sex as a submissive bottom

[Ponyboy]

One of Rihanna’s songs has the words “I'ma let you be the captain. … I like the way you pull my hair, I like when you tell me, "Move it there". - That is exactly what I feel when I have sex. I like to be told what to do and want my partner to take control.

However, in my last thread on this website, someone suggested I must have low self-esteem but I don’t really know what that means. I know someone who feels superior to other people but they don’t feel good about themselves. By contrast I feel inferior but I feel good about myself. - Which one has low self-esteem?

This is something I have thought about a lot. In fact, one of my first threads on this website was ‘are bottoms inferior to tops?’ Wikipedia says “Roman society viewed the passive role during sexual activity, regardless of gender, to be a sign of submission or inferiority”.

I always feel inferior when someone penetrates my body with their hard cock and I sometimes feel ashamed, but after a few seconds, those feelings disappear and I am left with a wonderful feeling of fulfilment.

I used to know philosophy-type people who would say the key to happiness is losing your ego and bending with the wind. That’s what I feel when someone reminds me I am their bitch - no problem.

I used to link submissiveness to feminity. My nature is feminine. But one evening I was ordered to walk naked in front of a group of men, and one of the men complained. It soon became obvious that he was jealous that I live as a submissive. He was submissive too. Men can be submissive. In fact, some pay to see a dominatrix.

In movies, I always identified with submissive women. For example, I saw one old movie which had a man walk into a brothel. All the hookers were standing around in their underwear, ready to be used. One of the girls walked up to the man and asked him if he wanted to dance and he slapped her face. It was a terrible thing to do, but in the next scene she is dancing with him. Her arms were around him in an emotionally-devoted way and the message was that he could do anything he liked to her. I was so jealous of the hooker.

Many years later, I hired a Tgirl escort. While she went to the toilet, I went into the bedroom and stripped naked. When she joined me in the bedroom, I asked her if she wanted to dance. She said yes, and I put my arms around her in an emotionally-devoted way. However, her hands went straight to my arse. Then she started finger fucking me as we danced. I was the client and she was meant to please me, but she took control and told me to bend over.

Not long later, I had my first relationship with a Tgirl. I offered to be her slave and she said ‘yes’.

When I was thinking of transitioning, I thought about identity a lot. I asked people what they thought of me, and my lovers said they felt superior to me. I asked them to be completely honest and the word ‘stupid’ was mentioned. I was not offended because I sometimes do stupid things. Also, they said many nice things about me, particularly in regard to my physical appearance and the level of pleasure I provided them. They liked me a lot.

I eventually decided identity isn’t important. What is important is relationships. The one question everyone asks themselves before transitioning is ‘will I find love?’ I think that is the only thing that matters.

[rodinuk]

…

However, in my last thread on this website, someone suggested I must have low self-esteem but I don’t really know what that means….

However in your last thread you then said you didn’t have low self-esteem so you must know?

…By the way, I dont lack self-esteem. I actually like to be controlled by other people. However, I often doubt my actions and there are times I think that maybe I submit too much. This was one of those times.

[Ponyboy]

However in your last thread you then said you didn’t have low self-esteem so you must know?

If low self-esteem is about feeling bad about yourself, I dont have it. If it is about how you feel in relation to other people, some people might say I do, but I dont know which definition is right and I dont care. I have thought about it a lot and I dont think it is important. As I said in the end, relationships are the most important thing.