Bad Sex Awards 2017

[Stavros]

The Literary Review has announced the winner of this year's Bad Sex Awards. The winning passage is open to scrutiny below, followed by some other examples and links.

Winner: Christopher Bollen: The Destroyers:
'The judges of the Bad Sex in Fiction Award were swayed by a scene involving The Destroyers’ protagonist, Ian, and his former girlfriend on the island of Patmos, where their relationship has been rekindled: “She covers her breasts with her swimsuit. The rest of her remains so delectably exposed. The skin along her arms and shoulders are different shades of tan like water stains in a bathtub. Her face and vagina are competing for my attention, so I glance down at the billiard rack of my penis and testicles" '.

"Among the other shortlisted books were The Seventh Function of Language by Prix Goncourt winner Laurent Binet
(“Bianca grabs Simon’s dick, which is hot and hard as if it’s just come out of a steel forge, and connects it to her mouth-machine”);
Venetia Welby’s Mother of Darkness
(“The green grass curls around Tera’s left breast as she curves her sleek physique around Matty’s diabolical torso like a vine. Paralysed, complete, the marble statue of the lovers allows itself to be painted by the dawn’s lurid orange spillage”);
and War Cry by Wilbur Smith
(“He kissed her and she responded and the boundaries between them blurred, like two watercolours on a piece of paper, joining as one to create something entirely new”)."

https://literaryreview.co.uk/bad-sex-in-fiction-award

This hilarious passage is also in the book listed above, by Binet-

"He puts his hands on Bianca’s shoulders and slips off her low-cut top. Suddenly inspired, he whispers into her ear, as if to himself: ‘I desire the landscape that is enveloped in this woman, a landscape I do not know but that I can feel, and until I have unfolded that landscape, I will not be happy…’ Bianca shivers with pleasure. Simon whispers to her with an authority that he has never felt before: ‘Let’s construct an assemblage.’"
http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-en...-a8075556.html

[Laphroaig]

Should have given it to this "review"...


http://www.hungangels.com/vboard/sho...=1#post1776380

[Stavros]

Should have given it to this "review"...
http://www.hungangels.com/vboard/sho...=1#post1776380

Stunning! I didn't see this before, so thanks. What a world we live in!

[broncofan]

Salmon of knowledge drink from the pools of her eyes? He does know salmon live in water, they don't go places to drink...they actually breathe in water, and swim in it. Strange. Not the only issue obviously..

[bluesoul]

that guy gets my full commendations just for reference. there was another guy who did the whole akhenhaten shtick. and it was really good.

i always wonder how these guys get to porn forums, but i guess it brings us all closer. we're all more alike than we think.

[Laphroaig]

Stunning! I didn't see this before, so thanks. What a world we live in!

It's my nomination for HA post of the year. Totally hilarious...

[Stavros]

It's my nomination for HA post of the year. Totally hilarious...

'Post of the year' is an interesting proposition, not sure if Steven is in favour of it, or whether or not there is a prize for it...

[Laphroaig]

'Post of the year' is an interesting proposition, not sure if Steven is in favour of it, or whether or not there is a prize for it...

There's enough arguments on here already...