A Tranny in Trouble (A Self Revelation) Essay By: Josie

Since I can remember I've been feminine. I couldn't figure out why it was so easy for other guys to be men; I learned eventually, it took a lot of work. I remember when I was a child and started making music, when I started performing and went into the closet, and when I stopped caring if who I was effected my career. I'm the girl next door type, with a chip on her shoulder, just not for gender reasons.

I was always a girl. I never acted like a boy in most situations. For example, the fact I didn't find much in common with other Girls, and neither with boys. I always fooled around with males growing up as a child and loved it, my best friend, or even any guy that whipped it out got sucked passionately. Girls were in the background, they were pretty, probably was just the testostone, cock was the only thing that instantly got me hard at the sight. Even this young I knew I was an artist, I started on that journey, never knowing it would be the end of who I was.

As I grew, reached, and passed puberty, I learned to fit into the social order of things. I was young, talented and attractive. Surely someone so talented and dominantly so could only be straight. And I liked girls....I've had 3 girlfriends for a combined 7 years off and on, never slept around, and did nothing but dream about cock. It was all an act. But I was good, and the people told me so. Guys were just for fun Id say. Meanwhile I made no effort to sleep with women, on the other hand one night with an ecstasy dealer turned into an eight hour cock worship. But no way someone this dominant in skill could be such a sissy.

As I got older in my twenties I learned to make the art I was meant to make through the use of technology. I became obsessed and buried my self in my work. Not unlike some Buddhist monk in search of enlightenment. Point is I mastered my craft, and even mastered being alpha, a man's man, the epogy of my gender. Only to find out all of that meant nothing and that you cannot run from who you are. I admitted to myself that I was gay at least...Instantly felt better. I gave into my queerness and touched my self to the men I desired. Then one night, I noticed my body and what I was doing to it, what I liked about myself and what I wanted to stick out more, and realized what I wanted to see in the mirror was a T-Girl. Now that explains why I watch Tranny porn from the Trannies perspective. I can't keep living in this shell I created.

Making my art is no longer an excuse. There is no reason I cannot be myself. I need to do this for my mental health and for those who do not have the opportunity I was given. I cannot look the gift of the universe in the mouth. It wouldn't be the first time I faced impossible odds. And not the first time a cause was made important to me.