The right way to transition after 25 - Vicki Opinion

[Vicki Richter]

I never said that.

I wasn't refering exclusively to you on that, apolgies if it came off like that.

There are people on this board that are so willing to throw the old hags under the bus. Admitedly, I don't want any intimate dealings with them but I do support thier right to be who they are and to live how they choose to live. In fact I kind of admire that courage. That thing that says 'fuck it, I may not pass and I may be ugly to most but this is who I am'.

For whatever reason they didn't transition at a young age. A lot of people will hold that against them as if they are less of a transsexual compared to a girl like yourself. I don't know thier story and just feel that none of us has the right to judge them for doing what they feel is right in thier heart for thier own lives.

I just really don't get how TS women (with the way that society looks upon you as a whole)can be so quite to descriminate against the next girl because her path to becoming a woman was different or because of how she looks.

It seems so based on outer and superficial reasons.

I don't feel it is superficial so much as being responsible to the rest of us. In Thailand TS are expected to look like women for the most part. This is one reason why their acceptance is higher than ours. If all of our TS actually looked like women to a large extent, instead of this - turn 40, do nothing to transition, but start calling yourself a TS thing that happens, it would be a lot easier on all of us.

I am not saying all TS women have to be stealth, but at least put in some effort besides makeup and a dress. That is a full time CD in my opinion. How does she not expect her coworkers to "talk about her"? That is to be expected. My opinion on how someone like this should transition is as follows:

While still dressing like a man:
- 1 year laser
- 1 year hormones
- Both ears pierced
- If you have short hair, grow it out.
- Please practice your voice. A deep voice on a TS isn't feminine and anybody can work on and improve this. It's annoying when girls don't even appear to try. Get a voice training tape they really work from the girls I have heard.

At this point you can start acting "mildly" and I stress mildly feminine. Your appearance will change as the facial hair goes, and hormones will have some affect on your skin.

If you have a good job like this person:
- Plan FFS with a GOOD doctor. If you have to borrow money do it. It is hugely worth it.
- Plan any body modifications
- See a doctor if you choose to
- Plan a name change

Basically, what you are doing is letting people build up slowly to your changing disposition and appearance. When you take that extra step, it won't be so shocking and appalling. The best thing would be to take a long vacation or brief leave of absence if your work allows for it. A lot of times employees can save up vacation one year and bridge it into the next. For example if you have 2 weeks of vacation, save it up for the last few weeks of December and then take your following year's vacation in January for 4-5 weeks off.

Go get your FFS and other surgeries during this leave. Also, because you have gotten all of your planning out of the way, have your name legally changed during this time as well.

Then, right before you go back to work, schedule a meeting with HR. Give them a heads up. Chances are they won't have any clue on how to deal with something like this. However, perhaps they could have some sensitivity training with folks before you return.

Regardless, when you go back, you will look different, feel different, and have a new name and hopefully an ID that reflects your appropriate gender. People will still talk, but they will likely say, "yeah I saw that coming" instead of "what a freak! Look at that freak!"

Obviously, you have to gauge all this by your company. If you work for a small company, they might fire you anyway. But a company like DHL is big enough to have some policies around this kind of thing.

Finally, expect it to be hard and not fun for awhile. However, if you go in looking as feminine as possible, things will be much easier for you and your coworkers. Transition responsibly.

[BrendaQG]

That is all great advice that I wish more people would follow. You know what's sad Vicky? The people who really need to hear it would disregard it simply because of the occupation of the source. :-/ Their loss.

A big objection you would hear to that , I'll bet, is that they don't want anyone to think they are gay.

[youcancallmeclaire]

I totally feel the same way. The overnight transition thing makes no sense to me.
I think.... when someone completely changes that quickly, people see it as a rash decision or even a joke.

I started with changing little things slowly beginning like 8 years ago, things no one would notice. It was so gradual that no one really cares now.

Even as far as my name goes, I didn't immediately switch to my current one. First, I went by initials, then altogether stopped using my old one, then I switched to a genderless sort of nickname, then a more feminine nickname, and finally my current name.

People just sort of went with it, and I had a pretty uneventful transition while managing not to lose any friends or family.

[Alison Faraday]

I switched over overnight.

The trouble in the UK is that the NHS practically controls everything, and without their support you're stuffed. Private treatment is even intertwined with the NHS, such that you can't just avoid them by throwing sums of money at it.

Like for my private surgery I've still needed NHS documentation from my GP. The NHS control the timetable for alot of these transitioners, and if you don't comply then they can and do make your life absolute hell.

One thing that the NHS now do is to make people transition WITHOUT hormones. You have to do your first year without HRT. If you're not in employment, boom, your RLE isn't recognised

This whole discussion here is as a result of the NHS. That person in the other thread will have been subject to the NHS, they would have had no choice. It's an archaic organisation with 1960's views. Saying that though, the government (NHS) does have in place significant protection for transsexuals. We get passports, driving licences, and birth certificates. The discrimination payouts are also unlimited. Payouts have been as high as £250k ($500).

These pictures are from just before I transitioned. I was still wearing guy clothes then!! and a belt with extra hole cut in it.

Looking back on them, they're just so scary!!

[Vicki Richter]

You were very androgynous. Not many can say that.

I disagree on hormones. Many TS self medicate. It may not be cheap or free or discounted, but it is doable. Odd that you can't self medicate when most of the online drug stores are in Europe and will ship to the USA. I would never let the government get involved with my T.

[SarahG]

I switched over overnight.

The trouble in the UK is that the NHS practically controls everything, and without their support you're stuffed. Private treatment is even intertwined with the NHS, such that you can't just avoid them by throwing sums of money at it.

Like for my private surgery I've still needed NHS documentation from my GP. The NHS control the timetable for alot of these transitioners, and if you don't comply then they can and do make your life absolute hell.

One thing that the NHS now do is to make people transition WITHOUT hormones. You have to do your first year without HRT. If you're not in employment, boom, your RLE isn't recognised

This whole discussion here is as a result of the NHS. That person in the other thread will have been subject to the NHS, they would have had no choice. It's an archaic organisation with 1960's views. Saying that though, the government (NHS) does have in place significant protection for transsexuals. We get passports, driving licences, and birth certificates. The discrimination payouts are also unlimited. Payouts have been as high as £250k ($500).

And to think there are people who want to bring that flavor of universal health care to the United States.

I learned all I needed to learn of the gender clinic model of transitioning from one of my mom's doctors (who worked in the American form of those clinics decades ago). This "medical professional" feels that hrt before 35 is unethical, immoral and should be illegal- and will employ any and everything she can think of to discourage or otherwise prevent people younger from 35 from transitioning (most especially in terms of stuff like hrt, plastic surgery and other treatments).

I had this "professional" spoon feeding my mom that kind of crap (to say it lightly) for years, the whole "if a patient does it at 17/18/etc they'll certainly die, it would be lethal, no way around it" and all kinds of similar blatant lies. This was an annoyance for me more than anything else, I was not dependent on my mom's finances nor her docs then and I wasn't going to let some quack get in my way- because thankfully here we have options, more options then most countries when dealing with stuff like this (and I am NOT saying things couldn't be better... I think we could learn a thing or two from some countries which have alot of stuff we consider to be Rx as nonRx- many asian countries allow you to buy estrogen in gas station quickie marts w/out any slips...). It still irks me however, the last thing we need are uneducated, arrogant bigots masquerading as medical professionals in an attempt to help further their political agendas of societal decay... do we really want people to think that its "best" to wait until 35+? I certainly hope not...


Luckily our system, as good/bad/etc it may be at times, has an easy availability of online medications w/out prescription requirements. Thats more than alot of girls in alot of countries can say, and not even in areas that far away from the US... Canada's customs is exceptionally "good" at keeping online prescriptions out of the country so getting hrt meds from online sources into Canada has been troublesome at times. The more options people have, the better it is- period. When the gov is the only game in town, there are going to be headaches, especially for something as unmainstream as transistioning... shoot look at how much trouble we can have merely at trying to do routine things at the DMV... now picture the same clowns in charge of our medical lives

[BeardedOne]

Grrr!

My guy's view on this was just eaten by the net.

May respond later.

[TrueBeauty TS]

I don't feel it is superficial so much as being responsible to the rest of us. In Thailand TS are expected to look like women for the most part. This is one reason why their acceptance is higher than ours. If all of our TS actually looked like women to a large extent, instead of this - turn 40, do nothing to transition, but start calling yourself a TS thing that happens, it would be a lot easier on all of us.

While I actually agree with many of your ideas on successful transitioning, this is still (?) a free country, people are allowed to make bad choices or even good choices, but based on their own time table and financial resources.

My guard goes up whenever there is a "Everyone should do it/be like me and this would be a great world."

I'll play devil's advocate with you - You could use your own argument against you. Wouldn't it be more responsible of all TS's not to be escorts or work in the porn & sex trade? Think of how much higher we would be accepted if all TS's went to college and had good, "respectable" careers instead of being drugged out, alcoholic, sex crazed, uneducated hookers.

In a perfect world, we would all be smart & beautiful (like Vicki & I ) but it's not, and we can't live other peoples' lives for them or make their choices for them, even if they are good choices.


.

[suckseed]

I happen to have seen TrueBeauty folks, and can testify that she is indeed beautiful. Talked to her also, and she's smart as well....but dayum she's private! I meant well, TB, promise!

[Vicki Richter]

That is why I made sure to say my "opinion" right in the topic header. Yes people can do whatever they want to do. However, there are more rational ways of progressing.

I don't think your analogy works all that well because there are GG's who do porn and there are guys who do. If anything, I feel porn actually is a controlling function over people's perceptions. This is a good thing. Guys are recognizing that TS women can look just as good and natural as GG's. This wouldn't have happened without porn.

Just the same, it would really move us forward a lot more if most of the attractive TS weren't hookers and sex workers. I can almost guarantee that some TS would be famous and married to someone famous in Hollywood if she was beautiful and not a sex worker. We need that here.

Anyway, it is my opinion, that girls in training would do well to follow my very good advice.