No, I Don't Have To Tell You I'm Trans Before Dating You

[diddyboponTOP]

Yes they should have to tell someone
We still live in a world where many men will actually kill them for such a trick

[nitron]

-++Retroboy.....you answered your own question with the Blair video, that's beautiful.
....TsRedVex///// U'r approach is definitely the best and Blair's argument at it's logical conclusion.
.....SJW's ........sure go ahead don't tell, of course they should take what you give them, take chances, you go girl...

[retroboy]

This is why transgender people need to disclose before being sexual.

[trish]

Men should have to tell if you if they're killers or not before you date them - don't you agree?

[Samui]

If you are dumb enough to date someone you do not know, then don't get upset when it turns out your date is trans.

Why would one "date" anyone they don't know?

So they can get to know them because they found them endearing for a multitude of possible reasons. i.e. the major point and impetus of dating. Grats on being a total mental midget.

[Aticus100]

So I'm dating a transgender girl and we were seeing each other for a couple of weeks before she told me she was trans.
Took a little getting my head round but had decided I liked her so much by then that it was wasn't the most important thing to me.
The thing is, at the time I had no experience or knowledge of trans girls and if I had known would probably not have been interested.
Did I feel tricked? No.
Did she deliberately keep the truth from me until she knew I had fallen for her a little? Yes.
Am I glad she did? Oh hell yes!!!

[lerfdunner]

I think it should be disclosed before anything gets too serious, there was a recent article about a guy stabbing a transgender lady 119 times after finding out. It should be disclosed for her own safety. I'm not justifying the attacks, but it does happen. Not every guy is gonna go stabbing, but still.

On the other less-life threatening hand, it could be emotional pain, she could reveal the truth after they both find a deep connection, but then he breaks up with her because it's just not something he wants - which is perfectly fair. Also he might feel betrayed as she's kept this from him, what else is she keeping etc.? Then both parties are hurt, no one wins.

[kmersh]

I met my Wife about a year and a half ago and she is trans.

However, she did write about it on her internet profile, nor did she tell me during our conversations prior to meeting in person.

In fact, it was only after we were saying Goodbye for the night did she tell me. Honestly, while I enjoy visiting this site, I never expected to actually meet someone in real life who is trans as it was always something for the internet space and honestly not even that sexual for me.

I almost said that I was not cool with it, but I thought better of it as we had a truly amazing conversation and actually were the last customers to leave the restaurant.

In the end, I am glad that she didn't tell me at first as I might have said no, but by not knowing at first, I was able to get to know her and realize that it doesn't make any difference.

Granted, each situation is unique.

[onmykneeslee]

yes. And she is free to ask me anything and i will answer. But if you have or had a penis is a big deal to many. And should be. Honesty people.

[trish]

I had a friend in college who was infertile due to developmental disorder. She was very pretty, sexually active and, as many girls her age, was looking for Mr. Right. Did she immediately tell every man she went out on a date with about her issue? Of course not. Is there any point if it becomes clear the relationship won’t make it past two or three dates? The question for her was, how serious could she allow the relationship to go before she informed the man of her condition?

I always felt a special empathy for her because my situation was not dissimilar to hers. Suppose a man is interested in you. He strikes up a conversation. You find you have similar interests. You can easily rift and opine on each others stories. You find you are attracted to each. So after an hour or so the man says, “Would you like to have diner this evening?” How do you respond? “Sure but you should know I’m transgender,”? This was at a time in my life when passing was everything. I didn’t (and still don’t) want to reveal to every stranger my more intimate secrets; and although we got along and liked each other for the last hour this man is still a stranger - at this stage could I trust him to keep the things I tell him about myself to himself? Of course not.

Of course I have a dick and my friend has a vagina. She could probably have married a guy without him knowing about her condition. That (imo) would’ve been unethical. (She didn’t btw). A transgender woman with vaginoplasty could perhaps do the same - again unethical. There’s a point when you need to tell, but when?
For me the question wasn’t about marriage or children. It was just about sex. It would be pretty rude of me spring my boner on a unsuspecting guy two minutes before we about to tumble into the sack. The question is still, “How serious do I let the relationship get before I tell him?” The answer is probably before we have sex, but how do I know when that’s going to happen - nobody sets a date for that. So sometimes accidents happen. Rarely for me, but were times when it was just to late and the moment arrived. Once the guy was very polite, made his excuses, apologized and left. Once the guy screamed at me, and punched me the stomach.

There was another time when I got cut. I told this story in a thread on HA ages ago. I was out with some girlfriends one evening we decided to go a bar - there was only one and it was a dive. We all got a bit tipsy and some guys came over to our table to chat us up. There was a juke box and they wanted to dance. I saw no harm in that. However, my partner turned out to be an octopus. I kept pulling his hands off me. “This is definitely going the last dance,” I thought when suddenly I felt his hand grab me where only reality-tv-hosts get to grab. At first we were both in shock. Then he started shouting to the whole joint that I was a man. Before I knew it he had knife in his hand and arm had been opened up (required stitches but nothing serious). The bouncer and the bartender intervened and my friends got me out of there. So should you tell someone you’re transgender before you accept a dance? Of course not.

People have got to learn to be civil even as we all have to be wary that some people are just unreasonable, ignorant jerks.

The targets of violence are not responsible for the violence done to them. It is not our duty to deflect it by adding even more tedium to our lives. “Is my dress too provocative?” “Should I tell I’m transgender before he buys me that coffee?” Those of us who claim we live in a civilized society have a duty to support civilized norms. We can start by blaming the perpetrators of violence and not the people they violate.