Condoms and Pizza

[transmaven]

For all the people who say that sex with a condom is "no different," I want to tell you about how I eat pizza.

NYC has a bunch of great pizza places. So I'll head downtown to grab a slice from time to time, and I always take a big plastic bag and my stapler along with me.

"2 plain slices to go, buddy." "Sure, pal, here ya go, enjoy -- HEY, WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Sometimes the pizza guy looks at me strange and gets upset b/c of how I eat my pizza. Here's what I do: I whip out my plastic bag and shove it all the way down my throat. Then I staple it to my lips.

See, that way, I get all that great *pizza mastication experience* w/o any of the taste! Try it, it works!

[davidperchance]

Funniest.thing.I've.ever.read.

Thanks for that.

Holy shit I can't stop laughing.

Seriously.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

It's funny because it's TRUE.

[zukkobaby]

On the plus side you don't have to be as concerned in case you just fucked a slice of pizza that had AIDS and didn't tell you about it. Do you really dislike condoms so much that picking up an STD doesn't matter to you?

[transmaven]

To the poster who wonders if I hate condoms so much that I would be willing to risk disease. No. But neither would I be willing to miss the exquisite sensations of sex. I hate condoms with a passion. So what's the solution?

Like most solutions to *terrible* problems it's more than a little inconvienent. But here it is: before I'll have sex with someone new, I'll set a date for us to go to one of NYC's hyper-efficient, extremely reliable testing centers. And I pay for all of it. Test for *everything.*

How romantic. And there's still a *minimal* risk involved. But with the better, more expensive testing, the risk (esp. of HIV) is vanishingly small.

The sex is worth it.

[Alyssa87]

the *minimal* risk- meaning...
the chance that she or he could have contracted the virus in the last three months, thus being untraceable by the test?

a true trans maven knows that most of these bitches fuck a lil too much in 3months to hope for the best on that one.

[zukkobaby]

amen Alyssa... now transmaven go fuck your pizza

[houstonshemalefan]

I don't think you can die from a slice of pizza (okay maybe if you choked)...

[Richctdude]

its way different