The Worst Blowjob you ever had?!?

[lupinIII]

I'm sorry Janira, that must have been horrible for you but I'm laughing so goddamn hard right now it's hard for me not to fall off my chair. Hi -fucking- larious. When I'm not laughing my ass off at the sexual ineptitude of that boy I almost feel sorry for you.

[Jasadin]

I once meet this around the way girl which a few of my fellow co workers knew. I would say once of twice I gave her a ride just because I liked watching her ass in motion as she walked away.Well one day she knocked on my door and I took off the dress and heels I was wearing and closed my Hungangels tab before letting her in. So she's sitting down playing on my computer just looking so good or maybe I was was horny?
Now usually I wouldn't mess with a girl who knows who I know because I'm afraid it'll get around that I've got a small penis and/or my other extra curricular activities and I just can't handle that tidbit of info being public knowledge but today I'm reckless.
So anyway she's on my computer and I approach from the back kissing her neck trying to get something started. Next my pants are down and she is not really blowing me. She's holding my cock like a flute and nibbling on it like corn on the cob. After a minute of awkward silence I realize "no thank you " but I didn't say that....I was thinking it.
She gets up and goes to the bathroom. I'm thinking the vajay option is available. After a few minutes of waiting I hear this extremely loud cough long winded cough. I say are you ok and I bust into a cloud of second hand crack smoke. I kick her out and try to ventilate the whole apartment but the damage has been done. I don't feel right. I got my first and only hit of secondhand crack.I was up for 48 hour straight. So what was really got blown the worst my cock or my brain

[bigfreddy]

Not the most uncommon thing, I guess, but I had a drunk girl vomit all over me about 5 minutes in. As I was hammered also, it was not a good thing to see. She started crying and apologizing and I was cool with it, but the mood was obviously ruined. Fortunately, we were at her apartment so I was able to shower up with her and as she sobered up it got better

[littlenookie]

I hooked up with this girl and she pulls my pants down and says she's gonna "Rock My World." She barely puts any of my cock in her mouth, like just past the head. And it's not like I'm huge or anything so it shouldn't have been a problem for her. She only blows me for like a minute or two then starts hand-jobbing me. To make it worse she was pulling on my cock like she was trying to rip out some weeds in a garden, it hurt like hell. So after a couple of minutes of that I told her she could stop.

Some birthday present huh!!!

[francisfkudrow]

Well, my worst blowjob was still OK.

The problem was similar to the one Janira had--someone who was overconfident. This girl asked me if I had ever been blown by a girl with a tongue piercing, and was talking about how amazing it will feel. Then she starts to blow me and isn't terribly good. The tongue piercing didn't really add anything to the experience, and she couldn't get me off.

[Intrepid]

Same as bigfreddy. She was drunk, I wasn't so drunk. We'd gone to White Castle before hand 'cause she wanted to eat something to counteract some of the alcohol. We were in the back seat of my Dad's car. I was in high school. I'll never forget it.

[DJ_Asia]

Mine was made worse by the circumstances involved and how utterly amazing it could have been.

My ex-wife's best friend was a Playboy Playmate,Simone Eden (do a Google) who called us from San Diego one night crying about a fight she had w/ her b/f,and could she come up to LA and stay with us.So we agrred,and she made the drive up.My ex was hot..Simone was HOTTER...just stunning!...anyways...

After calming her down and relaxing awhile,my ex and I head to bed and Simone stays up to watch tv.....this is where it begins to sound like Penthouse Forum....

I start fucking my ex and after awhile i hear a noise behind me and I look and there's Simone,standing in the doorway,watching us fuck.Ex gets up and goes and talks to simone who has had a couple glasses of wine and is feeling it.The 2 of them turn to me and say "Simone has never given a blowjob before...and she wants me to teach her how" Now im thinking to myself how can a Playboy Playmate gone thru life w/o sucking a few cocks along the way?! Well always one to help out a friend in need I agreed and I layed back for what I thought would be an experience for the ages...and it was,but for the wrong reasons!

Simone thought a blowjob was where you literally blow on a penis...so thats what she did...blew on my cock,and when my ex tried to correct her,Simone just giggled and began blowing again.This went on for 15 minutes or so,and knowing that I had a half drunk big titted blonde Playmate lodged between my legs,I was growing impatient w/ this not so fun anymore "blowjob"....

Anyways long story short...the blowjob was so awful,the giggling was so annoying that after awhile I told my ex to get her outta the room so that I could get a real blowjob.....sad but true.

[HP1000]

I've never had anyone that could get me off orally to this day. I think I have a high tolerance to oral. I'd almost put up a Help Wanted Sign that reads:

Girl that gets me off orally gets a $500 bonus for making me un-load

[the1phinneas]

Thankfully I've only been involved in one excruciating incident... I was 21 and had just started dating this 28 yo cutie. I had brought some wine over, and we were almost through the bottle when she pushed me onto the bed and got busy. It was going very well, and she could definitely suck a dick. She took a momentary break, and came back with a mouthfull of wine, which at the time sounded intriguing. Until when mid-mouthfull I made some witty observation, which caused her to laugh so hard, she literally "blew" wine down into my cock.

My dick felt like I shoved it into lava... Screaming, hopping, shaking (both involuntary and voluntary), and rinsing were all in vain: the wine went deep, and continued to burn for a good 10–15 minutes. She was quite apologetic, and while it was partially my fault for being a smart-ass, she made it up to me when I was able to resume. Don't try this one at home kids, alcohol and oral sex don't always mix!

—Phinn

[gravis722]

Mine was in high school.

It was both of our first time.

She openned her mouth and blew air all over my penis.

it was awful.

I was so horrified that I did not speak of it for years.