Thoughts on dating someone in the adult business?

[Lorca81]

A survey of 694 respondents, of whom 10.8% said they had done sex work -what about the other 80.2%?

The statistical problem lies in the lack of comprehensive and accurate data, just in the US. Moreover, to calculate the difference you would need complemetary data on 'cis-women' and sex work. I think the problem lies with the assumptions, because there are a worrying number of transgendered Americans -particularly in the under-25 age group- who have multiple problems associated with parental rejection, poor education, homelessness, alcohol and drug abuse, and thus sex work which I suspect is probably common, even if ony casual, with their cis-female cohorts, but to prove it you need data you don't have. I would bet that the proportion of transgendered Americans who do sex work declines with age, so that someone who decides to transition in their 40s is less likely to engage in sex work than someone in their teens or twenties.

Sure, it's a small study. But other sociological surveys have similar findings. Basically every study I've seen found that between that 10% and 15% of trans women have, at some point, engaged in sex work. For comparison, similar studies of cis women find rates of between 2% and 3%. Hence, my use of the word "disproportionate."

To be clear--in case it isn't obvious from my OP--I'm not making any judgments about this reality, because I don't view sex work as a bad thing, per se. Afterall, who am I to judge when someone faces all the challenges you mentioned?

[Lorca81]

I would echo some of the statements above in that I am a very jealous and possessive person and would never be able to be with someone who was even dating someone else let alone a paid sex worker. Girls who are polyamorous are therefore lumped into the same category as girls who are escorts or who do hardcore in my book. Girls who just do solo stuff are fine with me but...

It sounds like your partner being physically intimate with someone else is a deal breaker. What about friendly, flirty or paying attention to someone else?

...The second issue I have with dating a girl in the sex industry is one of attitude and personality. I don't think I would get along with many modern sex workers because based on the persona they present on social media, most do not appear to have a personality that would attract me as I like demure, low-maintenance and submissive girls that are not consumed with their looks. If she is the type of girl that spends $100K a year on clothes and makeup or the type to take 50 photos just to get the perfect picture to flex on instagram rather than savoring the actual moment they are experiencing, it doesn't matter how hot you look or how much your porn may turn me on, I'm just not going to like you as a person...

Well, the persona folks in the business present is often just that, a persona. For example, my ex-wife's internet persona was that of a ditzy, blonde-Barbie, sex kitten. In actual fact, she is an extremely intelligent, emotionally mature, practicable/sensible, hard-working woman. Depending on the context in which you meet someone, of course, getting past that persona can be neigh impossible...

...At the end of the day, I'm 43 and I am not attracting a hot transgirl sex worker who is in her 20s unless they are looking for a daddy-type to take care of them which would also turn me off. Taken together, these weird hangups I have are not a concern but I thought I would share.

I feel you there. Going from a hard-bodied 20-something to a dad-bodied 40-something is quite the experience. Getting old ain't for the faint-of-heart...

[diddyboponTOP]

It sounds like your partner being physically intimate with someone else is a deal breaker. What about friendly, flirty or paying attention to someone else?



Well, the persona folks in the business present is often just that, a persona. For example, my ex-wife's internet persona was that of a ditzy, blonde-Barbie, sex kitten. In actual fact, she is an extremely intelligent, emotionally mature, practicable/sensible, hard-working woman. Depending on the context in which you meet someone, of course, getting past that persona can be neigh impossible...



I feel you there. Going from a hard-bodied 20-something to a dad-bodied 40-something is quite the experience. Getting old ain't for the faint-of-heart...

I have aged very well for being 45 now BUT when I first got in this game I was in my 20s on steroids, Italian, always Tan, I'm hung I was just amazing looking and GGs TS everywhere I went were nuts for me I smashed many GG and TS xxx stars for free I'm still legendary to the older gals in NYC that remember the good ole days BUT while still attractive my teeth aren't as white, I have a flat stomach not a 6 pack I just don't work out much anymore I'm having a very very hard time striking out sometimes, I have my number to a gal at the grocery store a couple of weeks ago never got a call I'm not use to this, I'm very sucidal over it not the not getting a call but it's hit or miss now, from 16 to 36 anyone I wanted a had from Teachers, dancers xxx girls my mom's skin doctor etc, now I have basic girls turning me down sometimes I'm not lying or joking here I can't handle this life of losing my looks it's all I had

[iHeart_PONG]

It sounds like your partner being physically intimate with someone else is a deal breaker. What about friendly, flirty or paying attention to someone else?

I am not into that toxic possessiveness where flirting or having guy friends is an issue for me. A physical relationship with another guy is completely a deal breaker.

Well, the persona folks in the business present is often just that, a persona. For example, my ex-wife's internet persona was that of a ditzy, blonde-Barbie, sex kitten. In actual fact, she is an extremely intelligent, emotionally mature, practicable/sensible, hard-working woman. Depending on the context in which you meet someone, of course, getting past that persona can be neigh impossible...

I agree that girls are not always who they present to be especially when they are trying to market themselves as cock-starved nymphos on SM but at the end of the day, most hot 20-something sex workers are just going to see me as a john. If tomorrow, my wife left me and i was looking to meet a girl, my dating pool would be women closer to my age/status as a well educated, affluent suburbanite dad in his 40s. Women (whether cis- or trans) who would be attracted to me now are not presenting themselves as sex workers do. So even there obviously must be 20-something year old hotties who shoot porn or escort but are highly intelligent and really sweet and demure once you get to know them, there is just no mechanism for me to get to know them...white knight fantasies just don't come true.

I feel you there. Going from a hard-bodied 20-something to a dad-bodied 40-something is quite the experience. Getting old ain't for the faint-of-heart...

I'm 43 and I have a 5 year and 2 year old. When I drop my kids off at school, half of the moms are hot 20-somethings and I know they look at me like the odd old dude with one foot in the grave and these are not women who are necessarily looking to hook up. No matter how good I look today, I am not the man I was in my 20s nor am I going to like to do the same things. If I can't attract an established suburbanite mom in her 20s, I'm not attracting a hot sex worker in her 20s. All hot girls in their 20s want to do all the things I have already done years ago.

Simply put, I know that 99% of the girls I jerk off too are just not girls I am going to date be it age, attitude, their profession or any number of my hangups. Where I think my perspective gets complicated is if I were to contemplate dating a retired sex worker or an older girl who may be a solo performer/cam model but doesn't do hardcore. I am honestly not sure if I could then either. I don't expect a girl to be virginal because all girls end up with some sort of history but let's just say you met a girl who never worked in porn or escorted but had fucked 50 guys in her life. Would that turn you off? It would definitely turn me off whether she was paid or just liked to fuck.

In the end, I don't want to sound judgmental in that I look at girls in the sex industry negatively. On the contrary, I appreciate the fact that they choose to work in it and provide me with entertainment. I just know that my preferences don't lend well to attracting a modern transgirl especially one 20 years younger than me or one looking to get paid for what they look like.

[scroller]

Sure, it's a small study.

- It is not a small study.
- 694 was the number of people who said they do sex work.
- 6,400 is the actual number of survey respondents (one of the errors by Stavros)
- Statistically these count as extremely large sample sizes.
- Per the report: "To date, it remains the largest reported survey of transgender people in the US."
- Statistical science counts even a sample size of 30 as "large", because that's all it takes to make highly dependable predictions to a larger population of any size.

Criticizing huge sample sizes (like 6,400) as "small" is the single dumbest thing people say about statistics.

This is Statistics 101.

[Stavros]

- It is not a small study.
- 694 was the number of people who said they do sex work.
- 6,400 is the actual number of survey respondents (one of the errors by Stavros)
- Statistically these count as extremely large sample sizes.
- Per the report: "To date, it remains the largest reported survey of transgender people in the US."
- Statistical science counts even a sample size of 30 as "large", because that's all it takes to make highly dependable predictions to a larger population of any size.

Criticizing huge sample sizes (like 6,400) as "small" is the single dumbest thing people say about statistics.

This is Statistics 101.

The key point is whether the proportion of respondents in the survey who have engaged in sex work proves a disproportionate number of Transgendered Americans do sex work compared to cis-women. You need comparable surveys of both to reach a conclusion. There is also the problem of defining 'transgender' if self-identification rather than an 'objective' means of arriving at a meaningful understanding of the word.

Do cam shows constitute sex work? On one level, yes, but it is not an interaction that requires person-to-person contact, so it is quite different from what most people think, or used to think sex work is. It may also be the case that a relationship is easier to sustain if the sex work is done on cam, and the performer never meets her customers, it may even be encouraged as a source of income for the household.

I am not denying the vaidity of the original propostion, I am just not satisfied the available statistics, now nearly seven years old, prove the point in the OP.

[gaysian71]

I would date someone in the adult entertainment business. The only problem is I have not had the chance to meet many. The only one I've ever met was Yasmin Lee. But that was a long time ago and the only reason I had a chance to talk with her was because I was with my girlfriend. But the whole time I was talking with her, all I could think about was having sex with her hahaha. That was rude, I know. But when you are talking with someone in the industry, all you can really think about is having sex, especially when it's with someone as hot as Yasmin.

[corbindallas]

I don't think saying trans women are disproportionately involved in this kind of work is a controversial statement. You have a population of people that is disproportionately marginalized in society, unable to be their true selves in many sub-cultures, let alone western culture at large (and just consider the less accepting places in the world). Just from a common sense perspective you can see how this would lead a given population to more fringe style work.

I don't get why people get their panties in a bunch by stating something so clearly prevalent. It's not some indictment on trans people to suggest the truth. Rather it undermines the entirety of their situation, which doesn't help.

[corbindallas]

Now as to the question if I would date someone who was at some pt in the industry: sure.

Would I date someone actively in the industry? Only if it was solo pornography I think. I've dated gals who have done porn but none that were currently involved in it.

I don't begrudge anyone their preference in the matter. It's entirely personal, and you'd be justified in whatever your decision was.

[Lorca81]

The key point is whether the proportion of respondents in the survey who have engaged in sex work proves a disproportionate number of Transgendered Americans do sex work compared to cis-women. You need comparable surveys of both to reach a conclusion. ... .

There are many statistical sociological studies regarding sex work among cis women. Those studies consistently show the rate to be about 1% of survey samples. So, a study finding a rate of 10 to 11% among trans women indicates the rate is much higher among them. Hence, my original use o the word "disproportionate."

Do cam shows constitute sex work? On one level, yes, but it is not an interaction that requires person-to-person contact, so it is quite different from what most people think, or used to think sex work is. It may also be the case that a relationship is easier to sustain if the sex work is done on cam, and the performer never meets her customers, it may even be encouraged as a source of income for the household.

Erotic nude, cam shows, stripping, etc. are generally considered to fall under the umbrella term of sex work among those who advocate for sex workers. However, IIRC, the study I linked defined sex work more narrowly payment for engaging in sex.

I am not denying the vaidity of the original propostion, I am just not satisfied the available statistics, now nearly seven years old, prove the point in the OP.

Issues relating to or affecting the lives of transgender people -- health, life expectancy, educational outcomes, employment, housing, etc. -- are highly neglected by the government and academia. That study is the biggest and best I've found, albeit a bit old. But I see no reason to think much has changed in the last decade.