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[SarahG]

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[tsmandy]

I'm a firm believer in open relationships.

That said, there are real limits to what a person can endure, and it seems like you need to get out of that situation. It may hurt them financially, oh well, tough shit, mr. husband shouldn't have misled you. It might be better to get the hell out of your crazy situation (even if that creates some major logistical and emotional problems) now on your own volition, than later when things reach a crisis level.

You seem like a cool girl, and you deserve more than a furtive fuck now and then.

[Balcanoid]

I agree with Mandy, you should change enviroment for a while, give youself a time to put together...in this case you`re in you`re just bouncing
off the walls, being pulled back and forth - it`s quite complicated way of life for a youngster...
...get out, find you`re own way...
Don`t worry about money, you`re time and life overall worth much more!

[hwbs]

i joke around alot on here ,so ill be serious on this one...if im dating someone then that is it....she has my attention and nobody else...im not open to let a 3rd party in my life...if a girl wants to be open then we are just fucking and nuthing else...lets keep booty calls , just that..

[peggygee]

Sadly, in all likelihood this will not end well for you.

A married man, particularly a married man who professes to
love his wife, will not leave her for you.

Further all of this sneaking and creeping is doing a number on
your self esteem and emotional state.

As painful as it may be, there is only one solution to this problem - leave.

Finally, for the record, I only engage in monogamous relationships.

[Kriss]

Really cannot vote as all four options are appropriate with different people. While option 1 may be best with one girl, I would want option 4 with a different girl. This may change over time, people change over time so what worked once for a couple may need re-evaluating. Both people want different things at different times throughout thier lives and personal development, if the relationship can't be elastic enough to accommadate this growth, then it may be time to move on. I don't believe in one ideal partner or "Miss right", If you are lucky enough to meet the right person at the right time in your life, just enjoy it while it lasts as you may not be 'compatible' forever.

[TheGuard]

Call me crazy, but I'm the monogamous sort. Those damn morals that were instilled in me in youth, damn them to Hell.

Seriously, I wouldn't cheat - I wouldn't be cheated on.

It's much easier to simply end it, but I'm cold-hearted like that.

[BeardedOne]

Jeez-us, where to begin with this one?

First off, your poll only scratches the surface of the many varied levels of poly relationships. I've known a 'monogamous' triad marriage (One husband, two wives), an open triad (One wife, two husbands, rotating boyfriends/girlfriends), and a gay male and gay female (Each with same-sex lovers) married for the sake of family.

I come from an intellectual culture where monogamy is the exception to the norm and plural relationships are not necessarily common, but not looked down upon by the populous as a whole.

Your situation, however, has certain levels of toxicity to it. I'm not saying this to scold or judge you, just to point out my view of your reality.

You say that his wife doesn't know of the level of intimacy you share with her husband. That's bad. It's especially nasty because it sounds as though you all get along rather well on a friendship/housemate level. That means that, when the feces strikes the air circulation device (As is sure to happen, based on the scenario you've put forth), there will be a massive, multi-level fallout of close friendships, beyond any intimacy that exists.

That she doesn't know what is between you and her husband is a trust issue that is focused primarily between them, but which could just as well involve you (Has he told you everything, in all honesty, about his relationship/history with his wife?).

Advice time (And don't you =ever= blame this on =me=!): First, I think you need to adjust your own view of this relationship. I highly recommend that you reel it back to a friends-with-benefits idea. I've had such relationships with roommates/housemates and when the parting came there was no bad blood between us. While it's clear that you hope for a deeper, long-term relationship, I don't see that happening based on the information at hand.

The two key players in this are YOU and your BEAU. YOU need to take a step back and review the details and determine what's right for you, where things are headed (If they are going anywhere at all), and to suss out an escape plan if things turn sour. Your BEAU needs to stop playing the shade game and work out the issue with the women (GG, 3G,TS, etc.) in his life to determine the best possible scenario for all concerned.

Mind you, I am a pessimistic, fatalistic, heart-broken hermit that can't see any good coming of =any= relationship, so take this last bit with a grain and make up your own mind: If I were you, I'd start apartment hunting.

[Fox]

i joke around alot on here ,so ill be serious on this one...if im dating someone then that is it....she has my attention and nobody else...im not open to let a 3rd party in my life...if a girl wants to be open then we are just fucking and nuthing else...lets keep booty calls , just that..

Quoted For Truth

[Ecstatic]

Sadly, in all likelihood this will not end well for you.

A married man, particularly a married man who professes to
love his wife, will not leave her for you.

Further all of this sneaking and creeping is doing a number on
your self esteem and emotional state.

As painful as it may be, there is only one solution to this problem - leave.

As regards your situation, Sarah, I agree with Peggy: it won't end well. However, as she so succinctly lays it out, the least painful way to end it--for all involved--is for you to leave the situation. B1's friends with benefits idea is appealing, but in this situation, I think only cold turkey will suffice. There has to be honesty and trust between all partners, or there's trouble abrewin'.

Regarding my own preference, I voted for option 1. My situation is, in some ways, similar to yours, but also quite different. I have been married for over 25 years, and love my wife dearly. However, she is for the most part an asexual person: she simply has no interest in sex, and in fact it usually turns her off. I've known this since we met, and she and I (and a few close parties, such as her sister who we're both very close with, and her best friend, who is a psychiatrist) have been over the ground many times. I am a very sexual person, and moreover, bisexual, so even were she actively sexual, there would be something missing in my life. So like your guy and his wife, we have not been sexually active for some time. Yet we kiss and cuddle and do all sorts of things together and love being with one another. In any jurisdiction, this noncompatibility would be grounds for divorce, but I cannot see myself without my wife as my life partner. All that we have together completely eclipses the mere pleasures of sex. But I do love those pleasures, so....

Five years ago she and I talked it through and I discovered that she was absolutely happy for me to see other women: at the time, I was only interested in seeing tgirls, but she even suggested my seeing a GG (I haven't, as it turns out, though I have been with a post-op girl, and other than her personal history, in my mind that's the same thing). In fact, our relationship improved as any undercurrent of resentment on my part or guilt on hers (for not being the wife she's supposed to be) has completely vaporized. But fundamental to this state of affairs is honesty and trust: I've told her about my encounters (with escorts and friends), in as much detail as she wants (which actually isn't much as she doesn't want a lot of detail, just the honesty). She has even met several of my TG friends, including my number one escort friend over dinner 2 or 3 times (they get along just fine, fwiw).

Incidentally, I have not fallen in love with anyone else in nearly 25 years; it did happen once, and I was faced with the dilemna of either sacrificing my marriage for this other woman (GG), or letting her go. There really was no contest in my mind; it hurt to let the other woman go, but she was the other woman--someone who, were I single, could have been a life partner, but no one can challenge that commitment to my wife.