No, I Don't Have To Tell You I'm Trans Before Dating You

[natina]

[trish]

To UserLunatic: It’s just a date. Duty hardly applies. I know some guys like to think every date is a prelude to romance and/or sex, but it just isn’t so. You make dates with friends and people you think you may like have as friends. Neither you nor I are obligated to reveal our martial status just to make or accept a date - perhaps if and when we sense the relationship may become romantic - but it would be presumptuous of me to suppose such a thing before you even asked me out.

I don’t need to know if you’re a virgin nor do I need to know your dick size, or whether you’ve got a STD: not until it looks like our interest in each other is becoming sexual - then I’ll want to know - and that's when I'll tell you I'm trans.

To spankrod: Nietzsche, was speaking about the monsters in your (his) own psyche, not the ones you may encounter by chance if your behavior falls short of prudent. (I'm not sure Nietzsche would always advise prudence - in the modern sense of the word.)

Once again: The targets of violence are not responsible for the violence done to them. It is not our duty to deflect it by adding even more tedium to our lives. “Is my dress too provocative?” “Should I tell I’m transgender before he buys me that coffee?” Those of us who claim we live in a civilized society have a duty to support civilized norms. We can start by blaming the perpetrators of violence and not the people they violate.

[Gillian]

Those of us who claim we live in a civilized society have a duty to support civilized norms. We can start by blaming the perpetrators of violence and not the people they violate.

Hear, hear ...

[fred41]

When you try to hide the fact you are married you are, first and foremost, violating the trust of the person you are married to. Everything else is secondary. There is usually no harm to the person who admits to being married upfront other than the possibility of the date ending. Not the same risk level as a passable transgender person disclosing her status up front.

The STD example Trish gave is a much better comparison. If a lady with a persistent case of genital herpes were to go on a date she would, of course, be obligated to bring up her status before sex...but only then. The risk to her of disclosing this information simply to share a coffee or a meal is way too high. As has been stated, way too many people confuse hookups with a simple date.

A person that stabs someone in the face 119 times or smashes a girls head into the sidewalk until it's pulp, simply because of a (not always) late reveal, is an animal that has no control of his impulses and will probably commit other acts of assault in a lifetime.

I kind of understand why a person would suggest that a lady disclose her TS status for her own protection, if that is really the worry...But the tone in some posts suggest that acts of violence other than for physical defense are still justifiable. They are not. Also people think they have an absolute right to know everything about an individual upfront...they don't. If you've lived on this planet long enough, trust me, you will eventually have something you don't want to reveal upfront simply because you agree to meeting someone at a Starbucks...unless that is your choice. Absolute sincerity about everything you do can become refreshing in life, but to a younger person - with all of life's insecurities, it can also be devastating.

[retroboy]

http://www.tmz.com/2017/07/30/charla...ro3?adid=hero3

[retroboy]

[SanDiegoPervySage]

They should be held accountable because they, mainly CTG, was instigating(that's what he does) and trying to get that reaction out of him. It's not like it was Lil Duval went on a long unanswered rant. Not saying something should or shouldn't happen, but they do need to own it.

[natina]

No comment on this as of yet?

[alpha2117]

I think it's fairly simple - yes.

A recent survey said 20% of people have broken up with someone about their political views. So if you are getting that sort of number about something not directly related to the relationship then something as fundamental as gender and gender identity has the potential for a much greater effect.

Sure there are a lot of arguments about how a trans woman wants to just be treated as a woman and how they don't need to tell a guy till it gets serious but the arguments for telling someone up front are just so much stronger

1 - For some guys it's a deal breaker no matter what - so why should a girl date someone if it's going to end badly. If she develops feelings for someone who then outight rejects her because of her gender identity then that's adding another level of pain to something that already can be painful (a break-up)

2- The potential for violence - sadly some guys will act in a physically aggressive manner if they think they have been tricked. It's stupid but mankind as a species does a lot of stupid things.

3 - People don't like to feel deceived. So if a girl dates someone and after a period of time reveals her background the guy could feel deceived and even if it was a good relationship that perception could then sour it. A potentially successful relationship could end purely because the trust needed to maintain it is gone.

4 - Everyone tries to put their best face out there when dating and hides some of their flaws but not disclosing such a fundamental element of you is rarely going to improve the chances of dating success. If a girl is open then she's sent a few clear messages to the guy and she's going to get some clear messages back - she's sent the message that's she's comfortable with who she is and likes him enough to tell him the truth and if he is still interested in her then he's sent a message that he's comfortable with who she is and that he likes her enough to accept something others might not. The guy still might turn out to be a jerk or the relationship might fail anyway (as most do) but at least the girl has a reasonable amount of certainty that the person she's going to date is at least willing to accept her for who she is now rather than who she was at birth. There's no stress or pressure of trying to work out when to let someone know if it's already out there.

[sweetcream]

very well written alpha, up front about it , and if the guys a dousche,than its done and over with