in the bedroom before we meet. It's at that point when they stop writing back. And I'm not saying any anything scary, I promise!


I have an impression from reading most profiles of m2f TS people that most of them want to be women, period (which is understandable... they are TS after all!). But they almost want to not acknowledge they have any equipment at all, and to be completely bottom. I'm thinking that could be part of the issue--I'm scaring those girls off who don't want any part of getting attention for their extra bits. They want me to say I want to dominate them and treat them 100% like a lady, and when I don't, they just don't write back.


Maybe you're right though Coroner, I'm sure a pro would be much more accommodating for a casual thing.

Let me ask this, since there seem to be plenty of ts girls here: is it unrealistic of me to want to find an attractive tgirl who isn't a pro, who is also not a strict bottom? Is that just a stupid porn fantasy that naive newbies have?

@Bella: Why, thank you

Edit: One thing I do want to clarify, is that I'm not actually opposed to having a meaningful relationship with a TS girl. It's just very rare for me to meet ANY girl I'm interested in to seriously date--they have to have a special kind of spark and intelligence that goes way beyond being physically attractive. I guess I'm just skeptical that there is anyone out there (who I will meet and connect with) who is both that kind of magical, and transgendered. The odds seem slim. So for now, it's just a sexual thing, and I only approach girls who put themselves out there for a sexual thing. I'm not trying to objectify anyone.

[youshouldtrythislol]

Want? Oh no, honey. I demand. I don't date chasers... unless they have money of course.

~BB~

oh. good answer. lol.