i am tired of explaining

[whatsupwithat]

i've brought this up before on this board and we didn't get anywhere...but here i am again repeating to you what has become a standard interaction for me with people outside the trans community.

my sister was in the city today and we had lunch. my family has always known of my sexuality and i've always introduced to them any trans women i was dating and serious about. they've also met many of my trans friends and we've all hung out together numerous times. they've always been supportive and i didn't think it was an issue. well, today, i learned that my sister was a little confused about who i am...sexually...and it became an issue.

the topic of my sexuality came up when my sister mentioned that my nieces and nephews has been texting each other back and forth lately about an interview i did where i discussed my sexual preference and my history in the trans community. apparently, they were confused as to my sexuality and when one of them asked their mother, my sister, she didn't know how to answer. she asked me.

SIS: "So, you're gay." (lol, i know, i know, i laughed too)

ME: "No. I experimented with men in the past when i was younger, but it wasn't for me. Never liked it."

SIS: "Then, you're bisexual."

ME: "No."

SIS: "You're not straight."

ME: "No."

(long pause)

SIS: "Then, what are you?"

ME: "There's no name for men like me."

SIS: "Nothing?"

ME: "Well, there are medical terms which are negative. There are terms used by some of the trans women which are negative. Some guys call themselves straight, others call themselves bi. But as for a definitive term...nothing. I've started calling myself transsexual. I think the term transsexual was misappropriated back in the day when they didn't understand too much...not that it has changed all that much out there. There's heterosexual, bisexual, and homosexual which apply to sexuality, right? Trans is a bigger issue, not a sexual one. It's about the sex, who trans people are intrinsically, inside. It's not about sexuality. For me, it's about sexuality. It's my sexuality. So, if i liked women, I'd be heterosexual....men, homosexual...both men and women, bisexual...but transsexual...do you see what I'm saying?"

SIS: "So..."

ME: "Yeah. Exactly."


being open about who i am has led me to have zillion and conversations like this....and not just with family. business people, clergy, friends, acquaintances...the list goes on and on. oh, i could take the buddhist route and say, "it just is", but i think the world at large, society needs something more to hang their hat on. it's a fact that we, as human beings, communicate by words. we understand concepts through them. i'm just tired of explaining. i really am.

DOOOOD, you need to get laid.

Why do you set yourself up to get wound up by someone else's curiosity?

I think you take yourself way too seriously. Get a girlfriend and find a way to burn some of that pent up angst.

ha! thanks, man. i appreciate the advice.

[Alyssa87]

Get a girlfriend and find a way to burn some of that pent up angst.

ha! thanks, man. i appreciate the advice.

he's right ya know

[whatsupwithat]

In the past when I became conscious of my attraction to transsexual women (let´s say, at the age of 16), I still considered myself straight. That went on for a couple of years. The reason might have been my fear that people could consider me as a gay man. I grew up in an environment where the term "gay" was used to make fun of people, insult them or to exlude them, which is the most painful action towards a human being.
But with time since I´m more informed and acclimated to the facts of my sexual preferences, I do not burden myself with categorical terms. It´s simply wrong and too bounded to explain. So, considering yourself as a "transsexual" is in fact bounding yourself, E, which you seem to fight! To be honest, this is inconsistent to me. Sexuality is not just the orientation but gender, too. This is were transsexualism finds itself. You´re using this term in the wrong context but I would never insist on convincing you that you´re totally wrong. This brings us again to a point that has been discussed a million times before: everyone should consider himself the way he wants and feels. If you say you´re gay, bi or straight, let it be. I for myself cannot say that I´m straight anymore. I´m just a sexual individual who loves T-girls and GGs and I don´t need to go further into theories. Some people like strawberry ice but not the strawberry in its original form, so do they like strawberry now or not? Makes no sense to discuss about that.
My sister is the only person to know about my desire for transsexual women but she never kept asking me "what I am", probably because I´m still the same Coroner and she still treats me as her "old straight brother".

Cheers and peace man.

hey old straight brother. good to see you.

great points! yes, sexuality is related to gender, but we're caught in this dualistic way of looking at it. who we are is outside of the normal precepts of society and gender and sexuality...and people cannot grasp it. it's almost like we need a stephen hawking of gender to appear and write a book on string bikini theory. :P

seriously, though, i am all for living as i be. but if you go back to what truebeauty said earlier...as well as others...this goes beyond the individual and our individual choices and preferences and ideas of how we label and see ourselves. it's actually all about community and cohesion and support and moving forward as one, under one umbrella, in a positive way. 'i am what i am' and 'we are what we are' just doesn't cut it when there's nothing for those outside of our community to pin it to. we might as well be ether.

btw, awesome about your sis. i may have painted a portrait of my sister that was a tad negative, but she really has been supportive. she just wants to understand...just like my nieces and nephews do. and they're not the only ones. i run across it all the time. it'd be great to give them clarity outside of rehashed buddhist sayings...that's all.

[whatsupwithat]

Get a girlfriend and find a way to burn some of that pent up angst.

ha! thanks, man. i appreciate the advice.

he's right ya know

great, now i'm blushing.

[justatransgirl]

.....

[Yummster]

how about the term: I'm just a guy who's into GGs and shemales?.

For example a guy like me. Yes I am comfortable being in relationships with GG women, but I just like the kink I get from feminine shemales. It's not really any term thats supposed to be that hard to see.

Does it matter what we are?. If people are into fucking a black prostitute with HIV and thats his thing behind the 4 walls of the house then let him do, if jerking off to hot feminine non masculine trannies are a guys thing let him do it. Im sure many of the guys who got prejudices against hot shemales is a closet case that likes jerking off to pics and vids when no one is around.

So final conclusion: Maybe we are a bit metro sexual in some way, but I wouldn't take it that far of being bi or gay.

[DJ_Asia]

Honestly who gives a damn what others think about anyone's sexual preferences....none of their business and at the end of the day the only person you have to face in the mirror is yourself,and if you can live with what stares back at you then you've got a leg up on many folks.

I came out to my friends and family long agao,I mean it is a bit hard to keep what I do a big secret,but to the point my father thinks that im gay because I date TS's and I told him..."Hey if that gets you through the day,then knock yourself out"...gay,straight,bi,tri, whattever....

And E, you know I mean that in the kindest of ways...peace

[DC]

I've always believed that sexuality is not black or white, there are many shades of grey.

[whatsupwithat]

Honestly who gives a damn what others think about anyone's sexual preferences....none of their business and at the end of the day the only person you have to face in the mirror is yourself,and if you can live with what stares back at you then you've got a leg up on many folks.

I came out to my friends and family long agao,I mean it is a bit hard to keep what I do a big secret,but to the point my father thinks that im gay because I date TS's and I told him..."Hey if that gets you through the day,then knock yourself out"...gay,straight,bi,tri, whattever....

And E, you know I mean that in the kindest of ways...peace

hey dude!

i am sooooooo missing thailand right now! i am in desperate need of some frozen coconut and a foot massage on the beach. lol

anyways, i hear you. i also hear everyone else.

yes, i, personally am tired of explaining, but i can deal. but as i go through this thread and read the replies, i also see that in all of the answers there is the same message...no one knows what to call us and this leads to greater problems for more than just myself or anyone being tired of explaining who we are. it's about all of us in the community, not just the men.

case in point: if someone thinks i'm gay, then that, in fact, also mischaracterizes trans women and reinforces the mistaken belief that they are gay men n dresses...which is the farthest thing from the truth.

this goes beyond the partners of. we're all in this together. who we are in the eyes of the greater population directly relates to who everyone else in the community is in their eyes, as well. so, how do we form a cohesive group, a correctly identified group, with the societal and political muscle to make real change, not be x'ed out of bills like enda because, another case in point, because we are seen as human aberrations not as human beings.

so, yeah, as someone mentioned before, maybe i am taking myself and this a bit too seriously. i don't know. all i know is what i've seen other groups and communities do to make positive change...and gain credibility and 'acceptance' in the greater discourse. the men and women of this community are all individuals with different ways of looking at who we are, but until our message, our identifiers are on point and easily digested and understood, things won't change.

[DJ_Asia]

Honestly who gives a damn what others think about anyone's sexual preferences....none of their business and at the end of the day the only person you have to face in the mirror is yourself,and if you can live with what stares back at you then you've got a leg up on many folks.

I came out to my friends and family long agao,I mean it is a bit hard to keep what I do a big secret,but to the point my father thinks that im gay because I date TS's and I told him..."Hey if that gets you through the day,then knock yourself out"...gay,straight,bi,tri, whattever....

And E, you know I mean that in the kindest of ways...peace

hey dude!

i am sooooooo missing thailand right now! i am in desperate need of some frozen coconut and a foot massage on the beach. lol

Yeah compadre im missing the beach and coconut shakes too....been in Bangkok since forever shooting pix and having ladyboys jizz on my video camera's lens ....Off to Singapore in the AM,might check and see if there is any non Thai girls working The Tower.
Get yo azz back here I hear the Fish are spawning