self awareness, transitioning, and I learned a lesson

[Ponyboy]

This website is largely about re-newed identities, admiring people who have gone through the process of transition. To do this, we need a strong sense of our true identity, and I wonder if we really truly know ourselves. Im not saying everyone is the same but for me, the transitioning question was one of self examination.

When I was considering transitioning, I knew some Tgirls that I thought were over the top. They would put on effeminate hand movements that exagerated their feminity. I thought they were just attracting attention to themselves. They were prima donnas. GGs dont act like that.

I swore if I transitioned I would NEVER act like that. I disliked it immensely.

However, around the same time, I knew a girl who I always called pretty so she thought I was a normal male, but she would sometimes tease me by supposedly immitating me but she did it with effeminate hand movements. I couldnt undertsand why she acted that way.

Then one day, I was putting clothes on the washing-line and I had some ballet music in my head (Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake) and I suddenly noticed that I was doing feminine ballet moves as I reached for the clothes. This stunned me. It wasnt just the fact that I was doing the moves, but that I didnt know I was doing them.

I couldnt believe that I had such poor self-awareness. This truly hit me and I spent the next hour just staring at the blank TV screen trying to figure out what it meant. - Did I act like that at work? What else didnt I know about myself?

Yesterday I saw the pretty girl again and she started imitating me with effeminate hand movements, but this time she was copying me as I did it, and I noticed my hands were in the air in an effeminate posture.

I do the things I disliked in the Tgirls. At first, I tried to justify it by noting that my movements were more graceful and delicate, and there was never any aggression in my movements, but does it matter.

It taught me a lesson about judging other people. And I wonder if we really do know ourselves.

[holzz]

Poeple think there isn't cattiness, negativity, or prejudice in oppressed communities. there is, because trans people like cis people are human.
it's a shame - but such is life.
the fact some gays hate trans, or some trans hate gays, or some trans are racist (or say racist stuff like certain well-known porn stars.....), some post-op trans hate non-ops, etc.
humans are a naturally contentious species, it seems.