White_Male_Canada
07-24-2006, 01:49 AM
DEAR MARGO: I've dated my fiance for the last year and a half. She is 27, and I am 35. When I asked her to marry me, we were in her favorite restaurant. She didn't say yes right away because she said there was a secret she had to tell me to make sure that I still wanted to marry her.
The secret was that she'd been in the adult entertainment business. I figured maybe she stripped while in college. She told me that was not it. We went back to her place, and she explained that she'd made some movies. She pulled out a tape and played it for me. I was totally shocked; my beautiful girlfriend was not what she appeared to be.
We've made love many times and I could not believe what I was seeing. She was a transsexual. I got up and turned it off so hard I almost knocked the TV over. My girlfriend was crying, and through her tears tried to explain that she loved me and only did it for the money to pay for the reassignment surgery. I could not believe what I was hearing.
I screamed at her and called her all kinds of names, which was totally out of character for me. I left and have not talked to her for the last two weeks. She's called several times and left e-mail messages to get together and talk. I am still in love with her. I miss her. But I feel that I have been lied to and deceived. Can we have a future together? -- SURPRISED AND DECEIVED
DEAR SUR: Oh, my. Talk about sex, lies and videotape. My thoughts about this are perhaps counterintuitive, but here they are. No one would deny that there was lying and deceit. I am sympathetic, however, because I am sure this person had planned to tell you. When things accelerated, however, a good guess is that she just put it off. And note that she did not accept your proposal without 'fessing up.
If you can get over the deception part, you might have a future. I think this because you say you still love and miss your romantic friend of a year and a half. It is so hard to find intellectual and sexual compatibility -- which you had apparently found. The key would be counseling to determine what the real issues are for you, and if you could overcome the misrepresentation and the baggage of her history. -- Margo, introspectively
http://news.yahoo.com/b/dear_margo/margo_howard20060720
The secret was that she'd been in the adult entertainment business. I figured maybe she stripped while in college. She told me that was not it. We went back to her place, and she explained that she'd made some movies. She pulled out a tape and played it for me. I was totally shocked; my beautiful girlfriend was not what she appeared to be.
We've made love many times and I could not believe what I was seeing. She was a transsexual. I got up and turned it off so hard I almost knocked the TV over. My girlfriend was crying, and through her tears tried to explain that she loved me and only did it for the money to pay for the reassignment surgery. I could not believe what I was hearing.
I screamed at her and called her all kinds of names, which was totally out of character for me. I left and have not talked to her for the last two weeks. She's called several times and left e-mail messages to get together and talk. I am still in love with her. I miss her. But I feel that I have been lied to and deceived. Can we have a future together? -- SURPRISED AND DECEIVED
DEAR SUR: Oh, my. Talk about sex, lies and videotape. My thoughts about this are perhaps counterintuitive, but here they are. No one would deny that there was lying and deceit. I am sympathetic, however, because I am sure this person had planned to tell you. When things accelerated, however, a good guess is that she just put it off. And note that she did not accept your proposal without 'fessing up.
If you can get over the deception part, you might have a future. I think this because you say you still love and miss your romantic friend of a year and a half. It is so hard to find intellectual and sexual compatibility -- which you had apparently found. The key would be counseling to determine what the real issues are for you, and if you could overcome the misrepresentation and the baggage of her history. -- Margo, introspectively
http://news.yahoo.com/b/dear_margo/margo_howard20060720