Republican Wisdom

[DJ_Asia]

One of my Myspace friends posted this as a bullentin. I thought it was pretty interesting and a bit amusing.

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Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public a heart.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

[specialk]

If this weren't so true.........it would be funny shit......like your avitar DJ, nice one!

[DJ_Asia]

If this weren't so true.........it would be funny shit......like your avitar DJ, nice one!

Thanks mate!

[chefmike]

LMFAO...isn't "Republican Wisdom" a misnomer?

[trish]

http://cosmicvariance.com/2007/06/04/it-does-matter-what-people-think-about-how-the-world-works/

[LG]

Good one, DJ- and sadly every word is true. Nice to see you posting here in the asshole of the universe, as opposed to just in the General forum.

Joking...I've spent time here myself- it's not that bad. I like to come here when I feel the need to get mad at people without actually having to go for a drive in town and get stuck behind old women who can't drive and don't indicate.

Anyway, some day you must tell us all about the tough life of an professional photographer of gorgeous tgirls. :wink:

thanks for that post

[muhmuh]

http://cosmicvariance.com/2007/06/04/it-does-matter-what-people-think-about-how-the-world-works/

so... bush and his friends havent evolved at all over the last 6000 years then?

why do i want to get drunk whenever i see lg lately?

[Rogers]

http://korkster.wordpress.com/2007/05/19/a-day-in-the-life-of-joe-republican-truth-hurts/

[tsafficianado]

Things you have to believe to be a Democrat today

1. A woman who can't keep her husband's dick in his pants can run a country.

2. If people are too stupid or lazy to get something for themselves you ought to take it away from industrious people and give it to them.

3. Oil companies should not be allowed to earn a profit.

4. The best way to defend a nation is to make all the other countries richer so they won't be jealous anymore.

5. Anyone who goes to church is not to be trusted.

6. The Constitution defends anyone's right to marry as they choose. If they want to marry a donkey or a tree or a balloon we should extend partnership benefits to them.

7. The US should stay in the United Nations but they should quit being so testy with everyone.

8. The federal government is much better suited to administer a health plan than are HMOs and insurance companies.

9. Abortion isn't necessarily the best means of birth control, but it is the only one that will work on the ignorant American public.

10. If we ban handguns then we will KNOW for sure that anyone found dead from bullet wounds was a law-abiding citizen.

11. The best way to promote capitalism and a strong economy is to tax the hell out of everything and use the money for those effective government programs.

12. If Socialism was such a bad thing why would a sharp guy like Chavez be trying it. After all, it's not called South AMERICA for nothing.

13. It will be a lot less expensive to defend Americans from terrorism if we wait for the terrorists to get HERE.

14. Armed forces personnel should only follow the directives of the Commander in Chief if they agree with his objectives.

[Oli]

Things you have to believe to be a Democrat today

1. A woman who can't keep her husband's dick in his pants can run a country.

A drunkard who has abused cocaine is more acceptable?


2. If people are too stupid or lazy to get something for themselves you ought to take it away from industrious people and give it to them.

Correct me if I'm wrong but welfare to work started last decade, passed by a Republican Congress and signed by a Democratic President


3. Oil companies should not be allowed to earn a profit.

What has this Congress done to limit the profits of Big Oil?


4. The best way to defend a nation is to make all the other countries richer so they won't be jealous anymore.

Take a look at the trade deficit with China, the net outflow of cash was $230,000,000,000 US in 2006. The Foreign Aid Budget is $ 35, 000,000,000, or 15 % of our trade deficit. Don't blame a party, blame yourself next time you walk into Walmart.


5. Anyone who goes to church is not to be trusted.

Church going folk are fine. It's difficult to trust the ones who take a collection of morality tales, fables, and parables as historical fact.


6. The Constitution defends anyone's right to marry as they choose. If they want to marry a donkey or a tree or a balloon we should extend partnership benefits to them.

I don't think the Constitution has anything to say about who can marry whom.


7. The US should stay in the United Nations but they should quit being so testy with everyone.

So we should take our ball and go home? That's worked so well for us over the past 4 years hasn't it.


8. The federal government is much better suited to administer a health plan than are HMOs and insurance companies.

We are the only Western Nation without a single payer health care system. 45 million citizens without health insurance. Who pays when they get sick? The taxpayers do, at full price.


9. Abortion isn't necessarily the best means of birth control, but it is the only one that will work on the ignorant American public.

You may be ignorant, but don't include me with you. I just don't think 60 year old men should tell a 20 year old woman what she can and can not do with her body.


10. If we ban handguns then we will KNOW for sure that anyone found dead from bullet wounds was a law-abiding citizen.

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.


11. The best way to promote capitalism and a strong economy is to tax the hell out of everything and use the money for those effective government programs.

A better way is to cut taxes, increase spending and heap the debt on our kids?


12. If Socialism was such a bad thing why would a sharp guy like Chavez be trying it. After all, it's not called South AMERICA for nothing.

Hey, Chavez is a lunatic, and about as much of a threat to us as the other boogeyman, Fidel.


13. It will be a lot less expensive to defend Americans from terrorism if we wait for the terrorists to get HERE.

If you think we are safer today then on September 10, 2001, you should put the bong away. And thanks for directly quoting a Republican talking point, Rush.


14. Armed forces personnel should only follow the directives of the Commander in Chief if they agree with his objectives.

Unless it's an unlawful order, a soldier follows the orders of their superior officers. But soldiers shouldn't be wasted in an unwinnable war, be it Vietnam or Iraq, because their political leaders can not find a suitable way of ending it.

[LG]

Good work, Oli. :claps

[qeuqheeg222]

thank you oli....

[insert_namehere]

Things You Have to Believe in Order to be Pedantic, Tunnel-Visioned Pigeon Holer.

1. Everyone who agrees with you is brilliant.

2. Everyone who doesn't is an idiot.

3. If someone agrees with you on some points, but not on others, they're disingenuous.

4. Everyone to the left of you is a Communist.

5. Everyone to the right of you is a Fascist.

6. Everyone who likes aspects of their country is a jingoist.

7. Everyone that doesn't like aspects of their country is a quisling.

8. Everyone who embraces a "traditional" religion is a knuckle-dragging superstitious moron.

9. Everyone who embraces non-traditional spiritualism is a kook.

10. Straight people are jerks.

11. Gay people are dangerous.

12. Capitalism is the solution to all the world's problems.

13. Free markets are the first sign of the apocalypse.

14. Ultimately, there are no grays, and everything you know right now is the only correct answer.