amaryllis
03-22-2014, 03:25 AM
i've lurked here for probably 2-3 years as a result of my... "disphoria"
allow me to explain:
by the time i was 11 i'd already figured out how to use the dewy decimal system due to spending 2 hours in the city library after school for months. So I started to look up information and eventually stumbled upon Renée Richards and Caroline Cossey from the 70s to 80s. I remember finally knowing that i "wasn't alone."
at that point i probably should have come forward to my parents, but i didn't. as a result i spent at least 15-20 years trying to cope/purge/hide/release/expunge what society told me was "wrong." it wasn't wrong (and still isn't) and i've come to terms with the decisions i made and am happy with how *i* turned out. if i could go back and make different choices would i? maybe, not really, i don't know? hindsight is always 20/20 but i'm pretty sure i needed to be born later to have access to the information needed and the amazing surgeons that understand (for example Danielle Foxxx is 6 years younger than i and started much earlier than i could have).
what i'd really like to do is write a book for those today that were like me back then; but i want to talk with others. unfortunately i haven't reached out to anyone here for interviews as my assumption has always been that i'd just be another "chaser/fan/fetishist/whatever/etc" when i'm not. but i am also on a site that is geared towards "getting off" on t*s so good luck to being taken seriously. :(
msg me if you are interested in talking on or off the record. i'd prefer in person (i'll fly to you at my expense) but via phone/skype works as well.
ps: this stands as the scariest and most honest post i've ever made online. fuck me if its connected to anything else i do online. ACK!!!
allow me to explain:
by the time i was 11 i'd already figured out how to use the dewy decimal system due to spending 2 hours in the city library after school for months. So I started to look up information and eventually stumbled upon Renée Richards and Caroline Cossey from the 70s to 80s. I remember finally knowing that i "wasn't alone."
at that point i probably should have come forward to my parents, but i didn't. as a result i spent at least 15-20 years trying to cope/purge/hide/release/expunge what society told me was "wrong." it wasn't wrong (and still isn't) and i've come to terms with the decisions i made and am happy with how *i* turned out. if i could go back and make different choices would i? maybe, not really, i don't know? hindsight is always 20/20 but i'm pretty sure i needed to be born later to have access to the information needed and the amazing surgeons that understand (for example Danielle Foxxx is 6 years younger than i and started much earlier than i could have).
what i'd really like to do is write a book for those today that were like me back then; but i want to talk with others. unfortunately i haven't reached out to anyone here for interviews as my assumption has always been that i'd just be another "chaser/fan/fetishist/whatever/etc" when i'm not. but i am also on a site that is geared towards "getting off" on t*s so good luck to being taken seriously. :(
msg me if you are interested in talking on or off the record. i'd prefer in person (i'll fly to you at my expense) but via phone/skype works as well.
ps: this stands as the scariest and most honest post i've ever made online. fuck me if its connected to anything else i do online. ACK!!!