No, I Don't Have To Tell You I'm Trans Before Dating You

[trish]

1 - For some guys it's a deal breaker no matter what - so why should a girl date someone if it's going to end badly. If she develops feelings for someone who then outight rejects her because of her gender identity then that's adding another level of pain to something that already can be painful (a break-up)

If by date you mean to explore a relationship with an end toward romance or sex, then we probably agree that it's probably best for everyone to reveal their cards before things progress to far. Generally however, making a date to meet someone for a coffee or to see a movie or to take in a game isn't a prelude to sex or romance. There are many other reasons why people might enjoy each others company. It seems rather bizarre to me to decline an invitation to spend a little time with someone on the grounds it might lead to a romance and they don't know yet that I'm trans.

2- The potential for violence - sadly some guys will act in a physically aggressive manner if they think they have been tricked. It's stupid but mankind as a species does a lot of stupid things.

It's always wise to be prudent, but it's not an obligation or a duty to be prudent. The obligation we have to each other is to refrain from violence. It's not my fault, if a guy blows up at me, hits me, cuts me or kills me. It's his fault. “Those of us who claim we live in a civilized society have a duty to support civilized norms. We can start by blaming the perpetrators of violence and not the people they violate.”

3 - People don't like to feel deceived. So if a girl dates someone and after a period of time reveals her background the guy could feel deceived and even if it was a good relationship that perception could then sour it. A potentially successful relationship could end purely because the trust needed to maintain it is gone.

I think the premise of this scenario is the two “daters” have been romantically involved for some time. In that case, I would agree the time is probably ripe for the two of them to reveal to each other a little bit about their sexual pasts, their hangups, their expectations and yes to reveal whether or not one or the other is trans. However, if the two have been involved for a “period of time” (as you say) and if they haven’t already had sex, then I would think the direction of this relationship is already in question. Perhaps he’s terminally shy, or only interested in her mind

4 -

We’re back to the issue of prudence again, which I already addressed. It’s prudent to be prudent, but prudence isn’t a duty nor an obligation. Someone is not blameworthy, not even a little bit, if they were less than prudent. I understand that you’re only advising prudence, but so many people in this society twist the language of caution and take it as an invitation to deride and cast blame; e.g. “She’s was asking for it.”

We girls know all about caution. We don’t need more men telling us to be careful. We’d rather instead that you deride the violence against us than advise more caution.

Consider 5- You make a date to play pool with a friend. Later you had some drinks. The next week you called him ‘cause you had two tickets to a Reds game and you’re both fans. A few days later, by coincidence, you saw him on the links and arranged to have lunch at the clubhouse afterward. That’s when you decide to make the pool game a weekly thing - Wednesdays at 7:00PM. It’s a regular date. Should your friend tell you that he’s a FTM trans? Of course not. Not unless you both had the sense that sex was not to far down the road, or that you were becoming romantically involved with each other. Would it make any difference in this story if I made your friend a MTF trans? It shouldn’t.

I have lots of friends I do things with, men and women. Sometimes one-on-one. Somethings in groups. Some of them know I’m trans and some of them don’t. If we’re friends long enough you’ll probably find out and we’ll laugh about how surprised (or not surprised) you are. But the point is this: there are things you can do with other people (even on a one-to-one basis) besides pitch woo. Of all the friends I meet socially and do things with (go to concerts, games, and gallery openings with) only one is my lover. The rest don’t need to know anything about my sexuality. Usually a new friend will find out I have a lover before they find out I’m trans: but not because it’s my duty to tell them that I have a lover or anything else, but because that’s just the sort of thing that comes up in most casual conversations. Dates are not exclusively for lovers or potential lovers. Expand your horizons. Make time for a multitude of people.

[dakota87]

You shouldn't have to...but the real world is what it is.

[simonisthebest]

didnt dating is about honesty & trust ? what the hell u want to hide the fact u a trans to some guy who may think u a GG, this is dangerous

at this point all trans should just go on dating site where we already know they are trans

[MrFanti]

dating is about honesty & trust ?

And there you go!

[trish]

You insist we reveal our deepest intimacies to a person we're just getting to know, because dating is about honesty and trust and at the same time you tell us we need to be wary of our date because we can't trust his reaction to be benign.

[fred41]

didnt dating is about honesty & trust ?

And there you go!

Yup, you're absolutely right.
So I suppose you guys and everyone on here, will immediately tell a hot GG you are on a first date with, that you have a sexual proclivity towards transsexuals.
...or worse - have fucked a few...
...or worse - have either also been occasionally fucked by them or at a minimum...sucked a few cocks.
because I think a girl might definitely want to know that.
because isn't dating about honesty?

...hell, how many people that want transgender folks to fess up immediately still haven't told anyone they know, or are fucking, about their secret?

[SXFX]

if you like dating TS women you are a "chaser" and automatically not in the running....
but if you say you don't like to date TS women you are not wanted and she wants you to only desire her for her mind.....


this is the level of crazy GG women have and i see how it's bleeding over to TS dating.

[MrFanti]

You insist we reveal our deepest intimacies to a person we're just getting to know, because dating is about honesty and trust and at the same time you tell us we need to be wary of our date because we can't trust his reaction to be benign.

It's not too uncommon when chatting/dating online for a person to reveal their race for acceptability prior going deeper in the relationship....

[retroboy]

[alpha2117]

Trish - I understand your points.

My take on the word "dating" is that it's meant for romantic purposes. Hanging out with friends is different, if you are just friends then gender is irrelevant. My advice/opinion is purely based on romantic dating. In the case of romantic dating not disclosing huge potentially deal breaking revelations fairly early in the relationship is a recipe for disaster. It's no doubt difficult for transgender people anyway - dating is hard enough for anyone without any extra "complications" (it's hard to find the right word - I don't want to make it seem like transgender is a negative - it just complicates things for some people if you know what I mean).