Should You Disclose Your HIV/STD Status to a potential partn

[ARMANIXXX]

I don't see how this poll could end up with anything other than a "yes" answer.

[WendyWilliams]

I agree that most of us would assume the answer would be "yes" however many factors weigh in.

Here is an example for you pertaining to the Adult Industry:

Did you know there are very few ts companies that require and Imean REQUIRE every person to be A.I.M tested whether condom or not. Companies that this is mandatory are Devils, Joey, myself, Joanna, Anabolic

Reason I bring this up was a client in NYC said to me "I prefer to choose only tgirls Ive seen in videos because I know they are required to be tested" When in a utopia this would be great however most internet websites and production companies that shoot with or without condoms still turn a blind eye to mandatory A.I.M testing.............When in reality there are a few ladies shooting for such companies that are positive but shooting because of the lack of mandatory testing.

So that opens a door of should we as producers or internet website companies require testing as the mainstream does.

Now Personal as a friend of quite a few H.I.V positive ladies and guys I do agree with Allanah that the first thing out of thier mouth shouldnt be , Hi I am Jane Doe and I am positive, however it SHOULD be before any physical relationship.

Here is a story I have never told anyone but I think it well shed a light on why I am so for mandatory testing for video and internet work as well as many other opinions on the issue.

In 2000 I met a guy on the internet whom I quickly fell in love with after going back and forth too Florida to meet him and become close I moved too Ft. Lauderdale too purue a relationship with him and moving in with him. He was younger than I at the time I was 24 and he was 21.........Everything was amazing and I truly will say he is the only man I have every loved. I was in the middle of my transition and he was supportive and helped me with everything as he had a very good job. I stopped escorting and though my website was new I stopped shooting with other males and solely became a housewife. After about 7 months of living togethor and a year and half into our relationship I get a phonecall from his doctor one day letting me know to tell **** that he had missed his blood work appointment and I quickly became alarmed NEVER thinking of H.I.V.....He gave me this long story about his physical for work but it didnt sit well with me. Long story short I snooped around until I discovered he was H.I.V positive and had been since he was 19............My world became a mess and everything I thought I knew was a lie..................Sadly the whole time he was trying too infect me because he didnt want to "die alone" in his own words......Though I was primarily the top in the relationship I did bottom several times and though with condoms he would be sneaky and try to take it off which I caught him several times.............In 2002/03 I went into a deep depression moved out and didnt have sex for 6 months being tested EVERY 30 days until I felt comfortable too get back to life.........Once Joanna introduced me too the industry and I moved too L.A I have been tested every 30 days since then and this is for 16 months straight.

So you see this world isnt a utopia and the "YES" we all would assume is a fair cry from expecting everyone to feel the same.

CONDOMS , TESTING, and knowing the FACTS will keep you safe.

Wendy


Here is the official website for A.I.M and I hope you will check it out.
http://www.aim-med.org/

[wombat33]

Should You Disclose Your HIV/STD Status to a Potential Sexual Partner?
By Cathy Olufs
Summer 2002

SOURCE: http://www.thebody.com/wa/summer02/disclosing.html

For many years now, the focus of prevention has been on trying to get society as a whole to adopt condom use as a way of life. Perhaps this approach was successful early in the epidemic, but today the mood has drastically changed. AIDS is no longer perceived by the general public as a "crisis," and many people in the HIV community (after 20 years of being ultra-conscious in their safer-sex practices) have become more relaxed as well. As people live longer with this disease, the focus is on improving quality of life.
A loving, passionate, emotionally and physically satisfying sex life is not something that can be denied to us. It is a fundamental basis of our human nature. Many +/+ couples and even some +/- couples have chosen to practice unprotected sex within the context of a monogamous relationship. This is a very personal choice for them, and comes from doing their own assessment of risk. For two HIV-positive people to have unprotected sex together, obviously the risk of transmitting HIV is not an issue, so the worry here would be more related to transmission of other STDs or "reinfection." (Currently, the jury is still out on the issue of reinfection, so this is arguable). For some +/- couples, particularly where the woman is positive and her male partner is not (or if the sero-different couple happens to be lesbian), the risk of transmission from the woman to the man (or woman to woman) is lower so they may choose to take a calculated risk.

Whether or not a couple practices safer sex is not the issue at hand. What is most relevant, is that they have established a line of communication regarding HIV. The fact that they have disclosed their status to each other before engaging in sex, and educated themselves about their options, is what is most important.

The Dating Scene

For other individuals who are not in an established relationship or are doing the dating scene, disclosing their HIV status to another person is often difficult and requires quite a bit of courage. In a perfect world, of course no one would have HIV or AIDS. In a semi-perfect world everyone who had HIV would:

1. Know their status (because they took the test).

2. Be willing to disclose that to another person (before they have sex with them).

3. Use protection if that person so desires.

Also in this "perfect world," our society would look at a person with HIV no differently than it looks at someone with any other chronic disease. Reducing stigma is key to opening lines of communication.

But hence, we do not live in a perfect world, so we often have to make choices based on instinct, trust, and in some cases, our own conscience.

The Dilemma

Other than an obvious moral and ethical dilemma related to this statement, there are many legal issues that need to be taken into consideration. Before making any judgments ourselves, we must keep in mind the fact that we, as HIV infected individuals must take on a certain level of responsibility if we are ever to stop the spread of HIV in this country. Although there does not appear to be any hard data published regarding the numbers of people here in the US who became infected with HIV from a partner who knew that they were HIV-positive and chose not to disclose, the stories that we hear in the HIV community are astounding. Why do people continue to put others at risk? And, better yet, how can they continue to get away with it?

For the most part, people living with HIV have a very strong sense of the burden that they bear, and are extremely concerned about the possibility of transmitting the disease to someone else. Often, even to the point of depriving themselves of much needed emotional and physical intimacy.

There are a few individuals, for a host of reasons which may consist of selfish desires, economic hardship, denial, drug abuse, or even sociopathic behavior, that throw aside the moral rules of fair play and make a conscious decision not to disclose their status before engaging in unprotected sex.

Legal Ramifications

Currently about 27 states have established criminal penalties for knowingly exposing or transmitting HIV to someone else. In California, the "Willful Exposure" law (although narrowly written and difficult to prosecute), makes exposing someone else to HIV (whether they become infected or not) a felony punishable by up to eight years in prison. In Alabama, you can be prosecuted for "Conducting yourself in manner likely to transmit the disease." (Just the thought of that is scary).

Many of these laws were written early in the epidemic, and were fear driven. Even though we know that HIV is not transmitted in saliva, there are still people sitting in prison for spitting on a police officer. Deciding who should be punished, and for what offense, often lies in the hands of politicians and court systems that base their decisions on old data and personal prejudices.

For HIV-positive women, the scales of justice have been weighted in unfairness since the beginning. Unfortunately in many situations women are still looked upon as "vectors of disease." California was one of the first states to adopt policies of mandatory HIV testing for sex workers, which has in turn, been used to prosecute women for crimes such as attempted murder and manslaughter. There is no such mandate for their male customers.

One thing that furthers this point is the issue of where do some of these men's HIV infections originate. Although women have been blamed from the beginning, there is not much hard data to show how many men really became infected with HIV from sex with a woman. There is no real way to tell if the men are telling the truth about their sexual experiences. We just have to take their word for it. It is much more "macho" and socially acceptable for these men to say that they got it from a prostitute. Again the blame falls back on the women. The ironic part of this whole issue is that time and time again research has shown that it is much more difficult for a woman to transmit the disease to a man (especially in a one-time encounter).

Besides the risk of criminal penalties for putting someone at risk of contracting HIV, there are civil penalties that could be leveled as well. Imagine what a sympathetic jury might do in a case where you failed to disclose your HIV status, and the other person became infected (or perhaps pinned it on you?). What if they infected others in turn? It could get very ugly.

There are emotional repercussions, too. In appealing to those with an altruistic nature (meaning: doing no harm to others), think about how you might feel if the other party became infected by you. Think about how you felt when you were diagnosed.

Risky Business

The bottom line is sex while HIV positive is risky business unless you know where you stand. Learning how to protect yourself and others will save you a lot of heartache, and quite possibly protect you from bigger problems.
Disclosure is not easy for everyone, and in certain situations is not an option (such as where disclosing could cause physical injury to yourself). When considering your options keep in mind: In California, you cannot be prosecuted criminally if you use a condom (whether you disclose your status or not). You cannot be prosecuted criminally for oral sex. Men and women can be prosecuted equally whether on the "top or bottom" for vaginal or anal sex. (The person does not have to become infected by you).

If you tell the other person that you have HIV before insertion, you cannot be prosecuted criminally. It would have to be proven in court that you had "specific intent" to infect the other person in order to be prosecuted criminally. In a civil case, the specifics to which you could be found guilty are much more flexible -- so be careful. Check with your local ASO (AIDS Service Organization) or legal services to find out what the laws are in your area.

Unprotected Sex

Disclosure will continue to be a difficult part of life for many with HIV. In recent times, more and more HIV-positive people have turned to each other for help and support regarding issues of disclosure. Some have chosen to avoid the whole dating scene all together. Many are using Internet chat rooms, support groups, and dating services to meet others like themselves. This is one way to avoid the stress of disclosure and helps build a strong community of people who understand. But keep in mind, it is important in any situation to never assume someone's HIV status. Always talk about it before you have unprotected sex. In addition, don't expect that just because someone is also HIV positive that they will want to have unprotected sex with you.

Club Hell

As we all try to overcome the devastation that HIV has brought on all the different aspects of our lives (particularly our sexual lives) and as we try to move on toward an uncertain future, let's keep in mind a few important facts. We as HIV-positive people are in a very special club, with a very exclusive membership. The price of a membership in our club is almost more than anyone can bear. The initiation into our club is HELL, and once you are in, you can never get out. There are already way too many of us in this club. We have lost so many of our friends along the way, but still people continue to flood through the door. I say, Let's close it off to new memberships now! Let's make sure that we don't inadvertently invite anyone else into the club. OK?
Should you disclose your HIV status? Absolutely! If you are going to have unprotected sex, you must tell. Let's take the necessary steps to protect ourselves and our fellow human beings. Talk to your sexual partners and protect them.

Also another useful link: http://www.aids.org/Factsheets/204-T...-Positive.html
__________________________________________________ _____________________

This has rarely been discussed much within the forum and is infact a sensitive subject matter (no one ever wants to talk about it). I hope everyone in our community doesnt ignore the fact that std's and aids are a real life important issue plaguing not only our community but others as well (gay, african-american, hispanic, poor communities etc.). So I thought Id raise awareness in others by posting this topic.

~Kisses.

HTG

it should be attempted murder or possibly murder if you don't.

[TSCURIOUS]

Hara - if for no other reason - posts like this are great than to constantly remind us of the dangers.

I had a very dear friend that died of HIV - over 10 years ago now. I was in the hospital with him the day before he passed - it is a horrible disease! That being said - he led a life in which we were not at all surprised. He hid his lesions with make-up and I can remember him picking up children, shaking hands, sharing drinks - reckless? This was before we know all we do now about it. He hid it on purpose? His roommate to this day is still negative - how - I don't know.
(Just rambling)

Now, for my personal thoughts - It's up to each person to take ownership of his/her actions. That being said - If you think you need to - GET TESTED and stop everythong until you do! If you think you're in a dangerous spot - get out! And - if you choose to live on the dangerous side - you are a fool!
The big head must prevail here!

No other answer than YES!

[GroobySteven]

H He hid his lesions with make-up and I can remember him picking up children, shaking hands, sharing drinks - reckless? This was before we know all we do now about it.

Not sure of the point you're making here. As we know that you cannot pass it that way, are you saying that he didn't know "back then" if he could pass it like that? I'd never heard of anytime that it was stated it could be transmitted like that.
seancha?

[TSCURIOUS]

Sorry - I should have stressed that that was over 10 years ago 1989-1990 to be more exact, and yes, we did not know we know now. Fortunately, what we know now proved our fears wrong.
Just venting on the loss of a good friends life!
I guess the point would have been better if it was transmittable.
Let me get out while only half my foot is in my mouth!

Now if the snow storm would only go away so I could make it into the city for Sunny's party tonight!
Expecting over 12" starting in about an hour!

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

Youre welcome TSCURIOUS.

Great post Wendy. This is definitely one case where the saying "Ignorance is Bliss" doesnt apply. Anyone is better off knowing if they or their prospective partners have it or not.

~Kisses.

HTG

[kuteguy]

yes ofcourse you should ..
when you say partner .. I guess you mean "relationship"
relationship = trust! and hence you should not break your partner's trust. It's not realistic for them to ask you if a 100 question to ascertain every single thing about you

[amberskyi]

um duh! comes to mind

[Quiet Reflections]

Rise From Your Grave