advice needed ...

[hermesx]

Dear all-- first time writing. I'm a self-identified straight (more or less) guy in Colombia. Some years ago while back in the USA, I dated a transgendered woman in NYC for a couple of months. It was fun, but it didn't work out for a number of reasons.

Anyway, my girlfriend here in Colombia (a cis-woman), when she was snooping on my computer, found a few bookmarks of porn involving transwomen. She freaked and I told her the truth: I had an affair more than a dozen years ago, but sometimes I still have fantasies and look at tranporn.

Well, that ended the relationship immediately, and now she thinks I'm gay and that I wasn't honest with her by not telling her about my fling back in the day. I replied that I didn't think it was relevant given that I identify as straight and I'm not going around looking for transwomen. Yes, I fantasize, but so what?

The relationship is unsalvageable. I realize that. But I guess my question is, does she have a point? Should I have told her? Usually people have exactly her reaction -- especially in conservative Catholic countries like Colombia -- and don't react well. So I keep it to myself until it may become relevant. Is that fair to my partners?

Any thoughts or advice to avoid future blow-ups like this would be most welcome.

[STARTUP999]

In my opinion, who you slept with in the past is not the buisness of someone you have a relationship with later on. Nor should you expect her to tell you about all her past affairs.

One reason is that when a GG is mad at you for some reason they will throw it in you face. Another is they will always tell freinds and family members your business. This is a gentic trait they all share I believe. If a girl starts revealing much of her sorded past and you feel comfortable about speaking about yours DONT DO IT its a trap. Believe me.

As for advise, computers have passwords and history erase. Use them. When you want to book mark a site, copy and paste it on an email and send it to a dummy account or bury it in a word doc that only you have access to. Remember to delete the send and trash files though.

[Ciffer]

Dear all-- first time writing. I'm a self-identified straight (more or less) guy in Colombia. Some years ago while back in the USA, I dated a transgendered woman in NYC for a couple of months. It was fun, but it didn't work out for a number of reasons.

Anyway, my girlfriend here in Colombia (a cis-woman), when she was snooping on my computer, found a few bookmarks of porn involving transwomen. She freaked and I told her the truth: I had an affair more than a dozen years ago, but sometimes I still have fantasies and look at tranporn.

Well, that ended the relationship immediately, and now she thinks I'm gay and that I wasn't honest with her by not telling her about my fling back in the day. I replied that I didn't think it was relevant given that I identify as straight and I'm not going around looking for transwomen. Yes, I fantasize, but so what?

The relationship is unsalvageable. I realize that. But I guess my question is, does she have a point? Should I have told her? Usually people have exactly her reaction -- especially in conservative Catholic countries like Colombia -- and don't react well. So I keep it to myself until it may become relevant. Is that fair to my partners?

Any thoughts or advice to avoid future blow-ups like this would be most welcome.
Bro completely wipe your computer clean, better yet get a new one. Be mindful of what you search on the community computer and as said earlier keep your past your past. Not because of shame but because of narrow minded "others". But all I said is pretty much common sense. Your old cis gf probably didn't love you or she would have accepted the past and calmly discussed with you and to see if it will interfere with your relationship. My 2 cents.

[gaiseric]

As far as I can see you have 2 choices with future relationships.

Firstly, be totally up front and honest with prospective partners and risk them walking away.
Secondly, be like a lot of people on this forum and hide your interest in Tgirls away like a deep, dark secret. But then you are in real trouble if your partner finds out and you haven't been totally honest.
Actually there is a third option. Only date T girls - saves all the grief and dishonesty.

That's what I do and it works for me

[bigkid69]

What a bitch. As it was stated, you don't tell GFs your past because 99% of the time they don't understand, no matter what the past is, you are better off without her.

[bluesoul]

As far as I can see you have 2 choices with future relationships.

Firstly, be totally up front and honest with prospective partners and risk them walking away.
Secondly, be like a lot of people on this forum and hide your interest in Tgirls away like a deep, dark secret. But then you are in real trouble if your partner finds out and you haven't been totally honest.
Actually there is a third option. Only date T girls - saves all the grief and dishonesty.

That's what I do and it works for me

pretty much this, but lots of people here use double standards. i'm sure when they date transsexual women they have no second thoughts about admitting how many gg's they've dated before because it only proves their hetrosexuality, however the opposite becomes a problem because "gg's don't understand and will use it against you"

people only use negative things against you. if you were in a relationship with someone, how is that a bad thing to be used against you?

[Odelay]

I have a long term relationship with a cis-woman (cis-mujere?) from Colombia. After many visits to see her over the years, she finally secured a 90 day visa to visit and live with me in the USA. That was a big change so I told her about my own "liberal" ways concerning t-girls. She wasn't exactly thrilled but she wasn't upset either. She knows I use t-girl porn for masturbation and I did allude to sexual experiences, plural, in the past but spared her the details.

I think she has more questions about it but for now she doesn't want to talk about it yet. Our relationship has grown stronger and my t-catting days are likely over. So what I would say is that you can't apply a generalization too far. Or put another way... your mileage may vary.

EDIT: Oh, and I'm sure you know this if you're living in Colombia but most of the major cities have significant ts populations. Colombian ggirls are no strangers to the concept. I find the cities to be fairly liberal, culturally. So while there are still plenty of conservative catholic (and evangelical christian!) girls in the cities, they are hardly a dominant majority. I've found some who are pretty accepting of gay and trans friends, and others who are still pretty homophobic.