Funniest one liners..................

[Alyssa87]

i love this thread. keep em coming.

[LTR_Seeker]

We got no food we got no jobs.....OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLING OFF... Jim Carrey Dumb N Dumber

[dannyboyz]

Where the white woman at!

he is a lazy fuck he sits down to piss!

[bte]

Funny Man: I play a bitch like Nintendo (Zelda!)

[rockit]

Some Daffynitions:

AAA-AA: A club for people who are being driven to drink.

Abundance: Big party held in a bakery

Acquaintance:A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

Acute Alcoholic: An attractive drunk.

Adamant: The very first insect.

Adult Film: A film viewed by people over 30 with a cast of 25-year-olds doing what 18-year-olds do, with a plot for a 6-year-old.

After-Dinner Speaker: A person who only has a few words to say, but seldom stops when he has said them

Aftermath: The period following algebra

Agent: Someone who believes an actor takes 85 percent of his money.

Agreeable Person: One who agrees with me.

Air Traffic Control: A game played by airline pilots and air traffic controllers. The game has no rules, and neither side knows how it is played, but the goal is to prevent flights from arriving in time for passengers to make connecting flights.

Alabaster: A very nasty thing to say about Al.

All-Nighter: Not getting up to pee.

American Language: English run over by a musical comedy.

American Idealism: Being willing to make any sacrifice that won’t hurt business.

Amnesia: The condition that enables a woman who has gone through labour to have sex again.

Anarachnophobia: The fear of spiders wearing waterproof coats.

Arachnohomophobia: Fear of gay spiders.

Ant: A small insect that, though always at work, still finds time to go to picnics.

Artificial Intelligence: The goal of building a computer to think and learn like a human being. Problem is, human beings are really stupid.

Avalanche: A mountain getting its rocks off

Babble: A feminine noise, somewhat resembling the sound of a brook, but with less meaning.

Babysitter: A teenager you hire to watch your TV

Bachelor: A fellow who usually wants one single thing in life – himself

Bagel: An unsweetened doughnut with rigor mortis.

Banker: A pawn broker with a manicure

Beer Compass: The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from.

Birth Control in Prague: Cancelled Czechs.

British Museum: The most magnificent collection of stolen antiquities in the world.

Broadcast: Seeing how far you can toss a woman.

[iloveshemales77]

One more Daffynition:
Insolent: A person who has fallen off the Isle of Wight ferry

[iloveshemales77]

Kim Basingers character to Garth: "Garth, can I be frank?"
Garth: Yeah OK, can I still be Garth?

[santiago316]

Chong: Can you tell me what room Dwayne Mendoza's in?
Dwayne: CHEECH! Hey you old piece of horseshit, how are you doin'?! Goddamn it's good to see ya! Aw shit I ain't seen ya in so long. How ya Doin'?
Goddamn you got UGLY!

[ILuvGurls]

these are more quotes but they are pretty funny nevertheless......


I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx


My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe..
- Jimmy Durante


Don't worry about avoiding temptation.As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill


Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark Twain


"Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege." (Unknown)

[Willie Escalade]

All I have in this world is my balls and my word, and I don't break 'em fo no one, understand?