Shame and Remorse and Me and You

[BeardedOne]

Second, you will notice that out of, how many people on HA, 5000+, only about 5 guys responded so far.

It's still early, and I predict a total of ten by Sunday.

I bet I could name the next five.

[TSCURIOUS]

Hmm... I'm mid forties, never, ever have been attracted to men in the least. In my business, I have a lot of gay friends - no problem - love them all - go to dinner in public, hang out - no problem - just not my thing. I get pissed when someone makes a snear or glance because I feel for them. However, about a year ago, I was surfing through shemp or some similar sight, I clicked on shemale movies by mistake. I was originally repulsed yet curious to the point where I started watching some of the clips. WOW! I was instantly hooked, fried and incredibly turned on. Tissues please!! So, I started going to a couple of Sunny's parties - I was like a kid in a candy store except I am usually one of the guys in the corner, glass a scotch that leaves by midnight. because of work.
Anyhow, this is all still new to me. I love reading here what people are writing. And as I plan on getting married soon, I'm going to have to shed the "TSCURIOUS" part of my life and have some fun. Not sure if I could be a part of it while married. Do I have any shame or remorse? Not a bit - BUT this part of my life is my private part.
I know I'm a noob, but just .02 about me.
Probably a million like me here.

[slinky]

Everyone is too worried about being labeled "gay". You see it in the million or so threads about "am I gay" or "is liking TS gay" or w/e.

Personally, I'll have sex with whomever I find sexually attractive. Would I have sex with a guy? Yes, if I found him sexually attractive. But in 30 years of being sexually active, I've never found a guy who I found sexually attractive (not even in a movie, in print, etc.) does that make me "gay" or "bi"? guess what? I really don't care. The labels are for haters. Why should I give a shit about a label, unless I want to identify with some group for some reason other than sexual attractiveness? (like, politically). And guess what again? I already do that (Gay Rights, etc.). So what's the fucking difference?

[Tomfurbs]

I 'came out' about this at University, when I lived in 'Halls' with someone who was transitioning. Most amazing person I've ever met.

When I told my friends back home about my attraction to her, they all dropped me like a stone. Seriously, my myspace friend list nosedived.
It was ok, I got to hang out with her cool/crazy friends instead.

I told my parents in a fit of pique, and they don't really know how to process it, but they are so pissed off about other aspects of my lifestyle, I just think they don't think I was serious when I told them. They are Evangelicals, so go figure.

I don't feel any shame about myself BUT, I don't think I could 'come out' to the people at my work, because I know it would mean instant ostracisation (sp?), and the Label 'pervert' (which is probably an accurate one lol).

It is this aspect that I am ashamed about. Maybe one day I will be in a place where I don't care what co-workers think, but I am not there now.

Great thread.

[whatsupwithat]

first of all...yeah! it's cool to see guys responding to this thread. very cool.

thank you, jwbl, hwbs, bearded, flabby, curious, danny, tom!

what i find most interesting is that many so far seem so at ease with their sexuality...never having a problem with it at any point in their lives off of ha.

this is far from a random sampling, or perhaps it is just that, but translated to what i see on the outside or the real world it doesn't line up. granted, we all may just be fabulous and evolved men...oooh, i kinda like that...let's stick with that! :P

but seriously, maybe shame isn't the right word or it's being subjectively defined due to our own experiences with the word. perhaps i should have framed it better.

this is from wikipedia:

"Shame is the consciousness or awareness of dishonor, disgrace, or condemnation. Therapist John Bradshaw calls shame the "emotion that lets us know we are finite""

with that in mind, it makes me wonder. for example...tscurious...thank you for being so honest...and this is by no means meant to disparage you...but isn't what you're doing by keeping this part of your life "private" a form of shame? can you be open about it with your fiancee? your friends? your family? don't you, in essence, have a conscious awareness of the disgrace or condemnation you might suffer if your private life were to be made public?

i'm sorry if i'm being out of line here.

[whatsupwithat]

Everyone is too worried about being labeled "gay". You see it in the million or so threads about "am I gay" or "is liking TS gay" or w/e.

Personally, I'll have sex with whomever I find sexually attractive. Would I have sex with a guy? Yes, if I found him sexually attractive. But in 30 years of being sexually active, I've never found a guy who I found sexually attractive (not even in a movie, in print, etc.) does that make me "gay" or "bi"? guess what? I really don't care. The labels are for haters. Why should I give a shit about a label, unless I want to identify with some group for some reason other than sexual attractiveness? (like, politically). And guess what again? I already do that (Gay Rights, etc.). So what's the fucking difference?

hey danny...how's it going? good to see you again.

i didn't mean shame in being labeled so much as shame in what our desires and attractions are. i mean, i think all of us felt a little bit of shame in those early puberty years when every little bump caused an instant erection...and those tissues we used to clean up with were flushed asap. you know what i mean? i think the journey of sexuality is wrought with obstacles that only disappear as we grow and accept that we cannot change who we are.

[whatsupwithat]

Great thread.

beautiful answer.

[BeardedOne]

The subject of coworkers comes to light:

Though a fair number of my coworkers have pretty much clued into the fact (If I haven't told them outright) that I have 'commercial' intimate encounters from time to time, it's never been made clear what the gender variants of said encounters have been.

Not sure if it's a 'shame' factor or if it's just the point that no one's ever asked or that it hasn't been an issue in any way. They generally know that I am open to all lifestyles (Whether they've assumed, or I've told them, that I might be dabbling in any or all of the above), and that TW ("The Wife", a title, not a relationship) is a bit of a gender outlaw in her own right.

My job is already firmly in the toilet as I type this. I really don't give a flying fart in space what they think about who/what I suck/blow.

[Tomfurbs]

Great thread.

beautiful answer.

Fanx!

[whatsupwithat]

My job is already firmly in the toilet as I type this. I really don't give a flying fart in space what they think about who/what I suck/blow.

hey, man, sorry to hear that. you going to be ok?