All right, the premise of this thread is simple enough: just give a list of things that define true men, in the parameters of "True men (insert your concept here)! Generally speaking, the more stereotypically male, the funnier this will turn out.

As it's been stated so far (with extra material from the top of my head):

True men grunt and pay bills!
True men shit in the woods!
True men get the toast out with a fork when it's stuck!
True men skin their knuckles whilst working on their trucks!
True men think of Canada as a cheap place to get drunk on weekends!
True men kick a bitch out the car when she gives them lip!
True men's brains are ruled by the triumvirate of pussy, steak, and beer!
True men don't flex unless they have to!
True men will headbutt you without further consideration!
True men cannot be assuaged by scented toilet paper!
True men only pick at the scabs that bleed profusely!



Okay, now it's your turn; I defer to the board.