Ladies - Are you Lonely???

[Danielle Foxx]

Hello Ladies,

You know those days when even if you have someone in your life you feel alone? Do you feel like there's no man/woman out there who has all of the great things you need in life? Security, stability, love, commitment, respect, understanding?

I can imagine a few reasons why after 33 years of life I still have not been able to find my soul mate, that's even if he is out there.

Sometimes my days are consumed with the need to feel cared for, loved, held... At times I try and replace that need by sleeping with random men, or making the excuse and placing my escorting add up. I feel that I must get that human interaction one way or another.

I am not the kind of woman who can just settle for some user, scum, abusive man just because I feel empty inside at times, however I think that my sex addiction reflects that emptiness I have in my heart.

My past is filled with dark pages that seem to be bookmarked, preventing me to simply move on to the next chapter. It is a horrible feeling to try and lead a functional productive life pushing these issues aside, having to deal with people. Aside from daily responsibilities this seems as another task for most part, only adding to the weight in my mind.

It is also extremely hard to live up to people's expectations of what we all should be. Happy, productive, strong... and yet we are the only ones who truly know how difficult it really is to just get out of bed and confront the world with our chins up, knowing that in one slip we could be facing oppression. If we only let our guards down for just one bit someone can simply come in and take our last bit of dignity.

I often get asked why I am still single. I don't say this to sound cocky, but as a fact.

My answer to that is very complicated but my inability to trust in combination with the unfortunate flaws of my existence are a lethal combination for most "normal" people to deal with.

I recently met a guy. A plumber, he was working on the building next door. I am not a superficial girl. I even dated a guy with no job once... Talk about standards...

He is so handsome, yet normal. Not what you would expect a typical handsome man to look like, but someone "normal" looking. We flirted for 2 weeks and eventually we kissed and did some oral play. I didn't tell him I was born a male, but forgot about the fact that I am a public figure. He did some internet research and called me.

He proceeds to tell me what a horrible person I am. Asking me if I had HIV and if he had any reason to worry about his life. He called me a conniving, deceitful human being who robbed him of his choice, of his man hood. He said that if he would have known he would have never been with me because he is not gay. He said i was a horrible person, that I should have told him I was a man.

Truth is, I don't feel like a man, I know I am not a genetic female but it is difficult to have this need of wanting to be seen as how you feel on the inside. I just wanted that need fulfilled for once. I wanted to feel like the girl I am, the girl I wish I was born.

It is a fact that people change once they know your " T ". They tell you it doesn't matter, however the change in their treatment of you seems as if you have a physical deformity or some form of retardation, which is how I feel at times. Like someone who is psychologically flawed as opposed to a functioning human being. People's view of transsexuals is not of the trans lawyer who fights for TG rights. Or the likes of Dr. Marcy Bowers, or my ex therapist who used to be a porn actress herself, or many other exemplary TG people. They see us as sub-human.

I sometimes lay my head on my pillow at night and wonder if life would have been easier if I was born a genetic female. Would I have all the psychological issues I have now? Where would I be? Married? With a house and a family? Taking care of my husband and kids? Would my parents be happier? Could I just then live a normal life?

Yeah, it is lonely ladies. But I know that I am not the only one who feels this way...

Please share your thoughts...

[tsmandy]

Danielle, the plumber sounds like an asshole.

Sorry you are feeling down right now. I don't get lonely very much as I'm constantly surrounded by friends and lovers, being queer means having a family. But even when I'm surrounded by friends and lovers, I feel feelings of distance and isolation, which I attribute to my past experiences both as a TS and as a hooker. I can be in a room full of people who love me, and still feel completely alone in this world. When I feel that way I just go with it, let the feelings happen, smoke a spliff, drink a beer, go outside, whatever it takes to ride out feelings of depression.

[Danielle Foxx]

Danielle, the plumber sounds like an asshole.

Sorry you are feeling down right now. I don't get lonely very much as I'm constantly surrounded by friends and lovers, being queer means having a family. But even when I'm surrounded by friends and lovers, I feel feelings of distance and isolation, which I attribute to my past experiences both as a TS and as a hooker. I can be in a room full of people who love me, and still feel completely alone in this world. When I feel that way I just go with it, let the feelings happen, smoke a spliff, drink a beer, go outside, whatever it takes to ride out feelings of depression.

So is the definition of "Queer" anyone who does not conform to the norm? What does being Queer mean to you Mandy?

[rockabilly]

I'm not a lady but i'm lonely too. I wanted to answer in part because it is because of you Danielle that i learned that tgirls are whom i have always been attracted to. Taking care of my grandmother and work dont give me time to date or even go out ... not that i'd find who i want around here. I have found a girl here that i talk to alot and have fallen in love with. Being lonely is normal and i imagine is much harder for you but if you get into a relationship do so for the right reasons.Thank you Danielle

[drock]

I'm thinking the guy probably already knew who you were boo and just wanted to unload on you because of a guilty conscious he had.. why or who the hell else go looking for women they've fucked online to see who they are like they're going to actually find them unless they know what kind of work they did?

[rockabilly]

Drock has a point there.

[tsmandy]

So is the definition of "Queer" anyone who does not conform to the norm? What does being Queer mean to you Mandy?

Its a good question. Queer to me involves a rejection of gender roles and stereotypes as well as an interest in fucking people of the same sex. It's kind of hard to explain, but it exists. You've met alot of my queer friends in SF, or at least you've done there makeup. Trying to imagine a world that doesn't have such stark lines around gender roles and sexuality.

[rockabilly]

Before Tgirls i was confused beyond words. I like GGs but i never really got aroused and i have no attraction to men at all. I thought i would always be alone and never find happiness , then one day i saw Danielles pics ... then i saw nude pics and the rest is history. Now i'm happy and pursuing love. Danielle i am sure that you have a soulmate out there and that they feel the same as you.

[alwaysforyou]

I think at times everyone regardless of relationaship or not everyone does feel lonely. I am in a relationship now and I love this woman. I really do she is a great person she makes me feel good and i can honestly say that this is the first woman who has ever put up with my shit. I feel that we both balance eachother out but there are times when i feel alone. She gets moody and irritable. I feel like I can never get whats going on inside her head. It could be my own insecurities but i feel that each time she gets into her mood she pushes me further and further away from her. I would one day love to make this woman my wife and raise a family with her. But Danielle you need to understand that it would be hard for the average joe to see what a great person you are. I met you briefly at one of allanah's parties and u seemed like a great person. I am a big believer that everything comes with time. There will be a guy that respects you for who your are and the struggles in your life that made you the person you are today. I feel very similar to you and i understand where you are coming from. Stay strong

[jessicamoore]

HI DANEILLE I FEEL UR CONCERN ABOUT BEING SINGLE IM THE SAME WAY ALSO ALONE BUT NOT LONELY ITS A DIFFERENCE, AND I SOMEWHAT JUST CAME TO THE FACT THAT MOST GUYS JUST LOOK AT US MEANING TS JUST AS A SEX OBJECTS, TO FILLFULL THEY DESIRES AND THATS ALL.

ALSO TO UR NOT TELLING HIM THAT IS VERY DANGEROUS, A TRANSEXUAL SHOULD ALWAYS TELL A GUY IF UR ABOUT TO HAVE ANY TYPE OF SEXUAL ACTIVITY THANK GOD HE WASNT SOME ASSHOLE THAT DISLIKE GUYS TO THE PIONT HE WILL KILL IN ORDER TO PROVE HOW MUCH HE HATE GAYS, SO I PLEAD TO U AND ALL TS STOP TRYING TO EASE UR MIND THAT UR WOMEN AND U DONT HAVE TO TELL A GUY ITS DANGEROUS.