'Twas the Night before a Republican Christmas

[chefmike]

'Twas the Night before a Republican Christmas

’Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the land,
not a critic was stirring, for stirring was banned.
A thousand brown prisoners, snug in their cells,
all held without charges or tinsel or bells;

And mamma was wrapped in the national flag,
while we sang “Where there’s never a boast or a brag.”
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the TV I flew like a flash;
I then watched “Survivor” and reruns of “Mash.”
The fireworks, exploding above the new snow,
gave a luster of objects to people below.

When what saw my wondering eyes in the flashes:
a miniature George Bush and eight tiny fascists!
Their jerseys were blue and said “WORLD DOMINATION”;
I knew right away this was not just claymation.

More rapid than eagles the warlords they came,
as the little Bush whistled and called them by name:
“Now, Daschle! now, Ashcroft! Now Strom, don’t relent!
On, Poindexter, Rumsfeld! on Henry and Trent!

To the top of the globe, while the crowd’s at the mall,
now bomb away, bomb away, bomb away all!”
His sack had a war game for each girl and boy;
his pocket, four billion from just Illinois.

Far up on his high seat the driver did mount,
with more massive weapons than Kofi could count.
And then, I heard sounds from away off somewhere,
the booming of bombs that were bursting in air.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
down the chimney old Dick Cheney came with a bound.
He said not a word, nor disclosed his location;
he wiretapped my house in the name of the nation.

Then holding the strings of his little Bush puppet,
he went to the chimney and quickly rose up it.
The sleigh was still running, but Dick didn’t hurry;
gas guzzlers, it seemed, were no longer a worry.

He popped the champagne and exclaimed as he served it,
“The world is now ours, and GOD DAMN, we deserve it!”

[chefmike]

CHENEY'S HUNTING QUAIL IN YOUR TOWN
(Sung to the tune of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town")


You better lay low
You better not push
Better not gripe
Or criticize Bush--
Cheney's hunting quail in your town.


He's making a list,
That's "legal" to tap.
He aint puttin' up with no liberal crap.
Cheney's hunting quail in your town.


He hears you when you're talking!
He knows what's best for you!
If you don't see things his way--
Better change your point of view.
Oh, you better shut up
And lock your front door.
Better not speak
Or question the war.
Cheney's hunting quail in your town.

You better lay low
You better not push
Better not gripe
Or criticize Bush--
Cheney's hunting quail in your town.

[chefmike]

GOD RID US OF REPUBLICANS

(Sung to the tune of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman")


God rid us of Republicans
Who cause us great dismay.
They're finally the minority
Since last Election Day.

They've started wars.
They're oil whores.
And now they have to pay.

With a liberal Pelosi in their way.

Now in their way.

A liberal Pelosi in their way.

[specialk]

well if I wasn't in the Holiday mood before ...I am now!...thanks Chef

[chefmike]

Glad to hear that, specialk. Here's another you might like

Republican Christmas Spirit

'Twas the week before Christmas and all through the House
No bills were passed 'bout which Fox News could grouse;
Tax cuts for the wealthy were passed with great cheer,
So vacations in St. Barts soon would be near;

Katrina kids were nestled all snug in motel beds,
While visions of school and home danced in their heads;

In Iraq our soldiers needed supplies and a plan,
Plus nuclear weapons were being built in Iran;

Gas prices shot up, consumer confidence fell;
Americans feared we were on a fast track to...well...

Wait--- we need a distraction--- something divisive and wily;
A fabrication straight from the mouth of O'Reilly

We can pretend that Christmas is under attack
Hold a vote to save it--- then pat ourselves on the back;

Silent Night, First Noel, Away in the Manger
Wake up Congress, they're in no danger!

This time of year we see Christmas every where we go,
From churches, to homes, to schools, and yes...even Costco;

What we have is an attempt to divide and destroy,
When this is the season to unite us with joy

At Christmas time we're taught to unite,
We don't need a made-up reason to fight

So on O'Reilly, on Hannity, on Coulter, and those right wing blogs;
You should just sit back, relax...have a few egg nogs!

'Tis the holiday season: enjoy it a pinch
With all our real problems, do we honestly need another Grinch?

So to my friends and my colleagues I say with delight,
A merry Christmas to all,

and to Bill O'Reilly...Happy Holidays.