but trans woman aren't fetishized....its all in our head right?

[amberskyi]

One of the many stupid messages I get on okcupid.mind you my profile is modest and discreet.no mention of sex work or sex.just my gender and that im a student

[Ms.Stepford]

I don't think you're going to get much disagreement on a forum that wouldn't exist if we weren't fetishized.

Guys are horny. Get money.

[amberskyi]

I don't think you're going to get much disagreement on a forum that wouldn't exist if we weren't fetishized.

Guys are horny. Get money.

Kinda discouraging for the girls who aren't looking for sex or money but something real

[Ms.Stepford]

Plenty find it. You just have a lot of undesirable noise to sort through while you search.

[amberskyi]

Plenty find it. You just have a lot of undesirable noise to sort through while you search.

ALLOT lol

[Rusty Eldora]

Kinda discouraging for the girls who aren't looking for sex or money but something real

So many people have had really crappy sex and love lives for much of their lives. Sex and relationships are the only area of our lives where we are to "try it and you will like it". Even trivial games we take lessons for on how to hit a silly ball for months. But outside sex ed in PE (that REALLY helped, didn't it) our primary source of study material is Porn - Oh Goody. But it does convey a surreal, plastic world.

Guys have had some experience with GG's but they fantasize a lot - these girls in porn look act like they LIKE sex. But a TS, it is a mythical creature, a Unicorn. It takes a guy several meetings to realize they are real and genuine.

Well in that group, there will be those that understand what a real relationship with a real transwomen is and be willing to work for it. Still one of the few, but that is also true with GM-GG relationships. Notice how many of those crater.

[RallyCola]

anytime life gets you down about being reduced to sexual fantasy...remember, you don't have small pox so that's something.

it can always be worse so while there are more men out there that will disrespect you and objectify you than not, you can't let it bother you. if you let the opinions and interference of others get to you, would you have made it this far in your transition anyway?

[gaysian71]

I think that for most men wanting to be with a transgendered woman is more of a preference than a fantasy. The reason most guys turn it into a sexual fantasy is because it has been condemned in the straight world and fantasized in the porn world.
After all, it not like we grow up living and going to school with transgendered people. The odds of any of us personally knowing a TS girl or guy is children is pretty much slim to none. So most guys just google TS girls and porn is the first thing we find. I'm sure if that's how men learned about GG's they would be nothing but a sexual fantasy as well.

[Jamie French]

The trick is to not be looking at all... proactively "looking for something real" is really, really close to turning the idea of a relationship into a sort of fetish itself. No, your best bet is to stop looking all together, especially online and put yourself in positions where you are actively pursuing legitimate interests. The kind of people you were looking for will just sort of moosh into your life without you having to do a thing. That's how this kind of thing actually works in the real world. You can't go get it, you have to let it be and give it opportunities to come to you which means, NO sitting around. Go do anything. (trust me, I've always had a long term somebody in my life, precisely because I do a LOT of things out in the world.)


Kinda discouraging for the girls who aren't looking for sex or money but something real

[amberskyi]

The trick is to not be looking at all... proactively "looking for something real" is really, really close to turning the idea of a relationship into a sort of fetish itself. No, your best bet is to stop looking all together, especially online and put yourself in positions where you are actively pursuing legitimate interests. The kind of people you were looking for will just sort of moosh into your life without you having to do a thing. That's how this kind of thing actually works in the real world. You can't go get it, you have to let it be and give it opportunities to come to you which means, NO sitting around. Go do anything. (trust me, I've always had a long term somebody in my life, precisely because I do a LOT of things out in the world.)

I agree that looking for a relationship is an exercise in futility. They develop on their own. What i meant by "something real" is a situation in which two people genuinely want to get to know each other outside of a sexual context.
Im not new to online dating and am quite savvy in navigating the pitfalls.i think for ts woman online dating takes away the stress of having to disclose ones gender to a person she might be interested in.
I just posted this conversation because some claim that the extreme sexualization we experience is either fictional or brought on ourselves.

[dderek123]

Online dating is mostly for one night stands for any race or gender in my personal experience. I've met a few couples who were successful through online dating sites but they were the exception not the rule.

Jamie's advice was spot on. You're beautiful amber I think you'll meet someone eventually.

How's school going?

[amberskyi]

Online dating is mostly for one night stands of knowing what for any race or gender in my personal experience. I've met a few couples who were successful through online dating sites but they were the exception not the rule.

Jamie's advice was spot on. You're beautiful amber I think you'll meet someone eventually.

How's school going?

I've met two of my three boyfriends online. I think it's just a matter of knowing what your looking for and not settling.
school is good, thanks for asking. I'm on a leave of absence until may :(. Allot of time to kill now lol

[Jamie French]

Wait... what? Not disclosing your gender, (if it's been altered or is in a state of flux) is the worst possible thing you could do to a stranger who might be a attracted to you if you in turn have a similar interest towards them you intend to act on.

What do you expect to gain other than disappointment, stress and a sour outlook on life if you hide things like this from people?

You weren't born a woman, you were born a man that had to transition. That alone is a solid thing to be. It's real, it exists and you aren't alone. You get to own that and by lying about it through omission you are disrespecting every party involved in whatever social interaction you play a part in.

Does the lady behind the register at Walmart need to know all about your gender? No more than you need to know her blood type, but a potential mate deserves nothing less than to know, upfront and in no uncertain terms.



I agree that looking for a relationship is an exercise in futility. They develop on their own. What i meant by "something real" is a situation in which two people genuinely want to get to know each other outside of a sexual context.
Im not new to online dating and am quite savvy in navigating the pitfalls.i think for ts woman online dating takes away the stress of having to disclose ones gender to a person she might be interested in.
I just posted this conversation because some claim that the extreme sexualization we experience is either fictional or brought on ourselves.

[amberskyi]

Wait... what? Not disclosing your gender, (if it's been altered or is in a state of flux) is the worst possible thing you could do to a stranger who might be a attracted to you if you in turn have a similar interest towards them you intend to act on.

What do you expect to gain other than disappointment, stress and a sour outlook on life if you hide things like this from people?

You weren't born a woman, you were born a man that had to transition. That alone is a solid thing to be. It's real, it exists and you aren't alone. You get to own that and by lying about it through omission you are disrespecting every party involved in whatever social interaction you play a part in.

Does the lady behind the register at Walmart need to know all about your gender? No more than you need to know her blood type, but a potential mate deserves nothing less than to know, upfront and in no uncertain terms.

I never said anything about hiding my birth gender hun. Wrong soap box lol.
I personally find it awkward to disclose my gender to a guy because I'm a shy and private person.
What I like about edating is that my gender history is known from jump.

[Prospero]

The trick is to not be looking at all... proactively "looking for something real" is really, really close to turning the idea of a relationship into a sort of fetish itself. No, your best bet is to stop looking all together, especially online and put yourself in positions where you are actively pursuing legitimate interests. The kind of people you were looking for will just sort of moosh into your life without you having to do a thing. That's how this kind of thing actually works in the real world. You can't go get it, you have to let it be and give it opportunities to come to you which means, NO sitting around. Go do anything. (trust me, I've always had a long term somebody in my life, precisely because I do a LOT of things out in the world.)


Wise words from Jamie.


But in defence of on-line dating I would say that i have three sets of very good friends who met this way and have formed solid long term relationshios that appear to be stable.

But then again they are conventional hetereosexual couples. I think Amber is right that disclosure of your gender identity as a TS in a dating forum will inevitably attract a lot of fetishists. Jamie's advice is pretty sound.

[Jamie French]

Non disclosure could end in death.


[B]
I think Amber is right that disclosure of your gender identity as a TS in a dating forum will inevitably attract a lot of fetishists. Jamie's advice is pretty sound.