A Family Affair

[RubyTS]

Hey all. Um, dunno how to start this. Its very personal and quite a touchy subject, but im going through a roller coaster of emotion right now and i reall need to let it out. Only i will leave out a lot of details because some things ae way too private.

First off, as a lot of u who actually follow me are aware, my mom has cancer. I believe its called vulva cancer. I had a vid up on youtube in my last account where i visited her, and posted up her telling me the story of when i was born. This week in philadelpha i recieved veryy bad news that she's not gonna beat it. The cancer is spreading rapidly and radiation isnt helping. The doctors told her that she has a year tops to live.

My relationship with my mother was never very close. I love her to death, but due to some circumstances and things that happened in the past, she wasn't able to raise me. She has 4 beautiful children. We were all put into foster homes as children. Me, my brother jason, my baby sister Lucy and my baby brother Justin. We bounced around from home to home for a while. I was in one which was very abusive to both me and my baby sister. We were then seperated and i was put into another home with a black family. Of course that didn't work out. I believe i was in one more before being placed in a home with my older brother Jason. I had missed him so much. After some time, my fatrher got himself together and took over custody of me and my brother. We fought for visitation right to see our brother and sister. They both wound up being adopted into other families. I must have been 12 when i last saw my baby brother justin. He would have been 6 around that time. Lucy probably 7.

Anyhow afte recieving news of my moms health i dropped everything and a very sweet man gave me a ride from philadelphia into nyc. I spent the night at a motel and prepared myself for having to see my mom after so much radiation. The next day, i met with valiere and she accompanied me to visit with my mother. She was so happy to see me and instantly fell in love with Valiere. I tried my best to hold back any emotion and keep my mom smiling. I managed to do a great job of that surprisingly. I bought he a huge spongebob pillow which she adored and she was so appreciative of even the smallest things. We wound up having a great time. We spoke a lot about the past, and i learned a lot about my mother's relationship wityh my former father ( i recently disowned him) I blame him for a lot. My mom's had a very bad childhood. She told me the best thing that came from her life was her kids. This hurt me so much because 2 of them are within range and never spend time with her. And its not like she did anything to deserve this. When i saw how much she valued me as her child and respects me as the person i am today, and her concern for my dafety and well being i decided that i will do whatever possible to make the remainder of her days as memorable, fun and positive as possible!

I've been doing a lot of organizing and arranging and found that i have a lot more friends and family than i thought. At one point i really felt alone in this would. Now i feel loved and appreciated by the people who matter most. I got back in contact with 3 childhood friends who have shown the utmost suppost in this time of need. One i neglected for a long while and regret doing so. She s beyond a friend. She IS my family. Her name is Kathy, like my mom. I got in contact with my brother Jason, and we are aranging a visit for friday. I want to surprise my mom with my brother and kathy but little did i expect what was to come next!

During the visit with my mom, we had spoken about her other 2 children Lucy and Justin. I vowed 2 things that day. One being to make my former father pay for all the damage that he has caused. 2 - to find my brother and sister.

While on the phone after arriving back in philadelphia, Valiere ran my baby brothers name on myspace. I cried immediately when one struck me. THATS MY BROTHER! He now lives in florida, he's 19 and he's grown to be such a hansome man, and even has a child! My mom is a grandmother by her youngest so and doesn't even know! I messaged him and since i am awaiting a response. I have been super nervous, excited, anxious and sad all at once! I took on so much responsibility and there's so much pressure with so little time! Justin looks to be very conservative and im scared that he wont accept us into his life. This is something u see in movies for god sakes... not something that happens to people like US! What is he gonna think? How is he going to feel? Will he have abandonment issues? Will he allow me to fly him in to meet his biological mother? Will he even care? How do i go about this touchy subject and make him comfortable without scaring him off with so little time! Im so confused and scared, but i'm trying to be as strong as possible.

Im not going to take on the task at the immediate present at locating my baby sister. I think i have enough work to do for now.

Im asking you all to please keep my mom in your payers! May she live long enough to see her most beautiful creations united as a family against all hurdles and hills in our way. By gods will i will make this happen... or die trying.

Dont take family for granted. You never know what u have until its gone!

Ruby

[Solitary Brother]

Wow...........
I cant even imagine what your going through right now.
I hope you can cheerish your mother while she is still here.
My mom died when I was 16 and I have never gotten over it.
Many people out here see you as MORE than just an escort but a human being.......that is why you are so popular.
I wish you the best in these hard times and just hold and hug your mother and tell her you love her.

God bless

[andyuk]

my mother got breast cancer 5 years ago.i care for her now.
the treatment stops later this year.hopefully she will get the all clear.i remember seeing the video of your mum on youtube.it was very sweet.
may i also add you have a wonderful personality,and it shines in your videos.i also have half brothers who i have never met too.
i will include your mother in my prayers
god bless to her and you and your family in this difficult time.

[alphanumeric]

I really do hope your mom gets better.

[Legend]

Wow your mom really has my prayers i don't know what the heck i would do without my mother i love her dearly,its really admirable what you are willing to do for your mom.I judged you wrongfully in the past and apologize.

[whatsupwithat]

much peace and all my love to you and all in your family.

my mom and dad both died of cancer. i can so very much relate to the pain and anguish you are experiencing.

[RubyTS]

thank u all for your support, this is a very wierd time for me. it feels surreal

[General124]

Sorry to hear about everything Ruby. Take it easy and don't let it wear you down. Enjoy the time you have with your mom.

As far as your brother is concerned, the only thing I can advise, if I can, is to remind him that this is about your mom. Don't let anything else come to the forefront now. There's more than enough time to handle those issues.

It's about mom.

YIMP

[blckhaze]

I will certainly keep your family in my prayers. I lost my mother when I was 11 from lupus(type of cancer) and lost the grandmother who raised me after this past october. Its not fun watching ones family member's health slowly disintegrate, but God has a purpose for everything. Your situation has led you to finding your youngest brother, and may lead you to find you youngest sister. hopefully both of these past realationship florish even out of this tradegy.

[Realgirls4me]

Ruby:

I kind of went through this with my father. My head and sentiments are elsewhere tonight, so I'm not thinking on a full clear tank, but do everything in your power to bring whoever you can together. In the end, everyone will most likely appreciate your efforts, and you -- YOU -- will take solace in that you did everything you could for her and everyone. Don't get into a "would of, could of, should of" position after the fact. That's what can play with your head.

My thoughts are with you.