What if your married/attached but into ts?

[brickcitybrother]

Cheating is being in a committed relationship and being with someone else at the same time. It doesn't matter who with. What's so hard to understand?

Hard to argue with simple logic.

[DL_NL]

True. It's cheating, whomever you do it with.

[MrF]

Everyone seems to take it as obvious that cheating is "morally and ethically wrong". But why ? And don't just quote the Bible or other religious text.

I think a lot of our religious-based rules evolve naturally within our culture and are favored because they are connected with our survivability, yet are simple enough for anyone to understand. For example, 1000 years ago we could not combat diseases very well, nor did we really understand them, so a simple rule like "God said, thou shalt not fornicate" was useful, even if the God-fearing public didn't understand why. One doesn't need to know why.

Prostitution is probably better morally than taking a lover -- at least then your loyalties are not divided, since you won't fall in love with a prostitute. As for lying, we do that all the time in relationships. Sometimes it's for the best.

As I see it, there are two moral issues with prostitution: 1) It costs money and this can rob resources from the family. The problem here is similar to gambling. And 2) Bringing a risk of disease to your spouse. There are ways to ameleorate these risks, but I've written enough on this topic for now.

[SarahG]

Everyone seems to take it as obvious that cheating is "morally and ethically wrong". But why ?

If you're in a LTR with someone you (claim) to love and care about, and then promised that person that it's a closed relationship for the long haul (aka wedding vows), then cheating is wrong because its breaking a promise that you made to someone you care about.

It doesn't get much simpler than that. If being in a closed relationship "to death" is such a big deal, such a problem- then don't lie & make that promise to the girl in the first place.

[jaycanuck]

Everyone seems to take it as obvious that cheating is "morally and ethically wrong". But why ?

Hate to sound cliché, but my Dad always told me ( after being crossed that I lied as a kid to him ) that the most important thing is telling the truth....or trust. I never knew why that meant so much to him back then until I found out that it was adultery that ended my parents marriage...and let's just say that it was 2 people close to him that stabbed him in the back.

To this day I live by what he taught me. It has nothing to do with religion because I know first hand that lack of trust is the worst thing in any relationship.

[MrF]

I can see that promising to be faithful is contained in most wedding vows, and that it is usually bad to break a promise or lie, but what is being faithful ? And is it ALWAYS bad to break a promise or lie ?

I can cite some examples where breaking a promise or lying can be beneficial, but I won't do it now since it would require a long explanation of the extenuating circumstances. Just to point out that sometimes it can help a relationship rather than destroy it. It isn't something I can recommend as a general practice, though.

[bob69]

TS/GG/or man sex is sex and it is cheating unless you have an open arrangement with your significant other. You can rationalize it in as many ways as you want..it is still cheating.

The reason marriage has a clear "no cheating" aspect in is it is that you DO expect that from your wife don't you? what would make it ok for you to break it and her no to? You can honestly tell me that you are ok with HER sleeping with other guys? no? Then its also not ok for you to sleep with others. Simpel enough?

There are plenty of people who do cheat, still doesn't make it ok..unless your wife is ok with the idea of you having sex with others. I really fail to see how this is complicated.

[TsVanessa69]

Then you are a trick, and you should pay the girl. Plain and simple

[SarahG]

I can see that promising to be faithful is contained in most wedding vows, and that it is usually bad to break a promise or lie, but what is being faithful ? And is it ALWAYS bad to break a promise or lie ?

I can cite some examples where breaking a promise or lying can be beneficial, but I won't do it now since it would require a long explanation of the extenuating circumstances. Just to point out that sometimes it can help a relationship rather than destroy it. It isn't something I can recommend as a general practice, though.

Then the entire relationship is built off of a farce.

This isn't a "well, I don't want to offend her when she asks me if those capris make her look fat" issue.

Just be honest from day one and don't LIE to a girl you claim to love & care about, just to get her to marry you. Going and saying "sure, we'll be a closed relationship to death" when you know isn't true on your part, is just an exploitation of her feelings.

Not only that, but it will directly harm her if it means subjecting her to an expensive divorce that could have been avoided if you had been honest & up front about your need to be in an open relationship in the first place.

[MrF]

Thanks for the replies. Yes, it's clear that cheating is a deal-breaker in most relationships in the US culture.