Shame and Remorse and Me and You

[BeardedOne]

My job is already firmly in the toilet as I type this. I really don't give a flying fart in space what they think about who/what I suck/blow.

hey, man, sorry to hear that. you going to be ok?

Eh.

I've been homeless and jobless before, just not at this age.

It's just a buncha revoltin' coicumstances.

I still owe you a PM/email. It'll come eventually.

[TSCURIOUS]

with that in mind, it makes me wonder. for example...tscurious...thank you for being so honest...and this is by no means meant to disparage you...but isn't what you're doing by keeping this part of your life "private" a form of shame? can you be open about it with your fiancee? your friends? your family? don't you, in essence, have a conscious awareness of the disgrace or condemnation you might suffer if your private life were to be made public?

i'm sorry if i'm being out of line here.[/quote]


Not out of line at all! We all have a potential "downside" of what may happen should we become more public about what turns us on in our private lives. My "downside" may be different and more devasting (for whatever reason) than anothers. And you're right - is it a bit of shame - yes, but I'm not in a position to lose what I've worked so hard for. I could tell a few folks - but I would naturally want them to keep a secret for me and don't want to put friends in that position.
Hope I'm making sense.

[pittsburghadmirer]

Believe me, I know shame and I know remorse. I remember I was 18 when I "stumbled" across pics of TG sex on the internet. At first, I was kinda shocked/disgusted/ etc. I knew that people had sex changes, but it was a shock seeing a beautiful woman with a cock. Soon after that, I was getting more and more curious.

I started looking up shemale sex on the net and such. This continued all through my college years. I never have looked at a guy sexually in all of my life. The thought of two guys having sex doesn't get me turned on to this day. But, in my early 20's, I thought that I must be bi b/c of my fascination/infatuation with TGs. Finally, in my early 20's, I built up enough confidence to look for TGs in my area (Pittsburgh). Granted, not the most glamourous city in the US, but I was surprised there was somewhat of a TG scene.

I saw the ads in all the backs of those free weekly magazines, but for some reason I didn't want an escort. I wanted to find a TG I could be friends with and eventually build a relationship with. I didn't think about the fact that at some point, if I found the right person, I'd have to come clean w/ family and friends. The first TG I met, through the internet, was a girl who was going to college in town. We chatted online, then on the phone, then eventually met in a gay-friendly bar in town. She was beautiful in person and 100% passable. Our relationship last several months. She was my first TG.

I remember driving home after our first sexual encounter, my first sexual experience with a TG. I had many mixed emotions. I thought for sure I was gay after doing the things I could. But, you know what? At the time, none of it disgusted me.

Through her and through sites like this, I found out that there are guys like me and that just b/c we like sex with a TG, doesn't make us totally gay. But still, going out w/ her in public, I was always looking over my shoulder to see if anyone looked at us, even though she was passable. Just a weird feeling.

Eventually, she moved back home and I have since lost contact with her. She helped me with my confidence and for the next two years after that, I dated two more TGs. The following two had their faults, for sure, but I gained confidence.

Now I am married to a GG for two years now. I truly married my best friend, but my infatuation with TGs still goes on. Looking back, I have no regrets and no more remorse. But, when this whole thing started for me, there were many regrets and questions.

I never came out to family, friends, or co-workers during my time dating TGs. Although, one of my close friends and his gf at the time ended up coming to a restauarant where me and a TG I was dating were dining. He didn't know and still doesn't know (to the best of my knowledge), but his gf did look at my date in a strange way. He never said anything to me, though.

The only thing I question now is that what if one of my relationships with a TG grew more and more serious, lasted more and more longer. I still somewhat think about that and what I would've done and how I would've approached "coming out" about her.

[BeardedOne]

*Sigh* My first intimate relations with a T-gurl were in PGH (Though I'd known some socially years before).

[slinky]

The subject of coworkers comes to light:

Though a fair number of my coworkers have pretty much clued into the fact (If I haven't told them outright) that I have 'commercial' intimate encounters from time to time, it's never been made clear what the gender variants of said encounters have been.

Not sure if it's a 'shame' factor or if it's just the point that no one's ever asked or that it hasn't been an issue in any way. They generally know that I am open to all lifestyles (Whether they've assumed, or I've told them, that I might be dabbling in any or all of the above), and that TW ("The Wife", a title, not a relationship) is a bit of a gender outlaw in her own right.

My job is already firmly in the toilet as I type this. I really don't give a flying fart in space what they think about who/what I suck/blow.

A year or two ago this girl shows up as a part timer in the office I work out of and instantly my "working girl" radar pings.

After she's been there for a while (6 months?) one day she just blurts out to me "Can I ask you a question? Are you some sort of tranny pimp or something?". I explain that I do a lot of adult stuff, yada, yada, yada, and ask her about herself and find out she a ProDomme. Just about everyone in the office I work out of (which has nothing to do with the internet or adult) knows I'm "in porn".

[slinky]

hey danny...how's it going? good to see you again.

i didn't mean shame in being labeled so much as shame in what our desires and attractions are. i mean, i think all of us felt a little bit of shame in those early puberty years when every little bump caused an instant erection...and those tissues we used to clean up with were flushed asap. you know what i mean? i think the journey of sexuality is wrought with obstacles that only disappear as we grow and accept that we cannot change who we are.

I think there's a line between "shame" and not wanting to be judged by people, or make uncomfortable people who you have to deal with on a daily basis because you know they have feelings about stuff. When I'm with my very religious Jewish friends, I don't talk about eating pork, but it's not because I'm ashamed I do it.

[mbf]

Nah, I feel like a total perv on here (and thats meaning somehting ) - bc I never felt any shame regarding my sexuality, especially not during puberty.

[ottorocket]

Bump

[JohnnyWalkerBlackLabel]

Started to type something, thought about it, not worth it, I'll discuss it in chat where it won't start a war in a good thread.................

[ottorocket]

The subject of coworkers comes to light:

Though a fair number of my coworkers have pretty much clued into the fact (If I haven't told them outright) that I have 'commercial' intimate encounters from time to time, it's never been made clear what the gender variants of said encounters have been.

Not sure if it's a 'shame' factor or if it's just the point that no one's ever asked or that it hasn't been an issue in any way. They generally know that I am open to all lifestyles (Whether they've assumed, or I've told them, that I might be dabbling in any or all of the above), and that TW ("The Wife", a title, not a relationship) is a bit of a gender outlaw in her own right.

My job is already firmly in the toilet as I type this. I really don't give a flying fart in space what they think about who/what I suck/blow.

A year or two ago this girl shows up as a part timer in the office I work out of and instantly my "working girl" radar pings.

After she's been there for a while (6 months?) one day she just blurts out to me "Can I ask you a question? Are you some sort of tranny pimp or something?". I explain that I do a lot of adult stuff, yada, yada, yada, and ask her about herself and find out she a ProDomme. Just about everyone in the office I work out of (which has nothing to do with the internet or adult) knows I'm "in porn".

Its your Porn "stache" that gives you away isnt it??