Why I didn't top and won't do a strap on.

[peggygee]

I will only speak for myself personally.

When I was a pre op I did not top men nor enjoy them
performing oral sex upon me.

I believe this was due to two reasons, the first was that
physically it did not feel good to me.

Inserting my penis in an anus tended to hurt my penis.
And though I had vaginal sex on occasion I found that
also made my penis hurt.

Oral sex performed on me was also painful and uncomfortable.

But for me what far outweighed the physical pain that I
experienced was the perception in my mind that it made
me less feminine, less of a woman.

I guess I subscribed to the traditional role of the women
as the receptive partner.

As I have often stated the mind is the ultimate sexual organ,
thus if it caused discomfort in my mind then my body would
not find the experience pleasurable.

Now as a post op, the mental component remains the same,
in that I feel if I use a strap on with a man that diminishes
my feminity. As well as that fact that a strap on would not
give me any pleasure, unless we are talking about the type
that stimulates the vagina at the same time that it is penetrating
my partner.

Finally, I also feel that my personal insecurities would not allow me
to be with a man that enjoyed being topped as I would always
be fearful that he would be seeking something from others
that I couldn't provide.

Upon analysis, interstingly for all of my willingness to indulge in
a fairly wide variety of sexual experiences on many things it
does indeed appear as if I am fairly inhibited, at least as regards
this area.

I knew this about myself, but thanks everyone for helping me to
articulate it to myself.

[NYCe]

Great post. Keep sharing these insights, lord knows we need them on here.

[Dkg]

That's understadable. I personally have little intrest in being topped, not neccessarily b/c it makes me any less of a man, just b/c I don't think I want someones wang in my ass.

I'm always open to a lot of things so it's not an impossibilty

[drock]

I will only speak for myself personally.

When I was a pre op I did not top men nor enjoy them
performing oral sex upon me.

I believe this was due to two reasons, the first was that
physically it did not feel good to me.

Inserting my penis in an anus tended to hurt my penis.
And though I had vaginal sex on occasion I found that
also made my penis hurt.

Oral sex performed on me was also painful and uncomfortable.

But for me what far outweighed the physical pain that I
experienced was the perception in my mind that it made
me less feminine, less of a woman.

I guess I subscribed to the traditional role of the women
as the receptive partner.

As I have often stated the mind is the ultimate sexual organ,
thus if it caused discomfort in my mind then my body would
not find the experience pleasurable.

Now as a post op, the mental component remains the same,
in that I feel if I use a strap on with a man that diminishes
my feminity. As well as that fact that a strap on would not
give me any pleasure, unless we are talking about the type
that stimulates the vagina at the same time that it is penetrating
my partner.

Finally, I also feel that my personal insecurities would not allow me
to be with a man that enjoyed being topped as I would always
be fearful that he would be seeking something from others
that I couldn't provide.

Upon analysis, interstingly for all of my willingness to indulge in
a fairly wide variety of sexual experiences on many things it
does indeed appear as if I am fairly inhibited, at least as regards
this area.

I knew this about myself, but thanks everyone for helping me to
articulate it to myself.

that's really strange in my opinion.. I think it was all in your head?

[peggygee]

As may be known many girls are not on the best terms
with their penises.

Many was the day or even week that I would avoid contact
with my penis except to wash it during bathing and such.

Upon coming out of the shower I would try not to look in
that area, preferring to as quickly as possible to 'tuck' it
into my panties, where it was out of siight out of mind.

As to sex, as much as possible I would avoid touching
it or having my partner touch it. When I needed to
have a sexual release I would try to have as much
fore-play in other areas so that when I finally did
masturbate to release my contact time was
minimized.

Prior to having the orchiectomy was a difficult time
for me. For before HRT my penis had a mind of it's
own and was fairly large.

With HRT my penis started to behave itself. And with
orchiechtomy the size became somewhat more
manageable. There were no involuntary erections
and the penis and scrotum were easier to tuck.

For those that say that we have thrown our penises away
or chopped them off I would point out that really isn't true.

What has happened is the penis has been turned inside out
forming the lining of my vagina. And my scrotum has been used
for the labia majora - the lips of my vagina. The tip of my penis
the most sensitive part of the penis has become the clitoris.

Thus it was not a destruction or throwing away of something that
has been with you all your life but rather converting it into
something that mentally is not in conflict with how you feel
you should be.

Again, I would like to thank folks for listening. And also I hope that
this will provide some further insight into the minds of women
who feel compelled to SRS.

[peggygee]

Great post. Keep sharing these insights, lord knows we need them on here.

Thanks NYCE, you are always are encouraging, a positive
force.

I think you 'get us'.

[peggygee]

I may have this tatooed on my butt.



"Cause, I ain't too crazy about anything
up the ass either"

Damn post ops, ain't no fucken fun.