Should You Disclose Your HIV/STD Status to a potential partn

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

Should You Disclose Your HIV/STD Status to a Potential Sexual Partner?
By Cathy Olufs
Summer 2002

SOURCE: http://www.thebody.com/wa/summer02/disclosing.html

For many years now, the focus of prevention has been on trying to get society as a whole to adopt condom use as a way of life. Perhaps this approach was successful early in the epidemic, but today the mood has drastically changed. AIDS is no longer perceived by the general public as a "crisis," and many people in the HIV community (after 20 years of being ultra-conscious in their safer-sex practices) have become more relaxed as well. As people live longer with this disease, the focus is on improving quality of life.
A loving, passionate, emotionally and physically satisfying sex life is not something that can be denied to us. It is a fundamental basis of our human nature. Many +/+ couples and even some +/- couples have chosen to practice unprotected sex within the context of a monogamous relationship. This is a very personal choice for them, and comes from doing their own assessment of risk. For two HIV-positive people to have unprotected sex together, obviously the risk of transmitting HIV is not an issue, so the worry here would be more related to transmission of other STDs or "reinfection." (Currently, the jury is still out on the issue of reinfection, so this is arguable). For some +/- couples, particularly where the woman is positive and her male partner is not (or if the sero-different couple happens to be lesbian), the risk of transmission from the woman to the man (or woman to woman) is lower so they may choose to take a calculated risk.

Whether or not a couple practices safer sex is not the issue at hand. What is most relevant, is that they have established a line of communication regarding HIV. The fact that they have disclosed their status to each other before engaging in sex, and educated themselves about their options, is what is most important.

The Dating Scene

For other individuals who are not in an established relationship or are doing the dating scene, disclosing their HIV status to another person is often difficult and requires quite a bit of courage. In a perfect world, of course no one would have HIV or AIDS. In a semi-perfect world everyone who had HIV would:

1. Know their status (because they took the test).

2. Be willing to disclose that to another person (before they have sex with them).

3. Use protection if that person so desires.

Also in this "perfect world," our society would look at a person with HIV no differently than it looks at someone with any other chronic disease. Reducing stigma is key to opening lines of communication.

But hence, we do not live in a perfect world, so we often have to make choices based on instinct, trust, and in some cases, our own conscience.

The Dilemma

Other than an obvious moral and ethical dilemma related to this statement, there are many legal issues that need to be taken into consideration. Before making any judgments ourselves, we must keep in mind the fact that we, as HIV infected individuals must take on a certain level of responsibility if we are ever to stop the spread of HIV in this country. Although there does not appear to be any hard data published regarding the numbers of people here in the US who became infected with HIV from a partner who knew that they were HIV-positive and chose not to disclose, the stories that we hear in the HIV community are astounding. Why do people continue to put others at risk? And, better yet, how can they continue to get away with it?

For the most part, people living with HIV have a very strong sense of the burden that they bear, and are extremely concerned about the possibility of transmitting the disease to someone else. Often, even to the point of depriving themselves of much needed emotional and physical intimacy.

There are a few individuals, for a host of reasons which may consist of selfish desires, economic hardship, denial, drug abuse, or even sociopathic behavior, that throw aside the moral rules of fair play and make a conscious decision not to disclose their status before engaging in unprotected sex.

Legal Ramifications

Currently about 27 states have established criminal penalties for knowingly exposing or transmitting HIV to someone else. In California, the "Willful Exposure" law (although narrowly written and difficult to prosecute), makes exposing someone else to HIV (whether they become infected or not) a felony punishable by up to eight years in prison. In Alabama, you can be prosecuted for "Conducting yourself in manner likely to transmit the disease." (Just the thought of that is scary).

Many of these laws were written early in the epidemic, and were fear driven. Even though we know that HIV is not transmitted in saliva, there are still people sitting in prison for spitting on a police officer. Deciding who should be punished, and for what offense, often lies in the hands of politicians and court systems that base their decisions on old data and personal prejudices.

For HIV-positive women, the scales of justice have been weighted in unfairness since the beginning. Unfortunately in many situations women are still looked upon as "vectors of disease." California was one of the first states to adopt policies of mandatory HIV testing for sex workers, which has in turn, been used to prosecute women for crimes such as attempted murder and manslaughter. There is no such mandate for their male customers.

One thing that furthers this point is the issue of where do some of these men's HIV infections originate. Although women have been blamed from the beginning, there is not much hard data to show how many men really became infected with HIV from sex with a woman. There is no real way to tell if the men are telling the truth about their sexual experiences. We just have to take their word for it. It is much more "macho" and socially acceptable for these men to say that they got it from a prostitute. Again the blame falls back on the women. The ironic part of this whole issue is that time and time again research has shown that it is much more difficult for a woman to transmit the disease to a man (especially in a one-time encounter).

Besides the risk of criminal penalties for putting someone at risk of contracting HIV, there are civil penalties that could be leveled as well. Imagine what a sympathetic jury might do in a case where you failed to disclose your HIV status, and the other person became infected (or perhaps pinned it on you?). What if they infected others in turn? It could get very ugly.

There are emotional repercussions, too. In appealing to those with an altruistic nature (meaning: doing no harm to others), think about how you might feel if the other party became infected by you. Think about how you felt when you were diagnosed.

Risky Business

The bottom line is sex while HIV positive is risky business unless you know where you stand. Learning how to protect yourself and others will save you a lot of heartache, and quite possibly protect you from bigger problems.
Disclosure is not easy for everyone, and in certain situations is not an option (such as where disclosing could cause physical injury to yourself). When considering your options keep in mind: In California, you cannot be prosecuted criminally if you use a condom (whether you disclose your status or not). You cannot be prosecuted criminally for oral sex. Men and women can be prosecuted equally whether on the "top or bottom" for vaginal or anal sex. (The person does not have to become infected by you).

If you tell the other person that you have HIV before insertion, you cannot be prosecuted criminally. It would have to be proven in court that you had "specific intent" to infect the other person in order to be prosecuted criminally. In a civil case, the specifics to which you could be found guilty are much more flexible -- so be careful. Check with your local ASO (AIDS Service Organization) or legal services to find out what the laws are in your area.

Unprotected Sex

Disclosure will continue to be a difficult part of life for many with HIV. In recent times, more and more HIV-positive people have turned to each other for help and support regarding issues of disclosure. Some have chosen to avoid the whole dating scene all together. Many are using Internet chat rooms, support groups, and dating services to meet others like themselves. This is one way to avoid the stress of disclosure and helps build a strong community of people who understand. But keep in mind, it is important in any situation to never assume someone's HIV status. Always talk about it before you have unprotected sex. In addition, don't expect that just because someone is also HIV positive that they will want to have unprotected sex with you.

Club Hell

As we all try to overcome the devastation that HIV has brought on all the different aspects of our lives (particularly our sexual lives) and as we try to move on toward an uncertain future, let's keep in mind a few important facts. We as HIV-positive people are in a very special club, with a very exclusive membership. The price of a membership in our club is almost more than anyone can bear. The initiation into our club is HELL, and once you are in, you can never get out. There are already way too many of us in this club. We have lost so many of our friends along the way, but still people continue to flood through the door. I say, Let's close it off to new memberships now! Let's make sure that we don't inadvertently invite anyone else into the club. OK?
Should you disclose your HIV status? Absolutely! If you are going to have unprotected sex, you must tell. Let's take the necessary steps to protect ourselves and our fellow human beings. Talk to your sexual partners and protect them.

Also another useful link: http://www.aids.org/Factsheets/204-T...-Positive.html
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This has rarely been discussed much within the forum and is infact a sensitive subject matter (no one ever wants to talk about it). I hope everyone in our community doesnt ignore the fact that std's and aids are a real life important issue plaguing not only our community but others as well (gay, african-american, hispanic, poor communities etc.). So I thought Id raise awareness in others by posting this topic.

~Kisses.

HTG

[lust4ts]

For me it is a strong yes. The person in question should be allowed to make an informed decision after knowing that the person they are about to intercourse with has HIV, once they know then the risk they are taking is then down to them and completely in there hands.

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

For me it is a strong yes. The person in question should be allowed to make an informed decision after knowing that the person they are about to intercourse with has HIV, once they know then the risk they are taking is then down to them and completely in there hands.

Totally! :P

~Kisses.

HTG

[peggygee]

Should You Disclose Your HIV/STD Status to a Potential Sexual Partner?

For two HIV-positive people to have unprotected sex together, obviously the risk of transmitting HIV is not an issue, so the worry here would be more related to transmission of other STDs or "reinfection."

As might be expected, I have a number of thoughts on this subject.

One that I will share is that I do not feel that two HIV+ individuals
should have unprotected sex, as they would be at risk for potential
infection from different strains of the HIV virus. http://www.avert.org/hivtypes.htm http://www.niaid.nih.gov/factsheets/challvacc.htm

If this is what the author is alluding to when she mentions 'reinfection'
I do feel that is an issue of great concern.

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

I agree with you peggygee. Unprotected sex is like literally playing russian roulette. 26 years since it was first identified in the US aids is now a world wide epidemic. It is said that in the end of 2005 there were 437,982 people were living with AIDS in the USA alone.

44% of which are African-American.
35% are white.
19% are Hispanic.
1% are of other races.

77% of which are men.
65% of women infected are said to have contracted it through heterosexual contact.
33% were from drug use in women. 20% in men.
3% were unknown.

There is about an estimated 1,411 children living with aids all under age 13.
In June 1981, the first cases of what is now known as AIDS were reported in the USA. During the 1980s, there were rapid increases in the number of AIDS cases and deaths of people with AIDS. Cases peaked with the 1993 expansion of the case definition3, and then declined. The most dramatic drops in both cases and deaths began in 1996, with the widespread use of combination antiretroviral therapy.

The rate of decrease in AIDS diagnoses slowed in the late 1990s. After reaching a plateau, the estimated number of diagnoses increased slightly each year from 2001 to 2005, reaching 45,669 in the last year. In total, an estimated 988,376 people have been diagnosed with AIDS.

The number of deaths among people with AIDS has remained relatively stable since 1999; there were an estimated 17,011 deaths in 2005. Since the beginning of the epidemic, an estimated 550,394 people with AIDS have died in the USA.

SOURCE: http://www.avert.org/statsum.htm
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Ive known someone who's infected with hiv and didnt even told his/her partner about it from the begining and now I was told that the guy is also positve for the virus. I think thats just very mean and irresponsible thing to do. So obviously, not everyone who has it are forthcoming with their disease. Its really bothersome. I believe that protecting yourselves is your own responsibilities as well cos no ones going to protect you if you dont do it yourself.

~Kisses.

HTG

[AllanahStarrNYC]

I do think someone should disclose their status if it is positive before sex. I don't think you have to wear a band that says I'm HIV positive- or you have to tell anyone on the first or second date- but for sure before it gets physical, if of course you know your positve status.

Then the other person can make a choice. In today's world this is very much part of the issues we have to deal in the dating world.

BUT, you should always use condoms regardless IMO.

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

its scary and sad that this is even a question...does dr jekyl have to inform his date that he may turn into mr hyde at any moment?

Most of us would say..Its purely common sense (or lack thereof) and yet we all wonder how quickly hiv/aids has rapidly consumed, ravaged and infected so many people all over the globe. Which only means, either of two things. One people dont care about protecting themselves and others for a moment of intimacy and or Two they lack the basic knowledge and access to supplies to prevent it from happening in the first place (especially in very poor and 3rd world countries). Im sure they didnt pray for such plague to get them. Without advanced technologies, people in countries like ethiopia wont even know they already have it. But here in the USA is alot different. There are free clinics one could go to get tested. But not everyone avails of it and avoid knowing the score and still continue to practive unsafe sex (Part of the geist of the thread.. Its about being honest and being responsible.).

Nevertheless, its happening. Not everyone who has "it" are open and forthcoming in telling people they "might" be intimate" with to this day and age.

~Kisses.

HTG

[Cat]

Of fucking course you should

[GroobySteven]

its scary and sad that this is even a question...does dr jekyl have to inform his date that he may turn into mr hyde at any moment? the only point made here that salvages this thread is allanahs point of perhaps not mentioning it well before intimate contact to allow the person to at least make an educated decision about the type of person u are, rather than be stigmatized...

Co-sign - it shouldn't even be a question.
seanchai

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

u cant presuppose 2 scenarios unless ur sure theyre the only 2...and clearly they arent...for starters u dont account for the many people who dont themselves know theyre infected....

Yes J I agree. Then again, who's responsibility is it to find out/get tested wether he/she is infected or not? Its not an excuse to say "Hey, Im terribly sooo sorry. I didnt know I had it." Getting tested is prevention in itself dont you think so he /she could change their ways of being sexually active and irresponsible. :P

~Kisses.

HTG