Bill Maher: freelevi.org

[chefmike]

New Rule: If we can’t, after all is said and done, make this election go the right way, at least we can save one man. I’m talking about young Master Levi Johnston. He’s the 18-year-old Alaskan hockey enthusiast who knocked up Sarah Palin’s daughter, and the National Enquirer describes him as “a boozing pot-smoker who doesn’t want to get married” – and John McCain thinks he found his soul mate!

We’ve all recently seen how evil henchman of the Republican party captured this poor innocent out of his natural habitat and forced him into a shotgun wedding, all so that their campaign narrative of fake family values could be upheld. When the 17-year-old daughter of the vice presidential candidate running on the Jesus ticket is “out to here,” it’s just better that Levi was introduced as the “fiancé.” Looks a little less white trashy.

But that doesn’t change the fact that right now Levi is America’s number one political prisoner. But Levi, you don’t have to be – this is the 21st century, at least in the blue states. We don’t have sharia law like in Saudi Arabia, or Alabama, and as much as the Bible thumpers would want it, we still don’t have arranged marriages in America. You don’t have to do this – you have options. You can pull a Juno – fuck, you live in Juneau! Or you could do what most people do with an unwanted child: give it to Angelina Jolie.

And if you’re worried about the baby, don’t – let’s get real dude, the way you are at 18, a baby’s better off not being around you – you’ll wind up losing it, or shooting it, or it’ll be on the bottom of your skate or something – just let the Palin womenfolk look after it for a while, one more infant in that Mormon compound they call a house won’t bother anybody – they’ll barely notice another kid at the table, and soon they won’t even remember whose seed it was that produced young “Trink” or “Truck” or “Puck” or whatever fucked up redneck name they give him.

In any event, we here at Real Time have taken the liberty of purchasing the website FreeLevi.org. And I will be happy to give the site over to you if you want to use it to get folks to contribute to some sort of liberty fund so you can get enough money to get out of that frozen meth lab they call a town. And even if the money doesn’t come in, listen to me, it’s not too late: just grab your skull bong, climb out the window, and get on the highway. I can’t actually come get you, or even let you stay at my place because I’m pretty sure you’d smoke all my weed, but just call me from a pay phone, I know of a safe house you can stay ‘til after the election, it’s like the witness protection program for baby-daddies.

And remember, Levi: California knows how to party. Trust me, the girls out here are going to love a big, high-sticking farm boy like you. If you play your cards right, in a couple weeks you could be screwing the lesbian right out of Lindsay Lohan.

http://freelevi.org/Real_Time_with_Bill_Maher.html

[blckhaze]

one of the few rants of his that i did enjoy.

[Minutemouse9]

I just wonder what he was promised (threatened with) to go along with this. What 17 yr old wants to get married?

[PapaGrande]

Damn I would hate to be that kid. When my 17 yr old GF got preggers we snuck off and got her an abortion, without her parents knowing.

The good news is if Obama wins he can probably call the thing off. On the other hand if McCain wins if he plays his cards rights it could lead to a cushy gov'ment job.

[SarahG]

The good news is if Obama wins he can probably call the thing off.

Kinda doubt it, even if McCain looses, expect Palin to run as #1 in the future.

[scroller]

The good news is if Obama wins he can probably call the thing off.

Kinda doubt it, even if McCain looses, expect Palin to run as #1 in the future.

Uh, no. I'll look for that right after the Quayle run.

[SarahG]

The good news is if Obama wins he can probably call the thing off.

Kinda doubt it, even if McCain looses, expect Palin to run as #1 in the future.

Uh, no. I'll look for that right after the Quayle run.

You think her career is going to evaporate after this? I doubt it, she's going to be around for a while, I can tell by how passionate & horny its been making the righties.

Having her kid keep the baby and then stay married is pivotal in showing her commitment to distorted "family values"

[PapaGrande]

The good news is if Obama wins he can probably call the thing off.

Kinda doubt it, even if McCain looses, expect Palin to run as #1 in the future.

I don't think so, her popularity is already fading IMO. The reality of Sarah Palin doesn't match the fantasy image that has been projected. In American presidential politics its not enough to get your base to vote for you and I don't see many people outside of the Republican base being excited about her.

Also this election is very much about the circumstances, she is (maybe) the right person for right now, but the next election cycle there may not be as much demand for a "reformer/outsider", especially when McBama fail to deliver on the promises of making Washington different, cause it ain't happening.

[chefmike]

After his buddies see what happened to him I suspect that they'll all be wearing condoms the next time that they decide to dip their wick into some young caribou queen...

[Trogdor]

Sarah is just Tina Fey's evil twin. :P