New Story: Emotional Perespective Part Four The Cocnclusion
At last, I've finally completed this story that soon snowballed into something much bigger than I initially expected.
Anyway, for those who have been reading, I hope the story has a satisfying conclusion and this is a lot more positive than part three!
7. Metamorphosis
I received a pleasant surprise the following Friday night when Kirsten unexpectedly knocked on my door.
“What are you doing here?” I asked excitedly as we greeted each other with a quick hug.
“Well…I was worried about you when you called the other night so I thought I’d see how you were…”
“Kirsten!” I said. “You needn’t have done that, finals are coming up, you should be spending these last few weeks studying…I appreciate you coming all this way, I love you for it, but you can’t afford to lose time now, it’s your future…!”
“Yes, mom” she responded as we headed to the kitchen to grab our customary soda.
“Actually, you’re doing me a favour”, she said “I’m all studied out so you gave me a good opportunity to take a weekend break and unwind a bit, recharge my batteries…”
“And how many batteries does it take?”, I joked.
“Hey, that’s personal!” she shrieked in mock outrage before adding “…two AA’s…”
We giggled and I touched her shoulder before confessing “I am glad to see you…thanks for coming…”
“Are you sure you’re okay…?”
“Yeah, just got a little…dunno, depressed, lonely, y’know…I shouldn’t have called really…” I was too ashamed to tell Kirsten about Foxxfan, which is probably my worst moment…I’ve never spoken to her about him.
“I’m glad you did. C’mon, fill me in on the latest local gossip…”
Kirsten spent the weekend hanging out with her mom and myself before heading back for her final few weeks of tuition on Sunday evening. My own courses were also ending in a few weeks and although the bookstore had already confirmed I could go full time after I finished college, I had begun applying for other jobs in the meantime. My art tuition wasn’t as successful as I had expected: I was never comfortable with paint but never really had the opportunity to explore it on the course as most illustration is done digitally now. I was doing okay but not as well as I had hoped. However, I was sailing through my English classes and had started looking more at a literary rather than artistic career at that point.
I had mailed off a few applications but really had my hopes set on a job with a small local agency and had handed an application in for a proofreading the previous Saturday, hours before my disastrous encounter with Foxxfan. Being Saturday, the office was empty except for one office junior who was left in charge for the four hours it was open. She was friendly and we had a brief conversation as we talked about the job.
Two weeks later, I was contacted for an interview, subsequently recalled for a second interview and ultimately hired two weeks before I finished college. Although the pay was low, there were many opportunities and I enjoyed the work. I go ont well with the five-person team and would eventually become quite friendly with the girl who I had handed my initial application in to. Her name was Lena, a Swedish girl who had studied at Oxford (thus perfecting an almost perfect-sounding precise English accent) but moved here following her studies. Kirsten had moved back to our town (but into her own apartment) by this time and we usually had lunch together once or twice a week, so I would usually go to lunch with Lena on the other days. Sometimes we’d go for a quick drink after work on a Friday and occasionally she would come along for a movie or a night clubbing with Kirsten, the girls and myself.
Lena volunteered herself as a companion when I wanted to see the anime Spirited Away but was having difficulty finding anybody willing to see a late-night screening of a Japanese animated movie with me. I ultimately ended up enjoying the movie more than Lena but it was a fun night and we were talking as usual as I drove her home. As I pulled up, I thanked her again for coming along.
“No, that’s fine”, she smiled as she unfastened her seatbelt. “I was happy to...”
“Okay...see you tomorrow at work then?”
She nodded happily, looked at me for a second…then moved in towards me and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. She pulled back, looking at my face to gauge my reaction. I wasn’t offended but surprised so just looked at her blankly. The lack of outrage must have been the signal she was waiting for as she shifted in her seat, put her hand to my face and moved in to kiss me again, this time deeper than before. I closed my eyes as our open lips met, tongues caressing as I felt her hand sit gently on my knee, just below the hem of my skirt. My hand gently squeezed hers as we continued to kiss before she eventually broke away, smiling as she rested her forehead against mine and looked into my eyes.
“I’ll see you tomorrow”, she said softly as she stroked my chin and gave me a final quick farewell kiss. She got out of the car and waved back at me, smiling as she went up the stairs into her apartment. I sat stunned for a moment then shifted into gear and drove home.
I was nervous going in to work the next day, as I still hadn’t managed to get my head around the night before. Lena had become my closest friend after Kirsten but while I wasn’t infatuated with her as I was with Emma, I have to admit to an attraction to her. She was warm, fun, intelligent and gifted with a stunningly pretty face and a gorgeous figure, so pretty much the whole package…but I’d never thought about anything happening between us. On the other hand, she had never indicated any lesbian tendencies before…did she think I was a genetic girl or had she realised (or been told) that I was trans?
She was already in the office when I arrived, along with two other colleagues. She smiled and said good morning as usual and the morning progressed as any other. I could feel the kiss hanging between us but never found the opportunity to broach it. Eventually, Lena asked if I wanted to do lunch and I agreed. We made our way to a local café and ordered a sandwich and fries each before I finally raised the subject of the kiss.
“So…last night…”I said nervously.
“Yes, last night” she replied as she smiled sweetly, holding my gaze.
“Um…what was…why did you kiss me?”
“Did you mind?”
“No”, I admitted. “No, it was…it was nice…”
Her hand reached across the table to hold mine. “Then there’s nothing to worry about, is there?”
“Well, no, I suppose not…”
“Good!”, she beamed. “So, wanted to borrow the new Jodi Piccoult novel from me, right? I forgot to bring it in for you…but you could come around tonight if you want to collect it…”
I knew full well what she wanted me to go to her apartment for…and was quite excited by the prospect. I agreed and as we discussed calling in straight from work (neither of us acknowledging what we both knew to be a shameless ruse!), we decided instead to go home to freshen up before heading out for a bite to eat and oh yeah, ‘picking up the book’.
After an afternoon thinking about nothing but the night ahead, I made my way home, had a juice with my mom before she headed out to her boyfriend’s for a few days and took a shower. I had only just come downstairs when Lena rang the doorbell.
“Wow” I said when I opened the door and saw her, “I feel positively under dressed…”
She was wearing a black jacket over a knee-length wine-coloured dress that wasn’t tight but still hugged her contours in all the right places and looked the epitome of casual elegance. In contrast, I was wearing a short grey layered dress with an old white cardigan.
“You look fine”, Lena said, “I love your hose, the lace pattern is so pretty…”
“Thanks, they were only cheap from the corner store”, I said as I wiggled my foot in the air to show off the design. I sat down to buckle up my ankle boots and then stood up to follow her out into her car but paused instead.
“Lena, look there’s something…before things get more...y’know, I need to tell you something.”
“Okay”, she said through her usual happy smile.
“Look, if you kissed me then that probably means you like me and if you like me, you know I’m a girl but…”
I struggled to find the right words, hands flailing wildly as if I could pluck the correct phrase out of the air.
“Lena, I like you but things could go wrong if I don’t…God…Lena, I’m not a natural girl, okay? I’m transgendered…”
She looked shocked.
“Really?” she asked. “Oh, God, really?”
Panic and disappointment began to spread throughout my head as this was obviously freaking her out. God, she was going to hate me and then tell everybody at work and THEY might hate me and make it so uncomfortable I have to leave and...
“Yeah...look, I’m sorry this is coming at you but I thought I should tell you now rather than end up in a ruined evening…”
“Why would it be ruined?” she asked, which seemed a silly question.
“Well because it changes things completely…”
“Why?” she asked sympathetically, although I didn’t pickup on it immediately.
“Why? Because if you thought I was a genetic girl and things happened and THEN you found out, it’d---“
“Why would I care?” she asked.
“Why wouldn’t you? There’s a big difference for most people…”
Lena just sighed and looked at me before stepping closer to put her hand on my shoulder. She put her other hand on my hip and kissed me passionately, both of us leaning our heads in together to enjoy it. She pulled back and smiled at me.
“I don’t care about your genes or your biology. I like YOU regardless, okay?”
“Um…okay...” I said in confusion.
“C’mon, we better get moving,“ she urged, “I’ve made us reservations at Paulo’s…”
“Ooh, I love Paulo’s!”
“Yes, I know, now get moving…I think we’ve going to have some interesting discussions tonight…”
Indeed we did have great conversation over our carbonara and Bolognese. Lena said that now she could kind of see signs of my genetics but they weren’t obvious, which is why she was surprised at my gender status. When I asked if she was a lesbian or bisexual, she said that she didn’t have a defined sexuality.
“I’m attracted to people I like”, she explained simply, “It’s their personalities I respond to. If they’re decent and warm and fun - like you – their gender or sexuality is irrelevant to me. Male, female, gay, straight, bi - or trans- I don’t care. I’ll be with who I’m attracted to regardless of their status, not because of it.”
We got to know each other better during that meal, learning each other’s histories and coming to understand experiences unique to each of us. We finished our dessert, paid and headed out to Lena’s car.
“Do you still want to borrow that novel?” she asked. We just looked at each other for a few seconds then laughed, jumped into the car and drove to her apartment. I t wasn’t a very large place but it was cosy and inviting, made more so by the scented candles I lit while Lena uncorked a bottle of wine.
We sat on her comfortably soft sofa, music playing while we talked in the softly lit living room. After finishing her second glass, Lena licked her fingers and snuffed out the candles.
“Bedtime”, she growled and guided me to her bedroom. I looked around, examining the stylish décor when she asked if I was okay. I nodded with a smile and she looked back at me, slowly stepping closer. She held my hand and stood inches away, gently smiling as she looked into my eyes. God, I wanted her…she made me feel respected and appreciated…wanted for who I was for the first time in my life. I could have swooned but tenderly picked off a strand of her brown hair away from her face and slowly ran my fingers through her hair.
“You’re incredible” I whispered, waves of emotions throughout my heart and body.
“So are you” she answered and ran her hand up my neck before kissing me. I was lost at that moment and embraced her with both arms, desperately wanting her but she broke off the kiss to tell me to remove my dress. I gathered up the skirts of my dress over my body and peeled it off over my head and arms. Lena had already undone the zipper of her dress and I saw her slowly tug it off and gently lay it across the back of her dresser chair.
Burning for her, I walked to her and put my hands to her waist, kissing her softly on her lips and neck before clasping her body to me in an embrace, my face buried in her shampoo-scented locks. I felt her kiss my shoulder and then the top of my neck, sending ripples of pleasure along my spine. I moaned gently as I caressed her and unclipped her bra. My fingertips ran across her ribs from her back to her exposed breasts, gently cupping them as I rubbed her erect nipples.
Her hands had moved to my waist, where she slid her fingers under my pantyhose and began firmly squeezing my hips. “Strip off” she said, whipping off her own panties while I removed my bra and rolled off my pantyhose and panties. Her eyes immediately shot between my legs and she smiled warmly when she realised I noticed. As if to reassure me, she held me in her arms and kissed me passionately, guiding us over to the bed. As we sat down still locked in a kissing embrace, she deftly manoeuvred me back onto the bed, where we continued to kiss and caress for some time.
Her hands slid from around me to fondle my breasts briefly on their journey down to my groin. She placed her fingertips along the insides of my upper thighs and began moving them around, eliciting pleasured groans. I moved my legs wide apart so she could have access and she took the opportunity to taste my genitals. She continued massaging my thighs as she slowly licked my balls, moving on to my engorged shaft before swallowing my tip, running her lips over my entire length. I squirmed in ecstasy and breathed, “I want to taste you…”
She repositioned herself, continuing to lick, kiss and suck my length as she lowered her body over mine and allowed me to begin tonguing her moist lips. I heard her groan in pleasure as my finger slid inside her while my tongue probed for her hidden spot. After a few minutes, she moved her hand to mine in order to guide two fingers inside her as she continued to deliver oral pleasure. I began to breathe in exhaled sighs as she increased her deep throating technique, now guiding my fingers inside her at a greater speed.
She sat up and spun around, laying over me as she kissed me and stroked the hair at my temples. “Are you ready?” she asked and I nodded. With a smile, she glided her waist over mine and swung a leg over my hips, straddling me as we continued to kiss, my arms locked around her back. She arched her back, grabbed me and held my tip to her lips. I gave my loudest expression of delight yet when I edged into her and slid all the way in. Lena sighed and adjusted our bodies so that we were lying on our sides, face to face as I thrusted inside her gyrating body.
We would take momentary breaks from kissing to regain our breath, smiling and looking into each other’s eyes as we continued to rub against each other. As she leaned in to kiss me again, I stopped her.
“I think I’m going to come in a minute”, I said sadly. I didn’t know if I’d be able to continue afterwards and felt I was letting her down. She smiled and replied, “It’s okay, I’m nearly there too…”
She slid off me and began rubbing herself between her legs, gently kissing my breast while I stroked her hair. After a few minutes, she kissed me and slid onto me again, leaning back in a full cowboy position.
“Oh God!” I screamed and arced my back in ecstasy, thrusting deeper inside her and setting off her climatic orgasm. As she began to shudder, I exploded inside her and grasped her to me, my body taught with rippling waves of pleasure. Lena slid off and collapsed next to me, both of us lying in silence except for our slowing heaving breaths.
As we recovered, we stroked each other until I snuggled in to her, my head resting against her chest. We made idle pillow talk as I recognised a shift within me. Lena was as good a friend as Kirsten and I had slowly developed a fondness for her over a few months of working together but I hadn’t realised it because I was always preoccupied with other things. The kiss in the car had made me examine those feelings, which had intensified over the course of the evening. Although severely inexperienced in this arena, I knew enough to realise that what I felt was not the infatuation I had for Emma, but something more substantial.
“I could stay her like this all night” I said.
“Then stay over”, she said and kissed my forehead. “We’ll leave early in the morning and I can drop you in at home to wash up and change.”
“Would that be okay?” I asked. She responded with a kiss and we lay for a while just stroking each other. Eventually, she got up to make us some drinks and I took a shower: Lena took the opportunity to join me and we gently washed each other clean before heading off to sleep.
8. Emergence
. Lena and I continued to see each other for a few weeks before we decided to announce ourselves as a couple. Both Kirsten and my mom were happy for us but it was harder at work as one of our colleagues harboured a crush on Lena. Within six months, I had landed a job as an assistant editor at a small publisher: it was a fair commute but the pay scale was worth it. This meant less time with Lena so we took the decision to get our own apartment. We’ve just celebrated out first anniversary here.
Lena has proven to be an inspiration. As well as a positive general attitude, she lives her life by the theory that her life is her own, she’ll live it how she wants to and won’t let any person, authority or society tell her otherwise. In the end that’s the only way to be: we are all human beings first and should be allowed to live our lives as we see fit unless it impacts negatively on others. As different as we all are as individuals, all people are paradoxically also all the same. I try to follow Lena’sr example as best I can and the love she brings to me is reflected by the love I feel for her. She fulfils a part of my life I don’t known was empty and as a result, I’m happy.
After a few months of being with Lena, I was getting frustrated my fluctuating performance in the bedroom and after discussing it with her, I decided to have final SRS. I was indifferent to it previously and made the decision purely for practical reasons. I was to fly out to the clinic alone as I didn’t want Lena to lose three weeks holiday with me that she could better use visiting her parents in Sweden but she surprised me by turning up at the airport terminal half an hour after me. Initially I was angry that she had deceived me and plotted behind my back, as well as losing time with her parents but she explained that they would be coming to the states for six weeks and would be visiting us for two weeks. I calmed down and she admitted that she would have still come with me as she couldn’t face the thought of me going through such a huge procedure on my own. I could only hug her and tell her how much I love her.
As I sit here finishing off my history on my laptop, I look over at the angel sleeping in the chair beside me and look back over the course of my life. It’s been a long arduous journey but finally, I’m thankful to have emerged from a troubled childhood, like an awakened butterfly, as a happy and well-adjusted woman.
