I'm not telling my gender status - one ladies response

[peggygee]

I'm not telling my gender status

I agree with the majority of the ladies 'that it t'aint nobody's business if I do, as Billie Holiday would say.

There's no way in hell that I'm going to tell every guy that hits on me, my gender status. You
approached me, you're trying to get my attention. If I end up talking with you, it's to see you're worthy
of getting to know better, if you aren't then one of us will get to stepping.

Telling people all over the place, that your trans is more dangerous than not. Next thing your whole
town or city knows, or people at your workplace or school. And you really don't want to bring that up
in a crowded club, where it can spread like wildfire.

The reality of this issue is that men don't have a clue what our lives' are like. They think cause you
chat with them on a forum, or they have been in a pay for play situation that they know what makes us
tick.

Hell most of them have never even met a transwoman.

I've been full time over 34 years, going on to the 13th year as a post op. I have been in many, many
relationships with men. I have dated many, many men. I have been sexually intimate with many men.
In none of those years have I had violent or verbal altercations with men about my gender status.

Why?

Well the men will say that I've just been lucky, and that I'm skating on thin ice, and that one day the
ice will break.

As I stated as a post op I don't confide my gender status if it's just a casual encounter. And when I
say casual encounters I don't mean having sex with someone I just met on the train, in a social setting,
etc. We've talked about various things, conversated on a variety of topics, and I now find you
somewhat interesting. You're smart, funny, engaging, so we might date for a while, but you're not quite
a 'keeper'.

Now if in the course of getting to talk with and know you,what type of person are you, your
temperment, and you're starting to look like a 'person of interest', somebody that I might like to be in
a relationship with, then I will pick a safe time, place, and method to tell you my herstory.

But no I don't meet someone in a bar, bring him home, we're both drunk, we start to make out, and he
might feel something that shouldn't be there.

For me those aren't issues cause I don't drink, and all my parts are the correct ones, but I trust you get
the point.

In my life I have known many, many transwomen, and for the most part they too are aware of how to
protect themselves from hazardous situations like the ones I just outlined.

I won't say that guys going off on girls because of finding out their 'T' is an urban myth or legend, but
from my time as a working girl 'on the game', I've known more girls to get into situations for dipping into
a clients' pocket for money, or that he doesn't want to pay after he has played.

And that "we should go to gay and tranny bars, where the men who love us are".

Sorry that dog won't hunt.

I'm not sitting through lip-synching drag shows, with men all up on the walls looking for dick.

I don't have a dick, so you don't have any use for me, and I don't have any interest in you.

So no gay or tranny bars, I'm mildly bi, but I'm not gay, I'm not a tranny, I'm not on the game, I don't
drink, so why would I go to a gay or tranny bar.

Finally, I feel that men are blaming the victim or condemning us each time a violent incident is reported
in the media.

I also feel that they want to keep us in a tranny ghetto, all to themselves.

On the stealth issue, I didn't transition to be a transsexual, I transitioned to be the woman I am. I am all
for helping the cause, but all I've ever wanted was a normal, hetero, mainstream, 9 -5 life, which is
what I have.

So guys, when you have walked in our Payless or Ferragamo shoes then you can speak on this issue, till
then I must say that you know not whereof you speak.

[Tomfurbs]

Yeah!

Stupid men giving their stupid opinions on a public message board! The nerve!

[peggygee]

Yeah!

Stupid men giving their stupid opinions on a public message board! The nerve!

I actually appreciate the concern for our well-being. And Ithink that many
mens' heart are in the right place on this.

But I still don't get the sense that they fully understand what our lives are
like, and how we conduct ourselves, other than what they read.

Most men only know the women from these forums, or for a half hour
every 6 months when they pony up their 300 roses.

We as women live this 24/7/365.

[TsVanessa69]

Even though I choose not to go post-op, I must say Peggy has hit the nail on the head.
I've done what Ive done in this life to survive, fit in, etc but you make a very valid point.
We don't transition to become transexuals, we transition to become woman.
And honestly speaking I want that normal mainstream life, and yea, real talk, a 9-2-5 and enjoy being a woman.

[peggygee]

Even though I choose not to go post-op, I must say Peggy has hit the nail on the head.
I've done what Ive done in this life to survive, fit in, etc but you make a very valid point.
We don't transition to become transexuals, we transition to become woman.
And honestly speaking I want that normal mainstream life, and yea, real talk, a 9-2-5 and enjoy being a woman.

I was on the phone with my Mom, talking about some transrelated issues.

She's very wise, my best friend, and has been supportive of and been
with me through every step of my transition.

She understands alot of my experience, and my emotions, but just like
the guys, she doesn't get it all.

I think only another tranwoman can fully understand us.

[TsVanessa69]

Even though I choose not to go post-op, I must say Peggy has hit the nail on the head.
I've done what Ive done in this life to survive, fit in, etc but you make a very valid point.
We don't transition to become transexuals, we transition to become woman.
And honestly speaking I want that normal mainstream life, and yea, real talk, a 9-2-5 and enjoy being a woman.

I was on the phone with my Mom, talking about some transrelated issues.

She's very wise, my best friend, and has been supportive of and been
with me through every step of my transition.

She understands alot of my experience, and my emotions, but just like
the guys, she doesn't get it all.

I think only another tranwoman can fully understand us.

Very true. But you are lucky to still have your mom and the fact that she accepts you is wonderful. In my case, my mom passed and when she was alive, it took so many years for her to understand what was going on with me. Count your blessings sis

[SexxxyJade]

I think guys get caught up in the fantasy of it all and dont realize that some of us have a real life. Like your example about being in a bar and bringing guys home and telling them our secret. This is how most people see it, they think its all about sex and fantasy, and dont see past the one night stand, mainly because they dont deal with Trans issues in their real lives so its very hard for them to relate and to even see it as being real life. Whats happens after the one night stand? After the sex? we still have to go on everyday, we dont just go to the next club and do it all over again.
You only see a transexual when you go out late at night to a bar or club, or when you log online not in your everyday lives. When men start to see that we wake up and go to sleep the same way they do, then maybe they will start to understand us better.
Me personally, i dont tell guys anything anytime. I say fuck em and just pretend they already know, sometimes they do, most times they dont, but i feel like if we are vibing and like each other nothing else matters at the time. Of course when its time for sex then all cards are on the table, but im not about to walk around with a TS stamp on my 4 head. Besides, I dont approach men ever, so when you approach me its already assumed that you see something you like ( man woman or dog) you like what you see and u stepped to me, you have to deal with the consequences of that.
I would love to only deal with TS loving men, but realistically thats not the case and im often times in situations where i meet str8 men that approach me and I like them. Why must i suffer and not be able to get to know them? Because im a TS? thats unfair.
Like she said, its much safer to not tell your "t" than to tell it sometimes, who wants to be singled out and pointed at. We have the right to enjoy ourselves and enjoy life just as anyone else does. Its not our fault we're so pleasing to he eyes...wink

[peggygee]

Even though I choose not to go post-op, I must say Peggy has hit the nail on the head.
I've done what Ive done in this life to survive, fit in, etc but you make a very valid point.
We don't transition to become transexuals, we transition to become woman.
And honestly speaking I want that normal mainstream life, and yea, real talk, a 9-2-5 and enjoy being a woman.

I was on the phone with my Mom, talking about some transrelated issues.

She's very wise, my best friend, and has been supportive of and been
with me through every step of my transition.

She understands alot of my experience, and my emotions, but just like
the guys, she doesn't get it all.

I think only another tranwoman can fully understand us.

Very true. But you are lucky to still have your mom and the fact that she accepts you is wonderful. In my case, my mom passed and when she was alive, it took so many years for her to understand what was going on with me. Count your blessings sis

I am blessed and highly favored. She and I talk about just about
everything and anything. We are truly Mother and daughter, and she is
my best friend.

I thank God several times a day that he has kept her in my life.

[peggygee]

I think guys get caught up in the fantasy of it all and dont realize that some of us have a real life. Like your example about being in a bar and bringing guys home and telling them our secret. This is how most people see it, they think its all about sex and fantasy, and dont see past the one night stand, mainly because they dont deal with Trans issues in their real lives so its very hard for them to relate and to even see it as being real life. Whats happens after the one night stand? After the sex? we still have to go on everyday, we dont just go to the next club and do it all over again.

You only see a transexual when you go out late at night to a bar or club, or when you log online not in your everyday lives. When men start to see that we wake up and go to sleep the same way they do, then maybe they will start to understand us better.

Me personally, i dont tell guys anything anytime. I say fuck em and just pretend they already know, sometimes they do, most times they dont, but i feel like if we are vibing and like each other nothing else matters at the time. Of course when its time for sex then all cards are on the table, but im not about to walk around with a TS stamp on my 4 head. Besides, I dont approach men ever, so when you approach me its already assumed that you see something you like ( man woman or dog) you like what you see and u stepped to me, you have to deal with the consequences of that.

I would love to only deal with TS loving men, but realistically thats not the case and im often times in situations where i meet str8 men that approach me and I like them. Why must i suffer and not be able to get to know them? Because im a TS? thats unfair.

Like she said, its much safer to not tell your "t" than to tell it sometimes, who wants to be singled out and pointed at. We have the right to enjoy ourselves and enjoy life just as anyone else does. Its not our fault we're so pleasing to he eyes...wink

Yeah that's what really has my panties in a wad, the guys who only know
transwomen from the Net, from a pay for play.

If you've dated us, been in relationships, then I may listen. You're talking
the talk, and walking the walk.

But most of these guys wouldn't known a TS if she sat on his face.

You're right they think we go to bars, pick up drunken guys to fool, bring
home and have sex.

If you're gonna get the drawers from me, we're going to dinner, a movie,
play, we're going to talk, get to know each other a bit, then after a while
we might kick it.

The only thing many of these guys on the forums know is the fantasy and
not the reality of our lives'.

[BrendaQG]

Amen. Evidence for that is the poll recently taken. Where 2/3 of the men here would take a beautiful CD'er over even an average looking full timer. They voted so they can't deny it. They can't deny that most are attracted to "it" and not to us as whole people.