Dilemma

[djbj_2_2_69]

Very true Ecstatic, and I more than likely will sooner than later. I hung out with Sapphire for a night, nothing sexual but she's a really great girl and i'd love to hit that when I get the funds together. When I get my next pay raise I'll have to give her a call.

[AllanahStarrNYC]

Personally,

I think anyone who makes a concious decision to be part of a monagamous relationship- wether it be with a woman, ts, or a man,
and breaks that contract for his/her own "needs" should not be involved in a that type of relationship and should not be living a lie. I think that is horrible.

There of course is nothing wrong with fantasy or looking- thats what eyes are for.


Monogamy does not work, I don't believe in it personally.
However, as an honorable person- if you choose to make that decision
to be with your partner and then you are fucking behind that person's back, well then you are no so honorable.

Basically guys- don't shit where you eat. If you can't be honest with yourself and the other person it is all gonna blow up in your face one day.
Don't make promises you can't keep.

[giadarling]

allanah is so right!!!! and dont i know it!!!! LOL
i beeen on the girlfriend end and its not cute when you find out that your "boyfriend" has been lieing to ya!!! or living a complete seperate life on the side

so i think its best to be honest

like i say its better to be hurt with the truth than with lies!!!

its more respectable!!!!

[Ecstatic]

Allanah and Gia, I quite agree with you, though the question of when to bring the issue up depends upon the people and circumstances involved. I was trying to be diplomatic with mambo, and I don't know his circumstances or how monogamous his relationship is from his girlfriend's point of view (obviously, not so much from his). But if you're hiding something that basic from your SO, and the truth comes out, he/she will likely be hurt, which means you will be, too. You think you're getting something extra, but the cost is too great. And even if the truth doesn't come out, you are at best living a lie and not being honorable, as Allanah says, and how can you live with that?

The one thing I think maybe I should have done would have been to tell my wife I wanted to see a TS escort before my first encounter. I didn't. I make no excuses there other than being too swept up by the excitment of my first ts encounter--as well as my first extramarital encounter with any sex in over 10 years (and yes, my wife knew about the previous one as well). But we talked about it afterwards, and she was quite ok with it, and a little fascinated by the idea of a man who had become a woman.

I don't tell my wife about all my encounters simply because she wouldn't care to know all those details. But she does know that I visit a transwoman now and then and, as she has told me, she is actually relieved for it. You see, my wife--and I love her very much, have for 30 years--is in that 1% of the population which some sex researchers define as "asexual": she never has feelings of sexual attraction to anyone. I've known this about her all along, just as she has known since virtually day one of meeting me that I'm bisexual (maybe omnisexual is the better term). She has emotional attraction to men, but very rarely even in her 20s or 30s was she sexually attracted, and today, not at all. So she tells me that it isn't fair for me to go without sexual contact--let alone deny one half of my bisexual nature--when she has no interest in sex. After all, such incompatibility would be grounds for divorce. But we love each other deeply and neither of us can imagine our lives without the other. So we make adjustments: I don't impose my sexual needs on her, and she is happy that I get my needs attended to elsewhere (so long as I play safe and don't break the bank doing so). It's a unique situation, and believe me, our relationship has been stronger these past three years than it was before. She's even given me the go-ahead to see a gg escort if I want to, but at present I'm far too into T's to want to see a G.

[Mugai_hentaisha]

Pretty interesting postings

Wow very deep

I once believed in monogamy and still today i still do to a point

When I was married in 1991 I thought Wow this is the girl for me....6 years later i was tossing out the idea of "getting out, quick" we were fighting, her beliefs didn't jive with mine. She had a very.."romantic novel outlook on relationships". i had a very pragmatic look at human relationships. So we clashed quite frequently and intensive as well, but I never told her I wanted out and at that time i was still very monogamous. Then in 1999 It hit we were spating, money was not good, and i was working midnights, which didn't make anything easier, a woman who i am at present living with showed an interest and bam i fell, and big time. My wife and I was divorced in 2002.

So take it from me if you want a Monoganous relationship you have to really work at it, it doesn't come naturally. You have to talk about feelings and for men that is the toughy. If you have fantasies of any type (hopefully their at least legal) and you feel that you may want to "act on it" you need to talk to your Significant other. With that being said, you will also need to develope some tact with it. "sitting your wife, lover, husband, whatever and say something to the effect of, "Baby I want to fuck the hell out of a shemale and then have a shemale fuck the hell out of me!!!!!" may not be the wisest course of action known. This will probably cause some lines to be drawn and battles to start. Think before you speak but please speak.

[Caleigh]

i don't believe in monogamy for myself either and because of my openness about my position i found someone who agrees with that and is ok with it.

i think that people need in general to be more open about their needs and desires. if they were more open then everyone would know what they were getting into and people would find someone who is truly compatible.

by hiding parts of yourself all you do is set yourself up for a fall. either you will stray to satisfy a need, or you will feel resentment for being unfulfilled.

2cents

[Ecstatic]

by hiding parts of yourself all you do is set yourself up for a fall. either you will stray to satisfy a need, or you will feel resentment for being unfulfilled.

Caleigh, as Emeril would say, "Bam!" You hit it. Three excellent, related points: 1) by hiding parts of yourself, you set yourself up for a fall. Big time. Been there, got the t-shirt. 2) As musician-poet Greg Brown put it, "if you don't find it at home, you're gonna go looking": if your needs are not fulfilled in your primary relationship, you will at least be tempted to look elsewhere. 3) Or, if you don't stray, you'll harbor resentment for being unfulfilled. This was the case for me: despite my deep and abiding love for my wife, and having tried every avenue possible to work out our differences so that she would desire sexual intimacy and failing to do so, I did feel resentment, and that was hurting our relationship. It's not that she ever denied it or resented my wanting it; she would say, if I want it, I only have to ask. But it's not something I want to ask for, dig? It's something which I want to be a mutual desire, and that's simply not her nature. She pulls away from intimate contact, involuntarily, which puts a damper on my desire (as in, not the response you want to elicit, plus part of my bisexual nature is that I'm not an assertive, macho kind of guy who just grabs what he wants, but who has to feel desired; I've had far more male lovers than female simply because guys would make the first move, while I wouldn't, even though I knew women expected that).

Complicate that with the fact that I wasn't getting any from the other side of the road either, and so I crawled into the 'net and beat off looking at beautiful women and transwomen and occasionally going down on a big cock or receiving a guy from behind. But this was also unsatisfying. So, one day, browsing Eros, I saw an ad for a woman which stopped me cold: this TS could be the transexual Wonder Woman (tall, athletic, nicely shaped, 38dd's, beautiful--and, I would discover later, a most beautiful person as well). So I called her, we set a time, and I was off.

That first session blew my mind. Best O I had had in 20 years, easy. I knew I would be back for more. And that I'd have to find a way to tell my wife. Well, I got home, and she looked at me and innocently asked, "who called from California?" The girl I had seen had called me after I left (memo to self: use the cell phone, dumbass) and while she didn't leave a message, my wife's the type to check to see who called by reviewing the numbers. I could've said "someone from work" because our corporate offices are in San Francisco. But honesty is paramount in our marriage: we don't try to tell all, but we always tell the truth, especially when asked. So I told her about the beautiful TS escort I had just gone to see. It did take a little while for it to sink in: not so much my going to see an escort (as it turns out, she felt it was about time!), but she had never thought about a TS before and that took her a little while to consider. But she was fine with it, and every couple of months since then I see someone (usually one of my two regular girls, though once in a while someone new).

[ONEWORLD]

FOR ME, MONOGAMY IS NOT AN ISSUE OF BELIEF OR OF BELIEVING IN IT, MAINLY BECAUSE IT DOES ACTUALLY EXIST...IT'S NOT LIKE SANTA CLAUS OR THE EASTER BUNNY, MONOGAMY IS A CONCEPT THAT IS PRACTICED EVERYDAY - ALL OVER THE WORLD...THOUGH YOU WOULDN'T GUESS THAT BY ALL THE MESSAGES AND IMAGES WE SEE FROM POPULAR CULTURE. MONOGAMY IS NOT INTERESTING ENOUGH TO BE PORTRAYED ON TV, MOVIES, OR IN PRINT. MILLIONS OF WOMEN DON'T TUNE INTO DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES OR SEX IN THE CITY TO MARVEL AT HOW GREAT A COUPLES RELATIONSHIP IS, LOL. THAT BEING SAID, IN MY HUMBLE OPINION, LIFE IS ABOUT MONOGAMY OR BEING COMMITTED...COMMITTED TO A PERSON, COMMITTED TO A CAREER, COMMITTED TO YOUR CHILDREN, ETC...

FOR ME, LOYALTY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT OF ANY RELATIONSHIP, SO IF YOU ARE NOT COMMITTED, THEN HOW CAN YOU EXPECT SOMEONE TO BE LOYAL OR TO HAVE YOUR BACK...AND SO FOR ME, IF THERE'S NO COMMITMENT, THEN I DON'T SEE A PURPOSE FOR BEING TOGETHER...MY PERSONAL TIME IS TOO VALUABLE...

AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT THERE CAN'T BE OTHER REASONS TO BE TOGETHER; BUT FOR ME, THE WHOLE THING IS POINTLESS WITHOUT THAT "BOND".

[ONEWORLD]

DUPLICATE POST.

[thatguy]

Basically guys- don't shit where you eat.

LOL spoken like a true Cubana (no cagas donde tu comes)...

It's fine to look, but if the other side expects monogamy and you break that trust, you get what you deserve when she finds out. That being said, there is a time and a place for introducing a fantasy to your other. Not everyone is in a GGG relationship full of understanding (like some of the regular posters here)...take your time, feel her out, suggest other similar things, etc. Dropping the bomb mostly kills the innocents, after all.