Why I'm Voting Republican This Year

[Oli]

I'm voting Republican because if condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

I'm voting Republican because providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

I'm voting Republican because global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

I'm voting Republican because Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

I'm voting Republican because a president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but it's OK when you're an Arizona Senator or the Governor of Alaska; a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

I'm voting Republican because a woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

I'm voting Republican because Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals, Jews, or anyone different from you.

I'm voting Republican because I'm a multi-millionaire and the tax breaks are great. I pay people to put gas in the tanks of my yacht, fleet of cars and leer jet. I don't know what you think is wrong with the economy. It works for me and my billionaire friends. Stop your whining and make more than 5 million a year and you can see the tax breaks, and get your own golden parachute.

I'm voting Republican because once you are a hero you have that title for life regardless of what a manipulative liar and desperate politician you become later in life.

I'm voting Republican because the best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

I'm voting Republican because group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican, or marry a divorced Arizona senator.

I'm voting Republican because a good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

I'm voting Republican because HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart, and if you can't afford $12000/year in healthcare insurance you don't deserve decent healthcare.

I'm voting Republican because being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're an untra conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

I'm voting Republican because Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness. Who needs insurance when you can go to an Emergency Room? Just wait until you get the hospital bill and they put a lien on your house when you can't pay it.

I'm voting Republican because "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India, or countries that just hate Americans but lover the almight dollar.

I'm voting Republican because Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages, not paying women equal pay for equal work, a minimum wage that believe $13000/year is enough for anyone to live on, and censoring the Internet.

I'm voting Republican because the public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving/military/police records, McCain's houses, and Palin's income tax history is none of your business.

I'm voting Republican because what Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

I'm voting Republican because trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with Communist China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony. Don't forget the Saudi's too - they're our best friends.

I'm voting Republican because being pro-life means you care about fetuses but when they turn 18 you send them off to die in senseless and avoidable wars, and kill prisoners who commit capital crimes unless they cannot afford a million dollar dream team of lawyers.

I'm voting Republican because there aren't enough religious extremists in the world. By voting Republican we can get our very own extremist in the White House and start making suicide vest right here in the good ole U-S of A.

I'm voting Republican because I want another retarded redneck in the white house.

I'm voting Republican because when Jamie Lynn Spears gets pregnant, her parents are ignorant opportunist, but when Bristol Palin gets pregnant, her Mom should be Vice President of the United States.

YES... voting REPUBLICAN definitely seems the right choice for me.

[magicone]

Are you being sarcastic? lol

[BeardedOne]

I...I...I'm speechless.

[Tanuki]

well done.

[MrsKellyPierce]

LMAO

[santiago316]

It's still funny reading it a second time around.

[sugdaddie69]

One of the best i've read,period!!!!!!

[johnb]

At the Republican convention, they said Obama has never passed a single piece of legislation. Now, they're blaming him for the economic collapse. I guess Barack has been busy for the last few weeks

[trish]

Great post, Oli. Devastatingly persuasive.

[fitz207]

At the Republican convention, they said Obama has never passed a single piece of legislation. Now, they're blaming him for the economic collapse. I guess Barack has been busy for the last few weeks

Exactly! This about this.

If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you're "exotic, different."

Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, a quintessential American story.
If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.

Name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, you're a maverick.

Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable.

Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you ' re well grounded.

If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate ' s Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.

If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking executive and next in line behind a man in his eighth decade.

If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.

If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and then left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a true Christian. If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.

If, while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state's school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant, you're very responsible.

If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values don't represent America's.

If your husband is nicknamed "First Dude", with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA , your family is extremely admirable.

OK, much clearer now.

Please be smart Vote for Barack! And keep this going!!