The One with the Pornstar

Several years ago, back when it was still acceptable to say "tranny", I was trolling around San Francisco looking for some TS action. This was a Tuesday night and there was a famous drag show called "Trannyshack" at the Stud bar in the South of Market district.

I paid my cover and walked in to the bar. Up until that time, I had mostly trolled for ts in ts-only bars like Divas (SF), Peanuts (LA) and Edelweiss (NYC). The clientele in ts bars was primarily ts and their admirers--guys who considered themselves straight.

Trannyshack was a different vibe. Most of the people in the bar were gay guys with a goth/club kid look--piercings, tattoos, etc. There were also several outlandishly dressed drag queens. This didn't seem like this was my scene.

After about 15 minutes, I felt this wasn't going to work so I was getting ready to leave. I turned around to head towards the door when I saw a very attractive, busty, sexy blonde. Wow! "Let's investigate" I thought to myself.

I went up to the blonde and started chatting with her. She said her name was Carmen and she was visiting SF. We were having a nice conversation when she admitted that she wasn't feeling the club either.

"Would you like to leave with me and my friends?" she asked.

"Of course!" I replied.

She was with a couple of guys, who I assumed were just friends and didn't have a sexual interest in her. Nothing like having a straight path to fucking a hot chick.

As we went outside to catch a cab, this lanky surfer/stoner-type dude came up to Carmen to try to make a play for her. Crap! This was the only other straight guy in the bar and he was interested in the same girl I liked.

Since I had known Carmen for only 15 minutes, I didn't have the authority to drag her away from anyone. This was all up to her what she wanted to do. The cab arrived and Carmen, her friends and I got in. There was no room for the surfer. Tough luck, Spicoli!

The cab drove to Union Square and pulled up to the Grand Hyatt hotel. We got out of the cab and started to head in to the hotel. As we were walking in, a guy on a bicycle arrived at the hotel. Spicoli!

This motherfucker rode his motherfucking bicycle 2 miles from the club to the hotel so he wouldn't get left behind. Fuck!

Now we are a group of about 6 people--Carmen, 3 probably gay guys and 2 straight guys who wanted to fuck Carmen. We crammed in to the elevator and rode up to a high floor. We spilled out of the elevator and spilled in to a hotel room.

6 people in a hotel room figuring out what to do next. Someone turned on the tv and the group was making small talk. This looked like a bad situation for me. I didn't have the energy to try to outlast 4 other guys to hook up with Carmen.

I decided to call it a loss and leave. Carmen gave me her number and said give her a call. By this time I had lost interest.

The next day I was researching Carmen. It turns out she was TS Carmen Cruz, a famous pornstar. You can still Google her. She has aged since I met her, but we all have. Trust me, she was smoking hot the night I met her. I never did call her.

And Spicoli? Fuck that dude!